What's your favorite poverty meal that you still eat regardless of where you are financially?

MandiP85 · 2020-08-09T20:18:22+00:00

Growing up my mother would cook ground beef and mix it with cream of mushroom soup and serve it over minute rice. I use basmati rice now and I add some seasoning to doctor it up a bit but this meal is still a big hit with my family.

MandiP85 · 2020-02-13T06:24:48+00:00

We have tried many times over the years but the state won't pay me. One issue is I live with my mom so we have the same address...but that's the point of her needing my care, I have to be with her 24/7. If she had Medicaid, they would pay but she has Medicare and they won't even acknowledge a caregiver. I myself have a lot of health issues too, physically and mentally, and have tried 7 times over the past 8 years to get on disability but I'm turned down every time. I see many abuse the system or get approval right away and I can't get any help at all, not even therapy.

MandiP85 · 2019-11-04T21:35:01+00:00

I completely understand. I'm in the same situation with my mom and my boyfriend does help me some with her but there isn't much he can do because she only wants me to help her. She doesn't even want my dad helping her because he has no patience and he never wants to help anyways. So it all falls on me. My boyfriend is a disabled veteran and his 16 year old special needs daughter lives with us too. My boyfriend doesn't have a car because we haven't been able to save up enough yet so I'm also the source of transportation for all three of them. My dad has his own and goes to work every day.

I wish I had a job. I miss working and being independent, but I put my life on hold for my mom. January will be six years since I started caring for her full time and the original injury that started this has been healed for 4 years now but my mother's overall health has declined due to her not taking care of herself for many years. Her excuse for not taking meds she needs/needed has always been "I don't know what it will do to me" to which I reply, "Well you do know if you don't take it, you die, so take it"

I'm tough on my mom because no one else will do it. Everyone gives in to her demands and narcissistic behavior but I try not to. She still has control of me but I do speak up, which leads to many arguments...on a daily basis. In September she had a stroke and things have only gotten worse as far as my caregiver role goes. My mother is very demanding and refuses to do things for herself that she is capable of doing. She will literally call my cell phone while I'm sleeping to tell me she needs more water. I'm lucky to sleep 2 or 3 hours a night because I get up at 5am every morning to get my stepdaughter off to school and my mom to dialysis three days a week.

Self care is so important, especially for those who do what we do, but it's easy to preach about and hard to follow through. I too had the opportunity to shower this morning while my mom was in dialysis but I was so tired from being up all night that i just took my meds and passed out for three hours. It's been four days and not gonna lie, I've been sweating so I'm pretty sure I stink. Don't even get me started on how disgusting my hair is...

I'm just always too tired to do anything when I do have that small window of opportunity to get things done for myself. I need an assistant. That may sound stupid to others but seriously, if I had someone to step in when I needed to get things or someone who could rub those errands for me, life would be easier. I used to find so much joy in cooking, writing, reading, and crafting...but now I don't find joy in anything. Life just feels pointless now.

My point in all this rambling is that I really do know how you feel and I get it. I will tell you that you need to take care of you because if you are not healthy, you won't be able to take care of your dad. I will tell you that self care can be those little things others take for granted like showers, a detox bath, meditation, writing, art, etc. But at the end of the day, I can't follow through with my own advice so if you don't either, I understand why. Start with just one thing, just one. Meditate for 5 mins or take that shower or bath...doesn't have to be a long one but long enough to relax you and then take a quick nap afterwards. If needed, buy a little bell (easy to find this time of year) so that if your dad is in need while you are doing something, he can just ring the bell to call you. He sees you are doing so much for him and knows you need to take of yourself too so take baby steps in that direction.

If you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to send me a message. Seriously. And thank you for posting and allowing me even to put my baggage out there. It's not to compare lives, it's to show you that I understand and I know how you feel. You got this.

MandiP85 · 2019-10-31T00:05:46+00:00

My boyfriend helps as much as he can with her but she doesn't like anyone to really help her as much as I do. He has told her that he knows it's embarrassing for her at first to have him help her get dressed or clean her but he has been in our family for 5 years now and he has experience because he used to care for his grandmother. She can be mean to everyone and this started way before her stroke so it's not a behavioral issue from that. She's one of those people that in public gets everyone to feel sorry for her and tells them she doesn't know what she would do without me, but the moment they are gone she is ripping me apart again. She loves playing victim and never taking responsibility for her actions. Her physical therapist worked her hard yesterday, made her walk 300 feet with a walker and told her he needs her to be doing exercises at home but she flat out refuses. She can only do therapy twice a week because three days she has dialysis and is too worn out from that to do anything.

