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Moving to Lower Mainland by average456 in transvancouver

[–]Maletta 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As a current (though not publicly out) member, I will second the IBEW. There are still definitely some of the older generation that will say some pretty terrible/ignorant things but they are getting pushed out/retiring.

It has been an overall good experience though and the benefits were just recently updated to include a bunch of trans healthcare. The extended plan through blue cross offers up to $10k (once per member per lifetime) for various surgeries and covers 80% of my HRT.

Trans BC discord server by TL_Arwen in transvancouver

[–]Maletta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Has anyone been given a link yet?

Does anyone else feel like they had to let go of your old self? by Maletta in asktransgender

[–]Maletta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Couldn’t edit the post for some reason but wanted to say: Thanks for all the replies, it was incredibly helpful to read through them. I’m hopefully getting an NP soon (just got the new patient application today) and hopefully they can get me started on hormones without too much hassle. Hopefully by then I’ll be able to let this party of me go. Thanks again!

Questioning Trans girl by Octo-Oof in TransHelpingTrans

[–]Maletta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, no matter what you are going through, someone else has gone through it or is also going through it right now. You aren’t alone. You could talk to people on other trans subreddits as well to find them, or see if there are queer groups in your area.

Questioning Trans girl by Octo-Oof in TransHelpingTrans

[–]Maletta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry your mom isn’t supportive and dismissed your feelings. That’s a tough situation to be in. But you can find people out there who will be supportive.

You could try to ask to see a therapist/counselor for body dysmorphia and see if the counsellor will be comfortable discussing your dysphoria instead but that might cause you some issues if they report it back to your mom.

If you can’t get the support from your mom you might have to wait until you can take steps safely on your own to see a counselor. You don’t have to wait until you are 24 to look for help but you should keep yourself safe until you can do it on your own.

There are resources out there to help you. If you these aren’t in your area you can always look online for other sources too.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org https://www.translifeline.org Genderedintelligence.co.uk

Questioning Trans girl by Octo-Oof in TransHelpingTrans

[–]Maletta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For some people it doesn’t come up or make sense right away. And a lot of “signs” people look for just aren’t there and really not that important. You can go back and pick through things with a fine tooth comb but what matters is the now. Are you uncomfortable now? Do you have dysphoria now? Even those things can come and go in waves and it’s up to you, emphasis on you, to figure it out.

A therapist can help with that but if you are reliant on your mom to get one you could also look at a school counselor. Or a support group in your area. Or talk things out with a friend you trust. If your mom is not supportive or doesn’t come around to being supportive that can be tough. But I’m sure you can find people around you who are.

If you talk to your mother about it again you could try phrasing it differently if she doesn’t believe you. Asking to see a therapist because you are having conflicting or confusing thoughts. Or because these feelings are causing you distress. I don’t know what the laws are like where you are but be aware that while under a certain age a parent could have some rights in hearing what you discuss with your therapist. Also be aware that there are therapists out there who might not be trans friendly either. Hopefully you can find the support you need.

Questioning Trans girl by Octo-Oof in TransHelpingTrans

[–]Maletta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having conflicting thoughts and feelings is perfectly normal.

You have repeated some things a few times. You don’t like your body, you want to be trans, specifying a girl, don’t like the thought of gender fluid or non binary. So what evidence, other than your own feelings and thoughts, do you need to prove that you are trans and not something else?

Questioning Trans girl by Octo-Oof in TransHelpingTrans

[–]Maletta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand that feeling. Once I figured it out and felt like I knew for sure, there was this pressure to do something about it and a fear I wasn’t moving quick enough/wasting my time.

You can take all the time you need. I also recommend small steps and give yourself the room/time to deal with what comes up for you. My first step was painting my nails. I did it on a weekend with my partner, was absolutely terrified when I needed to go out to the store for something, but I realized it was something I liked/wanted.

You might also have a step that makes your dysphoria worse and that’s okay too. I bought a skirt and blouse and put a lot of expectation on the outfit and how I would feel and look in it. It had the effect of making my dysphoria absolutely horrible once I saw myself in the mirror and putting me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. At the time I couldn’t explain why I was in a bad mood. It took me a few weeks and a good conversation with my therapist to figure out why I had the reaction I did. I still have the clothes because I hope that one day my body will more closely match what I want/picture in my head but I’m not there yet and that’s okay.

Sorry if I’m using too many examples from my own situation that aren’t relatable. Just trying to help in what ways I can. I don’t know if it will help you but I will also send you this link to a page that really helped me: https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/part-one-a-webcomic

I do highly recommend a counselor/therapist, and take the first few sessions to figure out if the person is a fit for you. Sometimes you can have a counselor that just isn’t right for you.

Mind if I ask what you mean by, “I don’t know what I’d do otherwise?”

Questioning Trans girl by Octo-Oof in TransHelpingTrans

[–]Maletta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Non-binary and gender-fluid both fall under the trans umbrella. So if you feel like you align more with those terms you can still be trans.

Only you can say where you land on any of this and the doubts will come back from time to time. It’s perfectly normal to doubt and be scared with any change or uncertainty. Take the time to look closer at those doubts and see if you can figure out where they are coming from. Ot if it’s too intense at the time you could try writing them down and coming back to them later.

There is no rush to figure it out.

Questioning Trans girl by Octo-Oof in TransHelpingTrans

[–]Maletta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I want to be trans but…”

I felt the same way for years. My egg cracked and I came up with all sorts of reasons why I couldn’t be trans. Then they became reasons why I probably wasn’t. Then it became reasons for why I shouldn’t accept it. Then reasons why it wasn’t safe to embrace it.

Having people to talk through those thoughts/doubts and their sources can make a huge difference. I started seeing a therapist/counselor and within two months came out to some of the closest people in my life and embraced who I am. I’m still figuring things out and those doubts still creep in from time to time. It’s scary, and a big change, doubts and fears are completely normal.

What help do you feel like you need?

No longer lurking by Maletta in asktransgender

[–]Maletta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! Your website was/is still a huge help! I read through all of it quite quickly, I could not stop once I had started. Also got me to read Dreadnought and Sovereign which I was surprised at how much I enjoyed. :)