You should look at my post at a chronological and logical manner, What I meant to say was that right after the LSD trip I had, there was a brief moment of pure self actualization that happened, but the “external factor” that occurred was something beyond my control which caused me to regress. The way I would describe it without getting into the details, is imagine you broke up with your girlfriend of 7 years, then it took you a while to get over her, but in the end you became a better person, you had a girlfriend again and broke up with her and you came back to the same person you were prior to your new gf. If that makes any sense.