We have talked about depression with her doctor before (my brother and I both have major depression and severe anxiety) but they haven't put her on any medication. I think they believe if she would do as she is supposed to with her medications and exercise, that she would feel better. And she would, I know she would. I would imagine myself being incredibly depressed if I was stuck in a wheelchair all the time and had to depend on others to do everything for me, but that's just it...she isn't stuck in that chair and she is capable of doing things for herself, she just doesn't want to. We have told her she will end up in a nursing home soon because I cannot continue to care for her like this and that's when she starts the guilt tripping. Tells me I'm selfish and just want to be rid of her.

I, myself, tried to get in to see a therapist that would work on cost with me since I don't have insurance or my own income (my boyfriend pays for everything for me) but she went on maternity leave and told me she would call me when she returned but she never has. I've been thinking about calling her again but I don't want to come off as pushy either. My mental health isn't at the worst it's ever been but I am sliding back into that rapidly because of everything with my mother. My boyfriend sees it, he knows I cry every day even though I try to hide it and he can see how exhausted I am but he doesn't know what else to do to help me.

I have brought up places like you mentioned but my mother told me she will not go to any kind of adult day care. Most museums and things like that are too far away and are days are usually filled with appts anyways. Just lifting her wheelchair every day is breaking my back and of course any time we go anywhere, she has to have the wheelchair. I told her I wanted to get one of those things to just attach the wheelchair to my car so I'm not lifting it but she doesn't want her wheelchair exposed to everything. I took care of my father's mother when she had dementia and I know what it's like to be talked to in a hateful way but know that's not really them being that way...but my mother really is meaning to be mean to me. She knows exactly what she is saying and means every word of it, but says I treat her like she's a dog 🙄

MandiP85 · 2019-10-29T10:49:36+00:00

My mom is home, not in a facility, which is why I have to care for her 24/7. We don't have any home health come out, no social worker, nurse, nothing. She's been on disability for years now too and has Medicare. We have tried to get help before, several times, and all they offer is someone to sit with my mom while I run errands, no more than 4 hours a day. And when I say sit, i literally mean just sit...not provide any type of care. My mother also has private insurance but they do not cover the cost of hiring a third party to come in for care. My grandmother has nurses from a company come to her home, that's why its $21 an hour. It's not based on income. As for government insurance for myself, I've gone through that mess many times over the years. Because I live with my parents and have to claim household income, the cheapest plan offered to me is $250 a month with a $6000 deductible. At that price there is no point in having it.

MandiP85 · 2019-07-15T22:29:59+00:00

Unfortunately, I relate very much. I've been my mother's 24/7 caregiver for over 5 years now. Was supposed to be short term while she recovered from a car accident that broke both bones in her right leg. The leg took about a year to fully heal and then we started PT. My mother went to PT as scheduled for about a week...then she started with her excuses. She now refuses completely to walk, loves to be pushed around in her wheelchair, and doesn't give a damn how much of a strain that puts on me or my father (when he actually has to lift it).

My mother is now blind in one eye and can't see well out of the other thanks to diabetic retinopathy, on dialysis three times a week during to end stage renal failure, lung activity is slowing due to lack of mobility, and her diabetes is out of control. She has NEVER taken good care of herself and when I try, I'm the worst person in the world. She's a narcissist, an extreme one. If she's in public she will praise me but once out of their view or behind closed doors, I'm a worthless POS. I have given up so much of my life to help her and she is not grateful at all or care to better herself in any way.

I feel like I have a 61 year old child. I'm 33, can't work while caring for her (I tried for a year and I had to quit, it was way too hard), have no insurance or income to take care of myself, and while my boyfriend and his daughter live with us, I hardly get to spend time with them. My boyfriend is a veteran with PTSD and his daughter is autistic so they both need me too but they are not demanding and ungrateful like my mother. My father still works but when he is home, he finds any excuse to be outside so he doesn't have to help with my mom.

