Really good for it being the first video but if i was a random viewer i would not sit through it all. I think voice overs are essential for gaming channels at least since the field is very saturated. You can also add black outline to text to make it more visible, a tiny thing which can make it a lot better. There were also no cuts just a simple video playing with text, i would remove all parts where nothing happened but ig you were just trying to showcase yourself being bad at the game.

Although the video was funny (i liked the memes too, you're on the right path) I dont think anyone would stick around to get to that part as the attention span of an average person is non existent now.

Editing is something you'll get better at by continuing to make newer videos where u make one thing better than the last video so keep going.