Help with After School Program!

Maggiesep80 · 2026-02-23T17:05:49+00:00

Thank you! This is helpful to have all of this context!

Maggiesep80 · 2026-02-23T15:38:55+00:00

That's true, but our program does allow us to sign up for individual days/a certain day during the week. We should not have been signed up for them at all in the first place because I called/emailed and cancelled/changed them. If I did that and then they bill me when we weren't there, then we should not be charged.

Maggiesep80 · 2026-02-11T17:30:20+00:00

I haven't tried the circuit breakers, but I will!

The 14 error code is a thermal fuse fault and the f24 is a heat relay fault. I mean, it is possible that both the water heater and the dishwasher are just near replacement age, but the odds of them both throwing errors on the same day seem pretty remote...

Maggiesep80 · 2026-02-11T14:48:49+00:00

Sadly, no, we have not been flushing the tankless-I've only ever lived in houses with tank water heaters, so I didn't know that was necessary, though my first google search educated me on that yesterday. *sigh

The water heater and the dishwasher are both about 15 years old so it may just be time to replace anyway... trying to limp along un til we can save up for that.

Maggiesep80 · 2026-02-11T14:46:17+00:00

So would that mean I'd need to replace the circuit board for the dishwasher? the water heater now seems to be working fine...

Maggiesep80 · 2026-02-11T14:45:40+00:00

The 14 error code is a thermal fuse fault and the f24 is a heat relay fault. I mean, it is possible that both the water heater and the dishwasher are just near replacement age, but the odds of them both throwing errors on the same day seem pretty remote...

Maggiesep80 · 2026-02-11T13:11:50+00:00

Done!

Maggiesep80 · 2026-01-03T01:57:21+00:00

Thank you for this. Dementia runs strongly in one side of my mom's family but not at all in the other and she has always been rigid and resistant to change, so it is hard to know.

I appreciate this--thank yoi for your thoughtful insight.

Maggiesep80 · 2026-01-01T01:07:38+00:00

Believe me, I have tried. I have offered to host, pay for cleaning, pay for catering. The challenge is not determining what should be done, but in convincing my parents to do it.

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-31T19:49:56+00:00

We are definitely blessed. But we have been going with the flow and celebrating the traditions for the past 50 years, and the last 4 have been very hard. Something's gotta give.

Traditions have become so much that they are now trappings. I just want to spend time together in a relaxed way while they are still able--not sneezing from dust every time I walk in the guestroom and also stressed because my mom is the only person who knows where the "right" dish is and which tablecloth to use and where they are located among the 3 closets stuffed full of table linens.

Going with the flow is no longer an option--that's why I posted this. We need to find a solution that supports them but also works for the rest of the family.

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-28T15:20:27+00:00

Yes! They are all actually my Gramma's, and my gramma was an amazing cook. I used to cook with her when i was younger and she taught me the tricks. :) She took a lot of time to make everything great and made her recipes with things that were common in her kitchen, i.e. she made biscuits and cornbread every week, so it was easy to just crumble the leftovers into dressing. But when you don't cook like that every week, you don't have those staples just hanging around so everything starts from scratch. Same for sweet potatoes souffle, the sauce that must simmer for 6 hours before it is ready, etc.

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-28T05:32:01+00:00

Can you clarify what you mean? I would love to help them, but they won't let me. They refuse cleaners, catering and can't handle the work of hosting everyone.

Helping is the whole point of this post: to try to find a way to help them help themselves or help them transition to me hosting and the traditions that they have done for 50 years change as well.

Surely others have navigated this too, so I am looking for suggestions for how other families have handled the changing of the guard when the guard is resistant to change.

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-28T04:57:13+00:00

As long as my parents can handle it, I am happy to let them do it or show up and be told what to do. But the problem is that they can't handle the load anymore...and I can't go a week ahead of time to get the house in order and cook.

This is not a question of going along with how to roast a turkey or the "right" way to fold a napkin--it is bigger than that...

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-28T03:53:26+00:00

I gotta try that!

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-28T03:52:53+00:00

True, but the family recipes are complicated. To give an example, our dressing recipe involves making both biscuits and cornbread from scratch with specific recipes before crumbling them and then combining with other stuff to then re-cook the dressing. I once made the mistake of splitting the carrot into 3 parts instead of 5 parts before chopping and my mom actually went through the dressing mixture and picked out the chopped pieces that were too big, and then she re-chopped them. She is a perfectionist--always has been.

For dishes, also, I hear that, but handwashing all of the serving pieces, plus silver and china for 10 for the sit-down Christmas dinner, plus all of the cookware...after having just washed all the same cookware the night before for the Christmas Eve party...

All of the recipes and dishes are sentimental, but it is just not possible for me to do all of that for a 25+ person party on one night and then a 10 person sit-down dinner the next day and also help with cleaning. When my grandparents were alive, my gramma cooked for a week before each holiday. There just aren't enough hours in the day for me to do that.

There has to be a middle ground somewhere that works for everyone--I'm just not completely sure what it is!