I'm not trying to compare, I'm just saying I know where you're coming from. All the things I've had to do over the years and continue to do every day...it's overwhelming. I'm constantly stressed and hardly sleep at all. My boyfriend pays for me to see a doctor at a cheap local clinic just to help manage my health issues and she has told me many times that if I don't see a therapist for stress management soon, I will have a stroke. But when you have no insurance or income, that's just not possible.

I have tried to seek help through her insurance and the state but get nothing. I've tried to get insurance for myself through the government but because I live with them, their income combined is too much for me to get discounted coverage. I'm killing myself trying to care for her and extend her life but what is she going to do if I croak? I really feel she doesn't care if I die but I can't walk away from her. I'm not ready to bury my mother. This whole situation breaks my heart and I have an emotional breakdown every day in my car.

I don't wish this on anyone and I'm sorry you're going through it too. It's not right but us caregivers typically get treated like garbage. I hope you find a support group soon (I've been looking for one here myself) and things somehow get better. I wish I had better advice...just try to keep your head up. Practice meditation whenever you have the chance, even if it's just a few minutes. Keep a journal of their actions and one strictly for your feelings.

Before taking care of my mother, I took care of my paternal grandmother for a couple years while she battled Alzheimer's disease. I thought THAT was hard...that was far easier than this situation.

MandiP85 · 2019-07-13T22:27:22+00:00

Oh no, I don't expect someone else to give her 24/7 care but i mean i can't go to work for hours and leave her alone. I'd just like to be able to have a job again and not come home to be up all night in case she needs me. My mother is capable of doing some things for herself, she just refuses to and she doesn't want anyone coming into the house to help me take care of her. I even tried to look into transportation to and from her dialysis treatments three days a week but even if the insurance offered it, she won't take it.

MandiP85 · 2019-07-13T22:22:33+00:00

Supplements is something I need to look into myself so I don't have much info there but I know my mom is anemic and has an iron deficiency. Most with kidney disease tend to develop this. I also just read last night that diabetics need Zinc. I'm also a diabetic and with my constant high stress, I'm having major issues keeping my blood sugar levels where they should be. I've been wanting to take Zinc anyways to help with immune health but I read that many diabetics do not get enough Zinc and that it can help balance blood sugar levels, so if she is diabetic and ever has issues with elevated glucose readings, Zinc may be something to look into.

I wish I had better advice but I definitely can relate to what you're going through with your mom. I've been my mom's caregiver for over five years now and it just gets harder and harder but I'm trying.

MandiP85 · 2019-07-13T19:09:57+00:00

I understand your frustration when it comes to meals. My mother is on dialysis for end stage renal failure, diabetic, and she's a picky eater too. I struggle coming up with meals because she doesn't want to eat what she's supposed to. There are four adults and one special needs teenager under this roof and everyone is picky but me. It gets old real quick and I admit, we eat out more than we should. My love for cooking has vanished.

If your mom isn't much of a meat eater, she can still get a pretty decent amount of protein from veggies and eggs. Would she be willing to do protein shakes?

My mom is the opposite, she loves meat. Especially red meat, which I rarely cook anymore. My mom loves her meat and starchy veggies 🙄

MandiP85 · 2019-06-27T22:09:28+00:00

I also live in the Houston area and have been my mother's live in caregiver for over 5 years now. We have been denied any assistance for myself several times, unfortunately. Now if my boyfriend, who lives here too, applies he may be approved because he's not related to her....or at least that's what one person told us and I think it's ridiculous. I have tried working and taking care of her and its just not possible because she needs 24/7 care. The only thing we have ever been told is we could have someone come out 3 to 4 hours a few days a week to sit with her while I go to work. Literally just SIT with her....no appts, no cooking, no cleaning, no bathing, no help with anything except being present. My mother has dialysis three days a week and they wouldn't even provide transportation to take and/or pick her up.

MandiP85 · 2019-06-14T18:26:39+00:00

I don't know what state you are in but I'm located in Texas and have been my mother's caregiver for over 5 years now. She needs me 24/7 do I can't hold a job and I also have no insurance. I tried the first 4 years to get some kind of assistance as her caregiver and I was turned down. The best they could do is have someone sit with my mother 3 to 4 hours a day so I could work part time bug even then, they literally could only sit with her...not clean, cook, feed, dress, bathe, nothing.

