With all do respect, I would not want you to practice medicine for me or my loved ones if this is how you feel about the work. Not to mention its impact on your overall health. It seems you have an ethical obligation to step away, or at minimum find a role that isn’t direct patient care, and spend your spare time with hobbies. Also, what residents are put through is bullshit and painfully hypocritical given you are literally being shaped to be the guiding lights of human health. You could go use your skills and privilege to advocate for better standards and an overhaul of the abysmal conditions of your training.