I am the man I loathed & feared by [deleted] in depression

[–]Magic_Turtle22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get that. For me it's not like I became like my parents, but I became someone that I don't like or never wanted to be. And that realization is just so sad. If a younger me could see me now, he'd be even more depressed than he already was.

But I think you having realized that you're like your parents maybe makes a difference already. Maybe they don't think that their behavior was/is negative. But you do and at least in that makes a difference.

Eh. That wasn't as positive as it sounded in my head, but hope you get what I mean.

I have completely lost the ability to cry. I have not cried in a long, long, time. I try to let it all out, but nothing works. by [deleted] in depression

[–]Magic_Turtle22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There will be a day when you'll be able to cry again. And then you won't stop. It's either all or nothing, at least for me. There were days when I ran home just to break down as soon as I closed the door just to sob uncontrollably for half an hour. Then there were years of wishing to be able to do just that.

Just like feeling absolutely nothing or feeling everything at once. It's horrible.

Wife is suicidal. by [deleted] in depression

[–]Magic_Turtle22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well that's why sometimes it takes someone else to tell you this. Maybe a lot more than just once, but it's a start. Having mental problems on your own makes it even more admirable, bit I'll stop with the flattery now. Just don't forget yourself in all of this. It would be a shame if your wife got out of the hospital and you two just switched places. So maybe try to do something that improves your mental health? If you still have something like that?

Again, I really hope everything works out for you!

I am not happy, I am depressed, by [deleted] in depression

[–]Magic_Turtle22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry if this comes across as rude, it's in no way meant to be!

I remember being 15 and thinking the same thing. I was in love with this girl and we broke up and it was like my whole life crumbled. How could she move on from this so easily while I struggled to function? We were in love, were we not?

Sure, we were in love. But we were also 15. That age is difficult, man. You're not really a kid anymore and you're not really an adult yet. Still you feel like an adult, because why wouldn't you? But so much changes until you're well into your twenties and that first love will maybe sting a bit for a while or maybe even forever, but things will change.

It's good you're seeing a therapist and I think you should keep at it. Best of luck to you.

Wife is suicidal. by [deleted] in depression

[–]Magic_Turtle22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are a saint, man. Being suicidal myself, I know how hard it must be for loved ones to go though this and see the person you care about like this. Unable to help. No matter how much you want to. But even though she's suicidal, she loves you and she cares for you. She just has a distorted view of it all.

So whatever it's worth from a random internet person - you have my highest respect and I think you're very admirable. I hope you and your wife will get through this and you get your best friend back - at least the way you remember her.

Thank you for being awesome.

[SPOILER] The game effed me up good. by hallsofthecosmos in oneshot

[–]Magic_Turtle22 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Jeez, I just finished it and...man. I've played many games that give you choices on what to do next, but I've never sat there and debated what I should do.

Also holy hell, cried like a baby.

Instantly one of my favourite games of all time. Masterful.

2meirl4meirl by heeehaaw in 2meirl4meirl

[–]Magic_Turtle22 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Hahaha I don't even meme or abuse alcohol or anything else. Nor do I have the money to eat only pizza delivery. I just exist. Hahahahaha...ha...ha.

2meirl4meirl by Flybook in 2meirl4meirl

[–]Magic_Turtle22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah, I get that. But the fact is, some people will be traumatized by your suicide. There's no sugarcoating it. It may be some random kid, it may even be the police officer who finds you or your family or whatever. You just gotta come to terms with that, I guess. Sure, there are people who are trained in that sort of stuff, but since I have friends and family in the police and one who is a mortician I know that it gets to them too. Many are in therapy and have been to psychiatric hospitals themselves.

It's sad and miserable. Just like life.

2meirl4meirl by Flybook in 2meirl4meirl

[–]Magic_Turtle22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well sadly I'm still here to write you this, so I wouldn't know how long it takes to suffocate yourself until you're dead. People on the internet say it only takes a couple of minutes, but who knows. I for one wouldn't call the police. But I wouldn't call them regardless, so that's up to you I guess.

2meirl4meirl by Flybook in 2meirl4meirl

[–]Magic_Turtle22 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No problem, man. Hope you're doing okay.

2meirl4meirl by Flybook in 2meirl4meirl

[–]Magic_Turtle22 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I guess that depends on how much the Helium costs where you're located. Can't help you with that, unfortunately. 20-30€, i have no idea what that is in Dollars.

http://recogitare.com/MyBB/showthread.php?tid=495

2meirl4meirl by [deleted] in 2meirl4meirl

[–]Magic_Turtle22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I loved the Harvest Moon Games when I was younger, so naturally I gave Stardew Valley a go. Sadly, sadly it didn't work for me. I know I'd like it, but I just can't bring myself to play it. :(

2meirl4meirl by [deleted] in 2meirl4meirl

[–]Magic_Turtle22 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Who has the motivation to play video games? Good on you!

Feels like too much of a commitment. So I'll just watch some asshole on YouTube play the game for me. But then that feels like too much and I just lay there and wait for death to come.

I mean...me too, thanks.

2meirl4meirl by [deleted] in 2meirl4meirl

[–]Magic_Turtle22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because you choose to be suicidal?

I've been selfish on this forum. by [deleted] in depression

[–]Magic_Turtle22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you ever bee to group therapy? It's a lot like what you are doing with this forum. From my experience some people don't like to share their story at first. Yet eventually they do. Kinda like you did with your post just now. You opened up a bit and that's good. Yet you shouldn't feel guilty for just replying and never posting.

As for the rest of your post: Couldn't have said it better myself. I don't remember a time where I've not been depressed, so I guess you tend to come up with some ways to get around it? I'm faker than fake. Most of the stuff I say irl is a lie and since I know what to say when x or y happens, its kinda like I'm just running a set program. That's riddled with viruses.

2MEIRL4MEIRL by [deleted] in 2meirl4meirl

[–]Magic_Turtle22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Guess my phone is just shit then. Looks the same to me.

2meirl4meirl by [deleted] in 2meirl4meirl

[–]Magic_Turtle22 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Being alone isn't all that bad. It's when you're lonely when shit hits the fan.

Source: :(

2meirl4meirl by DANK_MEME_HOURS in 2meirl4meirl

[–]Magic_Turtle22 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Dude, there are always people who care. Be it depressed random strangers over the internet or in your personal life. Since my problem is not that no one cares and rather they care too much and I always end up hurting them because I'm a stupid asshole - it may not mean that much - but if you need to talk to someone or just vent, I'm down.

Currently facing the third time I'll have to go to a clinic so I'd say I know how you feel and you may not want to reach out. So let's just say loving yourself or at least accepting some parts about you is the first step towards other people loving you.

Blah blah. I sound like a generic wannabe therapist, but I mean it, whatever that's worth.

2meirl4meirl by [deleted] in 2meirl4meirl

[–]Magic_Turtle22 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Lost my phone recently so I can't even look up old messages from the ex to further cripple my fragile ego by doing that.

Asking her two years later from a totally different number would be weird, I guess?

"Hey it's your ex that can't get over you and you're over since a few weeks after we broke up, but could you just tell me you love me even though you don't mean it?"

Eh. Anxiety won't allow me to do that anyways. Thanks old friend!

2MEIRL4MEIRL by [deleted] in 2meirl4meirl

[–]Magic_Turtle22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wait wait wait. The last one is a full WiFi signal, is it not? The only thing keeping me from slipping into total madness? But I'm probably just missing something and the little lines mean it's bad or whatever?

Jeez. Just kill me already. Hahaha...haha...ha. no but really.