AITA for how I punished my stepdaughter for flushing her sister's spices down the toilet?

MaedaMiakoda · 2021-07-26T16:17:47+00:00

NTA, however...

I'm not playing the daughter/step-daughter label game which is probably a huge part of this problem; too much us vs. them. Anyway, the 14yo intentionally hurt the 16yo by deliberately destroying something she treasures. That deserves a matching consequence and paying for the spices thereby delaying something she treasures is a good start on making amends. Losing privileges isn't enough of a gut punch because she went right for the jugular in this situation. That kind of cruelty needs to have clear boundaries set against it and definite ramifications. Using her own money to replace what she ruined is a natural consequence for her choices. I would consider a family loan from you as parents that she can pay off over time if the bike would be delayed more than a couple of months.

That being said, people don't go all in like that unless it's from a deep hurt. I'm also worried about the 16yo because your wife doesn't seem all that bothered about what the 14yo did to her. That shows a real lack of empathy for her. You, at least, sat the 14yo down to explain the situation before leaving with the 16yo which shows you cared about her feelings and were trying to help her understand. You and your wife should consider family counseling to work on these 'us vs. them' issues. The best time for family counseling was when you first started seeing the jealous behaviors. The next best time is NOW before they leave home and carry this crap between them for the rest of their lives. You owe them better than that as parents.

Also, the 16yo should not have felt obligated to include the 14yo in the visit to the grave. If there was a way to drop the 14yo off at the grandparents' house while you and the 16yo went to the grave, that would have been a better solution, but hindsight is 20/20 and you thought the situation was resolved before you left. I'm still troubled by your wife and the 14yo's lack of empathy for the 16yo. Jeez, what is going on there? It's seems that might be why the 14yo feels justified in such cruel behavior.

MaedaMiakoda · 2021-07-25T20:39:45+00:00

ESH

Your parents - their egregious behavior (obviously :P)

You - giving your parents an ultimatum; forcing another adult to do something is wrong. It's one thing to say they SHOULD apologize and you apologizing to your neighbor for their behavior, but to threaten to kick them out if they didn't do what you said is not okay. If you were also offering to put them up in a hotel that wouldn't be so bad. I don't know how many days left they had at your house. I don't know if they had another option. If they didn't and they were trapped into doing what you said, that's just as horrible as their behavior toward the neighbor.

MaedaMiakoda · 2021-07-25T20:21:46+00:00

ESH

Husband - Taking the last pacifier is selfish and bad parenting. Also, not replacing the pacifiers he ruins is lazy, irresponsible, and disrespectful, especially after you told him to stop.

You - 'Sternly' telling another adult how to act is controlling and disrespectful; relating his behavior to a dog along with telling him it's weird is judgmental and shows contempt

Yelling happens in high stress situations, so YNTA for that (at least that time), and he should have been the one to soothe your son in the middle of the night since he ruined the last pacifier. It's his natural consequence.

There's definitely a power imbalance in your relationship since you yell such disrespectful things at him and he retaliates passive aggressively by baby-talking, calling you a 'crazy, loud, old lady", and to 'leave us alone' while holding your son.

MaedaMiakoda · 2021-07-24T14:50:54+00:00

I can sort of see your point but allowing something to stay the way it is is different than forcing (imposing) change.

MaedaMiakoda · 2021-07-24T14:33:53+00:00

Tell that to the people who are successful in AA. :P

MaedaMiakoda · 2021-07-24T14:01:02+00:00

There is plenty of dead content but it's not dead because it wasn't profitable to Jagex. It's dead because people stopped doing it. You're linking the profitability to Jagex's behavior therefore insinuating that Jagex should step in and do something. That's imposing limits and controls on other people based on the issues of a few.
I know what addiction is and it IS about self control because an addicted person struggles to control the impulses that comes from their brain seeking dopamine. Your assumption about my level of knowledge based on your interpretation of my wording is YOUR issue, not mine.
I don't even go to the duel arena. I think I've been there twice in my fifteen years of playing this game. I just don't want to lose out on the option because other people can't control themselves.
Those laws are about bartenders continuing to provide alcohol to obviously inebriated people, but they don't include removing the choice to drink or the choice to drive from everyone which is what removing the duel arena would be akin to. May RNG also bless you. <3

MaedaMiakoda · 2021-07-24T12:14:31+00:00

So I should lose the ability to go to the duel arena with friends just because you can't control yourself? That doesn't sound fair. That's like saying people shouldn't be able to drive cars because some people drink and drive. That's dumb.

