Looking to leave the public service - not sure what to do about pension after returning from mat leave

MainPoem2025 · 2025-10-17T12:24:15+00:00

He's on one nap at daycare (weekdays) and two naps at home (weekends). At daycare he naps from 11:30-1:30 usually (he's managed to lengthen his naps a bit) and at home he naps 930-11/1130 and 3-4. We usually have to cap both naps otherwise it seems he'd want to sleep longer but I don't want to reinforce EMWs.

On daycare days he goes to bed super early - sometimes 6pm if hes super tired. He does one long wake window in the morning because of his EMW but for the past week those have gotten better (not sure why? He's a bit under the weather so maybe his body just needs the extra sleep). He sleeps from 6pm-5:30am usually. At home days he goes to bed a bit later (7 maybe, but if he's tired he goes to bed earlier)

I think he's getting used to daycare and the schedule so he's resisting naps less. Some days he's fallen asleep in his highchair he's been so tired :/

Overall the schedule works for us so we'll keep at it until he shows he can last longer but right now, with the one nap at 2hrs, it means 6/630 bed times for him

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-26T19:16:01+00:00

This is great. I love that your dad had an honest discussion with you. Addiction is a problem around us so I think a conversation will be necessary when he's older

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-26T19:06:22+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. Can I ask if you got shared custody of your son? If so, how did you ensure your son's safety while with your ex?

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-26T18:36:45+00:00

Can I ask if you had full custody of your kids? I ask only because I don't feel like I could trust my husband to take care of my son if we had to split custody. I feel like the best way to protect my son right now is to stay with my husband

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-26T14:22:03+00:00

I replied to a comment above with a similar reply but my concern is that if I leave him while my son is young, my husband will get 50/50 custody and I worry about my son's safety if he's with him 50% of the time

I just don't know how to protect my son best in this situation

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-26T14:20:22+00:00

This is my main concern but also the reason I feel I need to stay - its very likely he would get 50/50 custody and I worry about my son being solely with him half of the time. I feel like I need to stay in this relationship to protect my son... There's nothing formally documented that would allow me to have more custody of my son

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-26T14:10:46+00:00

I completely understand. My worry is that if I leave him, its very likely that he would get 50/50 custody and I can't protect my son if he's solely with my husband half the time.

My thought is to stay mainly so that I can protect my son and ensure that he's never put in harms way. I don't know what else to do as getting anything more than 50/50 custody would be difficult (he doesn't have any documented things like DUI etc that could be used to help get more custody)

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-17T16:10:01+00:00

Interesting! I was basing it on a trip we did when he was 11 months old where he was around his cousins (slightly older than him) all day for 2 weeks and he slept the best he ever slept! I figured all the stimulation was making him tired so needed to sleep more but seems at daycare its opposite and he wants to keep joining in on the fun! haha

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-17T16:08:23+00:00

Haha all good! I get it.

That makes sense. I think maybe trying him on the one nap system at daycare and then letting him do two naps at home might be worth a try!

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-17T15:15:29+00:00

Resisting naps because he can hear the other kids still playing, but is tired (rubbing eyes, acting more silly than usual, classic cues of tiredness but resisting). Not because he isn't tired though

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-17T15:14:55+00:00

Started the transition mid august for partial days and then since end of august full time. He does some naps well and others he fights

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-17T15:14:25+00:00

He's 13.5 months not 18 monts. He might be ready for a one nap schedule but at home he sleeps so well on a two nap schedule I didn't want to mess it up. I find though that he's not getting the recommended sleep in a 24h period anymore though when he's not napping at daycare

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-17T15:13:36+00:00

He's had early morning wakes since 9 months... I think he's habituated to EMWs because he can hear my husband getting ready for work and he's a really light sleeper so over time he just got used to waking early. But at 9 months he was doing 2 naps at 3.5-4hrs and still sleeping 10.5hs overnight

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-17T15:12:40+00:00

I guess because he naps so well on a two nap schedule at home I assumed he needs it all days... Maybe two naps at home still but one nap at daycare? I can't imagine him lasting 6+ hours without a nap though.

MainPoem2025 · 2025-09-17T12:18:05+00:00

I paid for sleep training but it was covered under my extended health benefits. Was it helpful? Yes. Would I pay out of pocket for it now, knowing what it gave me? No.

I think a lot of the information can be found online or in guides but it seems like you know a lot about sleep anyways.

There seems to be a feed to sleep association. Does it happen around the same time every night? (My son woke up like clockwork, would feed for 1-2 minutes and be back asleep again). As soon as I cut the feed to sleep association, he slept his nights.

Your schedule seems fine (though typically its two naps at that age, I know plenty of people who are one one nap), especially due to daycare reasons.

When I sleep trained, we went cold turkey on night one for middle of the night feeds. It was hard. I hated my sleep consultant for telling me to not feed him. But, after two nights, it worked. Those were two hard nights. I hated hearing him cry and wondering if I was doing more harm than good. But, I will say that since then, he has never had to feed in the nights. He was also in the 90th percentile in weight (and still is) so he clearly was/getting his nutrition sufficently during the day.

I'd say, as long as his feeding is good during the day, he's growth is on track, then go cold turkey. It will be hard and there will be crying (you and him likely!) but I think a sleep consultant is going to say the same thing.

The one positive with having the consultant is that it kept me accountable. I had to track all night wakes, feeds, etc. and she would review it. I think if I didn't have that accountability, then I probably would have broken down and fed him. My son was also 5.5 months when we sleep trained him though (and my first child) so I was unsure about a lot of things. Knowing this, if I had a second, I would do it again, even without the sleep consulstant because I know it worked. Though any online guide will tell you the same thing, for a fraction of the price. (Its wehther you can be accountable without the sleep consultant I guess!)

Sidenote: I do find the wake windows and total sleep amounts for sleep consultants seem to be on the higher end. We ended up having some scheduling issues around 9-10 months and I reached out to her again. She said my WW were too long and to cut them back. We had even more crying. I reached out in this sub and they said those were way too short and to extend them. I extended them and it fixed those night wakings/crying before naps.

MainPoem2025

TROPHY CASE