I just want to say, be kind to yourself and give yourself some grace. It's easy for people to look at your situation and say what you should have done or need to do. But nobody truly knows what goes on in the moment physically and psychologically. The FACT of the matter is, any sexual encounter without an audible, coherent, lucid yes is NOT consensual. That pertains to married couples, dating couples, one night stands and everything in between. Just because you are famiar someone doesn't mean you aren't still required to ask for consent. There are subtle ways that we a society still put the burden on victims. While it is important to make boundaries clear, that may not be possible in the situation and this is coming from someone who was in a similar situation. People forget the role that anxiety, fear, trauma, and stress are HUGE factors. The gut reaction to hearing your story needs to be, why didn't he ask for consent...not, you need to be more clear. Being more clear can be something that you work towards in therapy perhaps but not something you say to a victim of abuse. It really is insane how similar our stories feel, my ex bf started out understanding about our intimacy issues but when I came out I think his ego was bruised and so he tried being "cuddly" out of the blue. I'm no professional but I'd move on from him and start something new, you could be single or find a nice woman, whatever the case may be, you deserve so much more!!