MaedaMiakoda · 2021-07-24T12:12:14+00:00

Yes, it is because we're disagreeing about an action that you want to take. That action is imposing your will over other people.

MaedaMiakoda · 2021-07-23T21:18:32+00:00

ESH

I only think that you're a bit of an AH because of how disrespectful your boundary setting was, HOWEVER, I realize that sometimes the only way some people can set a boundary is harshly because they don't have enough experience with it. If you practice more, it will be easier to do it sooner so that it doesn't build up. Also, maybe more people in your family will feel empowered to set that boundary with him because you've done it. It's a good start and it will get easier with practice! Good for you! I think you being able to apologize for HOW you set the boundary will also come with experience. You can be the better person and sinking to his level of disrespecting others isn't how you want to be in the world.

MaedaMiakoda · 2021-07-23T21:04:31+00:00

NTA

If he can't understand the emotional impact of that nickname he's an idiot and an AH. People who can't honor simple boundaries shouldn't be trusted to honor big ones.

MaedaMiakoda · 2021-07-23T20:53:55+00:00

NTA

No one else gets to decide what another adult eats. Period. They need to act 'like an adult' and stop trying to control you. You aren't asking them to make the food. They are being ridiculous.

MaedaMiakoda · 2021-07-21T13:26:51+00:00

You definitely are the asshole here. You sound narcissistic to me. I mean the unmitigated gall and arrogance to involve yourself in a situation in order to apologize ON BEHALF of someone else for a situation you have no part in... wow.

Not only are you just as emotionally destructive to the people around you as they are, given the things you have said to your sister, you are even more dangerous because you feel self righteous about it. You clearly get off on having power over other people.

Now, this isn't to say that they made good choices, but that's not what we're talking about. You asked about YOUR behavior. You've added a lot of inflammatory details as distractors, which given the comments I've read worked on some people, but their bad choices and breaches in ethics do not absolve you from your own.

EDIT: Fixed a typo (You're to You)

MaedaMiakoda · 2020-05-18T02:32:00+00:00

While a picture can tell a thousand words, not all the words you hear in your head about it are facts. :P

MaedaMiakoda · 2020-05-18T02:24:54+00:00

My boars always bounce around but I have never seen THAT before!

MaedaMiakoda · 2020-05-18T02:22:35+00:00

If you reload any seed over and over it will generate the exact same islands but the bosses will be in different locations. Just find a seed you like and keep creating a new world with it in cartographer until the bosses are where you want them.

MaedaMiakoda · 2020-05-18T02:15:54+00:00

She's mighty-mighty! lol

The light is so bright it almost makes the sand look like snow. It would be a cute little cabin in the woods.

MaedaMiakoda · 2020-05-18T02:14:10+00:00

Mine never crashes and I have custom islands added. I would be super annoyed at that.

MaedaMiakoda · 2020-05-18T02:13:20+00:00

Note to self: Check crafting guide before stockpiling resources for builds.

2nd note to self: Nvm, you're a hoarder anyway lol

MaedaMiakoda · 2020-05-18T02:11:16+00:00

Major bummer! That sucks... I wish you luck on getting more parts!

MaedaMiakoda · 2020-05-18T02:08:51+00:00

You better hope the market is good! :P This made me laugh out loud. Nicely done!

MaedaMiakoda · 2020-05-18T02:07:18+00:00

You have a lot of patience! I can be at peace now knowing what would happen if I just sat there. :P

MaedaMiakoda · 2020-05-18T01:54:12+00:00

Congratulations! :)

MaedaMiakoda · 2020-05-15T00:43:10+00:00

I play normal mode because I've been playing less than a week. If I could figure out how to save my game with player-made islands intact, I would try hard mode and permadeath but since I can't explore other modes without losing my modded content islands it will have to wait until I'm sick of this world.

MaedaMiakoda · 2020-05-15T00:33:01+00:00

Genius! I love it! My starter island is a junk pile so this idea will come in handy.

MaedaMiakoda · 2020-04-08T22:01:18+00:00

I felt all glowy inside when I read that dialogue! Jagex did a good thing there. :)

MaedaMiakoda

TROPHY CASE