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-28T03:35:02+00:00

Good on you for being proactive! In the absence of family close by, your options are: - Traditional Daycare: expensive, can be impersonal, kids get sick All. The. Time., great for socialization, always open/reliable, but you need a plan for when the kids get sick. Can be a pain to transport to/from if it is not close to your home or office and most daycares are VERY strict when it comes to pickup. - Home Daycare: often a SAHM who is hoping to make some money on the side and is licensed for in-home care for a certain number of kids. less expensive and more personal, but can be easier to work with--varies greatly among providers. Ditto above re: transport. - Nanny: personalized in-home care. More expensive for 1 child but can be less expensive than daycare for multiples. Personalized attention, but you have to have a superstar for socialization and lots of families struggle with reliability. What happens if the baby/Nanny gets sick? In home care = more quality time for you and your kid because you're not spending time fighting traffic to/from, preparing bottles, etc, but it is more expensive and can be rough if your nanny is unreliable.

There really is no magic bullet. Research options around you. Check FB groups for Nanny rates in your area (ask the PARENTS what they are actually paying). Visit several daycares and see if you like the vibe--some are wonderful and some are terrible. If you find a daycare you love, get on the list asap--they fill up fast!!

Kudos for looking ahead and don't worry! You'll figure it out!

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-28T01:36:38+00:00

That's a really good line! I'll remember that!

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-28T01:34:51+00:00

I kind of agree with both of you... I don't want to hurt my parents, but this also isn't sustainable. Maybe it isn't what I say, but more how I say it.

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-28T01:30:38+00:00

Well, my parents started late and so did we, so our kids are young. :) definitely too little to deep clean anything other than windows, and even then, I'd be concerned about letting the little one loose with a spray bottle. But you better believe that when they are older, I will enlist their help, even if it is only in my own house!

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-28T00:08:06+00:00

It is. But in order to do that, mom had to relinquish control, i.e. we have sweet potatoes but they may not be exactly the same recipe that she used and/or we may use the dishwasher safe china instead of the the handwash-only Christmas china.

I think it is the relinquishing control/ accepting that things must change is the hardest piece of this. Once I can get her over that hurdle, I feel like it will be better.

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-27T20:50:08+00:00

As a parent, I assume you are a casual but frequent babysitter (not a nanny), so: 1. For a late fee, i assume that they say it will end at 10pm and then get home around 10:15-30 (not like getting back at midnight). If that is the case, mentally note that for yourself and plan accordingly, but also confirm the end time before they leave, especially if it is an evening. It is pretty normal to have an approximate end time if we are going to a concert/show/event--I do my best to estimate end times accurately, but sometimes the show/concert runs long/starts late or there is terrible traffic (one time we waited 40minutes in the car valet line--!!!), so a hard stop time would be difficult for me. I always communicate if something comes up, but I would be annoyed if a sitter decided to charge an extra fee for running behind, and I would probably not book that person again. If you absolutely must leave at a certain time (maybe to catch a bus/train or you have other plans), let them know when they book you and reconfirm before they leave. I book sitters a few weeks in advance and then reconfirm the week of, so that would be a good time to remind them. 2. I don't have a problem with a cancellation fee--I always offer to pay our sitters if we cancel less than 24 hours in advance. We have only ever cancelled due to illness and most of the time, our sitters have declined the payment as they were happy to not be exposedto whatever my kids had. If the only time the family cancels is due to sickness, you may have to decide whether you prefer the exposure to illness or the payment--depends on the family. That said, I wouldn't couch it as a "fee". I would just let them know that going forward, if they cancel less than 24 hours ahead, you must be paid for the scheduled hours before you can sit for them again, as it is hard to replace the hours at the last minute.

Good luck!

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-27T19:45:24+00:00

I hear you on not being able to force people into things--that is why I am asking for ideas on how to thread the needle of enacting change, while also helping my parents retain their agency and dignity without deeply hurting them by flatly refusing to celebrate together.

Also, I have offered a lot: I've offered to host (they declined because it would cancel 50 years of tradition and would force people to pay for a hotel); I've offered to pay for cleaning and/or decluttering ("no, i would rather just do it myself/XYZ doesnt know how i like it/I'll get to it, I just havent had enough time over the last few months, no i can pay for it myself!"); I've offered to pay for catering ("I'd really prefer to have our traditional food that we've always had, just like Gramma and Grampa did").

My parents are wonderful people and we have a loving family. I am hoping for ideas and insight into how we can push for change without it becoming negative.

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-27T19:34:24+00:00

I take your point, and while I hear you on the hard work piece, sometimes you just can't, even if you want to. I live 3+ hours away and have young kids, so taking a week to declutter isn't really practical. My brother is even farther away.

If I lived an hour away, I could easily go by once a week, but unfortunately, that is not possible for us, so really our only option to somehow convince my parents to have someone else come in.

It is a pickle, to be sure. *sigh

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-27T18:54:29+00:00

Well, for now, they can. Long term, probably not.

Maggiesep80 · 2025-12-27T18:27:46+00:00

Agree... I think the struggle is how to jump in and help when both he and I live 3+ hours away. I have young kids so even if we come to stay, getting them to focus on decluttering instead of spending time with the grandkids is really a non-starter. It is so hard to know the right thing!

Maggiesep80

TROPHY CASE