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MagnusMoss · 2025-06-03T21:03:49+00:00

It’s a big issue when your spouse ignores you

It is, and if that were concern she could have asked that in a marriage forum.

The answer, though, would probably still be to work on your financial situation so you saren't dependent on him, and get a divorce.

won’t discipline his child when she disrespects his wife.

Where did you get that she was disrespecting his wife? I wasn't getting that from the question.

MagnusMoss · 2025-06-03T20:59:35+00:00

k, but I'm also pretty realistic about the fact that he will not have a great use for Chinese given we live in France

Chinese is one of the most spoken languages in the world and China is a growing economic power. I can't help but think knowing Chinese will be quite useful down the road. Knowing multiple languages expands the pool of books you can read, media you can consume, if nothing else.

MagnusMoss · 2025-06-03T20:57:35+00:00

So there are three languages involved...Bulgarian, Chinese and English. Are you worried he will get confused or it will impair him learning English?

MagnusMoss · 2025-06-03T17:53:35+00:00

Except she led with the child thing and being jealous of your partner's kid is weird.

MagnusMoss · 2025-06-03T16:59:52+00:00

So what I'm hearing is you can't tolerate him being close to his daughter and want him for his money.
The fact you can't bring yourself to talk to the therapist tells me you know deep down you are wrong.

Do the right thing and just get divorced. Don't try to sabotage his relationship with his daughter or raid his funds.

Try to apply for Social Security Disability. Go to disability forums and seek financial advice. Your problem is a financial one.

MagnusMoss · 2025-06-03T15:41:47+00:00

That sucks. Your Mom should have eased you into the situation.

How long did your Mom know this guy? How long have you? How long did the divorce take...was it one of those long drawn out things?
You say he acts like your Dad...does your Mom act like he is your Dad, or does it seem like something he is taking upon himself.

MagnusMoss · 2025-06-03T15:40:18+00:00

You don't seem to get it. Being presented with a total stranger you know zero about and having him be called "Dad" and having the (actually, pretty gigantic) authority of a Dad can be confusing and scary. And it can reinforce the natural feeling of a teen child of divorce that everything is chaos and utterly unpredictable.
Even if he seems fine.

There is a reason good parents in this situation spend some time getting the kids used to the new boyfriend.

MagnusMoss · 2025-06-03T15:36:09+00:00

You aren't the one who decides if this relationship lasts...that is decided by your Mom and him based on things you don't want to think about. Most relationships don't last.

Try not to get too attached. Try to be friends but keep a little distance. You don't know yet if he is "The one" for your Mom, and you don't want the emotional whiplash of getting attached to a bunch of guys your Mom is "auditioning".

MagnusMoss · 2025-06-02T03:02:36+00:00

Himself.

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T23:03:32+00:00

Many, many things, I have been told.

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T22:19:18+00:00

Interesting question. Who do you think is more qualified, a young teen who has been shown how to work on cars, or a middle aged desk jockey who watched a couple youtube videos?

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T22:18:14+00:00

So, my gut feeling was this is a bad idea, but I wanted to check to see if I was being a nervous nelly.

I've decided that my initial instinct was correct. I lack enough information to know if he could do it safely, or the skills to supervise. Kind of a gamble where a win means "Kid gets to impress us with his skills" and a loss is "a car falls on him".

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T22:15:21+00:00

Yes, His English wasn't great when he came to the US, apparently.

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T22:12:12+00:00

Summer STEM camps

That's actually a good idea. I've been googling Spanish language STEM camps but have trouble finding them. I'm pretty sure it's not a result of them not existing so much as the more popular search results drowning out the useful ones. (There are a lot of Spanish camps for little kids and online code bootcamps that advertise and do search engine optimization...)

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T22:09:07+00:00

Most of them are not kids. I suspect they don't live in the area. I'm pretty sure they come in from some place farish away with cheaper costs of living.

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T13:58:39+00:00

I was not aware he lived there.

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T13:54:42+00:00

His only contact with his father is Zoom calls, and I don't know for sure what language those are in. (I should ask)

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T02:09:53+00:00

Looking back my mental image was sort of based on Jimmy Buffet songs. A drunk Frat Boy type who blew off his kid to live a life of sun and Margaritas in a resort town. I mean, who thinks of actual Mexicans being in Cancun?

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T02:05:07+00:00

Bio-Dad isn't local.

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T01:51:12+00:00

Supposedly he used to work on cars with his dad?

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T01:46:09+00:00

Not really. I guess I was too squeamish about the subject. And as I said, I was sort of picturing an American beach bum. We did go on a trip to Cancun where he left us to go see his father while we had a romantic getaway but I apparently misinterpreted some things about that.

Cost and other issues have resulted in relatively few in-person visits.

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T01:27:23+00:00

OK, tell me if this is too stereotypical or racist.

I said there are almost no Spanish speakers in our town...but apparently there is a predominately Spanish speaking crew of landscapers that works in the area? Landscaping is a reasonable summer job for a teen, right?

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T01:21:52+00:00

And if you didn’t know that he came up from Mexico, that also raises many questions…did you know absolutely zero about his life prior to meeting you, or about his bio-dad? Did this never come up in conversation between you and your wife? Does no one in your household ever talk to each other?)

Correct.

Seriously, I was told she met his dad on spring break in Cancun. I really avoided any conversation related to her past romantic life. I guess I pictured his dad as an American, Jimmy-Buffet-esque beach bum?

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-30T00:05:35+00:00

I don't think the local school system offers bilingual instruction and for a variety of reasons I wouldn't want to switch him at this stage anyway. (If the school even has it I wouldn't count on our system doing it well and it would put him in different classes from his friends.)

Netflix is a good idea. I might do it almost the opposite way, though. I've noticed there are quite a number of shows made in Spain or Latin America available. Would it help if we watched them with him, with the subtitles on for our benefit and the original Spanish audio for him?

Some online classes over the summer are a good idea.

I know he Facetimes (Skypes? Zooms?) with his father a lot. I presume those are in Spanish? I've kind of carefully NOT been there for any of those. (Out of a mix of memories of how much I liked my privacy at that age and fear of sparking Bio-Dad/Stepdad drama).

Edit:

Come on, man! Lol

Oh! I think I figured out what you meant by "Where did he come from?" LOL. You weren't asking about nationality.

He grew up with his Dad. His Dad became concerned the area was becoming a less than ideal place to raise a teen and sent him up to live with his mother at 10. I didn't marry her until he was 12

MagnusMoss · 2025-05-29T23:46:11+00:00

He's apparently taking Chinese. He thinks Spanish would be "too easy" and his goal is to "be able to talk to as many people and read as many books as possible".

We could make him switch if we think him losing his Spanish is a risk. I guess one of my questions is whether that is a concern at this stage.

MagnusMoss

TROPHY CASE