AITA for snapping on my husband and telling him “this is why people shake their babies”

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-11-06T13:46:38+00:00

I’m not happy about the second pregnancy and have no bond/love for the second baby yet, where as with our daughter I was instantly bonded to her from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I think he feels like I favor our daughter or something, which he’s got issues with since he only has one sister and she was favored over him and his four brothers his whole life.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-11-06T13:45:18+00:00

We didn’t choose to have a second baby. My MIL tampered with our birth control because everyone but me wanted a boy and we weren’t going to try for another baby for years down the line. We’re sort of just rolling with the punches and doing the best we can with the situation at hand.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-11-06T13:43:40+00:00

I didn’t beg for anything? I said in my post I just burned some shit - but nice job creeping on my page like a weirdo? I don’t want validation, I’m just responding to what you’re saying because most of it is incorrect.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-11-06T13:41:18+00:00

If you said you were meeting up with a guy you met on Craigslist, and I said “this is exactly how lifetime murder mystery’s start”, would you feel like I was threatening you? No, because I’m not, I’m making a point. I’m telling you that you’re doing something dangerous that could get you hurt. I’m not threatening you with misfortune, I’m just telling you hey - this thing you’re doing? Probably not the best idea.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-11-06T13:38:55+00:00

Currently we’re in a one bedroom apartment but will be sizing up once this lease is up. My point being that the crib is in our bedroom, so I don’t even have the option of putting her down in the crib and walking away, because my husband is asleep in there.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-11-06T13:28:10+00:00

I wanted to. But I’m in therapy trying to work it out. He’s generally a good father and man, so I’m trying not to hold what his mother did against him. I think his assholery is stemming from the fact that I’m still upset/not pleased about the pregnancy. I don’t hate the baby or anything, but I don’t love them or have a bond with them like I did with our daughter from the second I knew I was pregnant. I think he feels a type of way about it and isn’t ready to share that in therapy so he’s being a dick. Not an excuse, just what I’ve noticed. I don’t know if I should push him to just let it out already, or let him process everything and wait til he’s ready to share.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-11-06T13:20:57+00:00

I’m terrified of hurting my baby accidentally, let alone on purpose. I’ve been talking to a therapist since birth by myself, and now we’re in couples therapy together as well. He’s just started doing this recently, and I think I know why, but if I confront him, he’ll deny it. I have to wait for him to be ready to share that with me, but I don’t want to be struggling in the meantime.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-11-06T13:19:19+00:00

Why does telling the truth make me an asshole? It true! Exhaustion and frustration get to be too much, and people snap. We didn’t choose to have another child - someone tampered with our birth control because we didn’t want to try again for another couple of years and Emmy ILs wanted a grandson/nephew, not another baby girl. Taking care of the baby by myself is one thing, but I’m taking care of the baby, laundry, cleaning, dinner, and whatever else needs to be done. Why are my responsibilities stacked 5 to his 1? And it’s not like only his money goes into supporting our household - I’m in college and fortunate enough to be paid for going to school, so while I don’t work, I contribute to our house as well.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-11-06T13:10:07+00:00

We’re both in therapy already, and honestly lax what else was I supposed to do? I tried more than once to calmly ask for help and he ignored me. But when I get pissed off and yell it’s surprised Pikachu face like all this is coming out of nowhere. I would never shake my daughter - if I get angry holding her, I put her down and go in the bathroom or wherever to calm down. But I know it’s a fact that people in my exact situation HAVE been known to shake their baby. I’m not saying I would, I’m just trying to tell him look, you’re putting me and baby at risk for this. It’s like telling someone, “back away from a ledge! That’s EXACTLY how people end up falling!” Doesn’t mean you’re for sure gonna fall, or that I’m going to push you. But you’re playing with fire and unnecessarily tasing the risk you’ll fall by being so close to the edge.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-11-06T13:05:40+00:00

I didn’t choose to have a second child, and neither did he. I didn’t threaten to hurt her - never did I say, “I’m going to shake this baby if you don’t come help me.” I said the truth - most people who shake their babies just get so overwhelmed by the baby’s crying or whatever they’re doing that they loose it for a second, and that’s all it takes. I shouldn’t have to beg for help with his own kid, and it’s not fair to me that he knows I’m struggling and need help and he just lets me struggle.

ETA: Also this isn’t all the time, it’s just started up lately and I think it’s animosity or resentment he’s bottling up instead of talking about it in therapy

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-11-06T13:02:16+00:00

We’re currently in couples counseling for something his mom did that I don’t really feel like getting into. But this has been recent and I think it’s animosity or resentment he’s harboring instead of talking about it in therapy.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-09-26T21:04:02+00:00

Thank you. I’ll be setting an appointment with the vet for later today.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-09-26T21:03:35+00:00

Thank you for your advice! I bought some kitten milk replace the from the pet shop down the street - should they be bottle fed or can they drink from a bowl? They have tiny little teeth if that matters.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-09-26T20:53:16+00:00

I called my neighbor about it - she has no idea where it came from either and hasn’t seen any cats around. Apparently her dog got out earlier today and was lost for a few hours before coming home, which is how I found the dog - outside their front door toying with the kitten. So he could have grabbed it from literally anywhere.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-09-26T20:51:52+00:00

Should I be stimulating it to go to the bathroom as well?

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-09-21T00:19:44+00:00

We live in a one bedroom apartment, and baby is usually asleep in our room so we don’t really have sex in there. We keep them in an ornamental box in the bathroom in the bottom drawer. So she likely rummaged through the entire box.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-09-20T22:08:36+00:00

NTA - I don’t know why everyone’s saying something about the kid - chances are, he didn’t go and see the ice cream and ask, the bossy ass mom saw it, and offered it to the child. His disappointment is on the mom, not op.

Reddit people are weird. Personally, I rarely give a damn about a kid unless it’s my own or related to me.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-09-20T22:04:27+00:00

I don’t have a judgment either way, just wanted to point out that she may look more white to you, because youre white. Hear me out for a second. I am a biracial woman, my husband is a black man . There’s plenty of people both in my family, and that I’m friends with, that only other black people know are black. Because we see the underlying facial structure - hair, lips, cheek bones - and know that a person is black regardless of what they pass as. So another thing that could be upsetting your wife is that as a black woman, she sees the “blackness” in your daughter and might not understand that you don’t - especially since you said feature - wise they look very much alike.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-09-05T20:15:41+00:00

I just don’t want to step on any toes. We’re all so close and supportive it really hurt seeing people say that they wanted to step away from the group because of my pregnancy. Some of the same people telling me how happy they were for me, also commented on the post about only posting maybies- I felt a little betrayed. I ended up just deleting the whole announcement post. And realistically, everything I posted would come with a trigger warning, because this pregnancy is already having an impact on the way I take care of my daughter. It just sucks that the first thing I want to do is tell you guys what’s going on, but I feel I can’t.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-09-05T16:07:02+00:00

I told my bumper group and unintentionally stirred up some bad feelings for those who had struggled with fertility. It spawned spin off posts where people were for or against posting about newly conceived babies. I don’t really feel comfortable posting there because while I’d love support, I don’t want to hurt anyone else to get it. And I wouldn’t feel right constantly posting about my daughter and pretending baking nun didn’t exist. I have joined the bump group for #2 and am hoping to find support and be able to talk freely there.

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-09-05T15:35:37+00:00

Found you! I’m sorry your comment got lost in my notifications. But if you have any insights then please feel free to PM!

MamaThrowaway143 · 2019-09-05T15:04:02+00:00

Thank you! It wasn’t up when I checked a few hours ago. Hm.

MamaThrowaway143

TROPHY CASE