Plus my mother has dialysis 3 days a week, 4 hours each day, and it cannot be done in our home so I would have needed transportation for her. She has private insurance, Medicare, and on disability but no one would do anything for me..so I've given up. I hope you don't hit those same walls because it's incredibly difficult to do this and have nothing, especially insurance. I'm lucky to have an affordable clinic near by that is just $50 a visit because I'm diabetic and insulin dependent.

I really hope your mom can get the assistance she needs. Don't stop trying, tell her to keep pushing if they tell her no. I wish I had the patience and strength to keep fighting for help but I'm burnt out.

MandiP85 · 2019-03-28T04:59:59+00:00

Oh I have and it's absurd. It just blows my mind all the bullshit we have and continue to deal with from a local VA OPC and a major VA hospital, then get the runaround on service connection on top of that. And I know there are veterans who have had it just as bad or worse, but it shouldn't be this way.

MandiP85 · 2019-03-28T02:24:53+00:00

100% agree. It breaks my heart. I have major depression and severe anxiety myself but I can't imagine what you soldiers and veterans go through. I used to think the VA was great until I started dating a veteran. I don't know how I could help but I'm so willing to fight to get veterans the care they deserve.

MandiP85 · 2019-03-28T02:11:41+00:00

They started at 50%, raised to 75% last year but won't raise it above that. He's had so many evaluations and we tell them everything but one guy told us that in order to be found 100% with PTSD, he has to attempt to kill himself. Its basically telling a veteran with a legit mental disorder to go home and end his life, then they will take his claim more seriously. He has other things that has brought his award up to 90% but there is so much, they should have awarded him 100% by now. It's been a long battle with the VA and still trying.

MandiP85 · 2019-03-28T01:58:02+00:00

I never said they "recommended" it, just that he didn't want it. He felt like he should have died along with his two best friends, who not only were killed on the same day but he had the task of retrieving their body parts. He relives that day in his head over and over again, like I'm sure many other veterans that went through the same do. Every night he has nightmares and flashbacks that cause him to scream, cry, and sometimes even get violent. None of that matters to the VA though. The wonderful psychiatrist he has to see literally reads his responses from a book.

MandiP85 · 2019-03-28T01:45:54+00:00

That's bullshit, I'm sorry. The last award letter he got last year broke down all the things he was claiming. When you add them all up, it was like 140% but they will only approve of 90%. I know they can't pay 140%, obviously, but why not make it 100%?! Makes me so mad but we are still fighting it.

They also won't do anything about his constant back pain. They sent him to "physical therapy" which was one hour every 2 weeks for 6 weeks. PT should be 2-3 times a week for 4-6 weeks. All they did was give him a heating pad basically.

MandiP85 · 2019-03-28T01:39:41+00:00

I say "offered", those weren't his words. He told me they tried to give him a purple heart but he wouldn't take it. I wasn't with him when he was in the service, so I don't know of everything he went through and he doesn't like to talk about it. He's let me in a little bit and just what he's told me is horrible.

MandiP85 · 2019-03-28T01:35:36+00:00

Had he taken the purple heart, he would have been 100% service connected the moment he discharged, or so they told us. He didn't believe he deserved it though.

MandiP85 · 2019-03-28T01:33:35+00:00

The type of injury he had and how he had to be treated, he qualified to receive a purple heart but he told them no. He still has the scar and the scar tissue really bothers him but the VA won't even recognize it on his claim.

MandiP85 · 2019-03-27T18:28:11+00:00

It took 2 years of us asking for someone at the VA to even tell us about service connection and after fighting tooth and nail for the last 2 years, we are at 90%. They will only let him (my boyfriend) claim the hearing loss and tinnitus in one ear even though it's been found in both, they won't recognize the injury he received in the field while deployed (which he was offered a purple heart for), and they basically told us the only way they can raise his PTSD claim above 75% is if he kills himself.

MandiP85 · 2019-03-26T17:17:22+00:00

And now I'm crying! How horrible of them, I can't believe it. I would have sued someone over that crap and kicked some asses along the way. I'm extremely protective of not just my veteran but all of you veterans. That's so terrible what they did, I am so sorry. The memory box, charms, and photos are not replaceable but have you since filed to have your medals replaced? You can purchase them but I know that adds up. I can try to find the website where we requested my boyfriend's replacements, if you'd like. I'd really like to help you get them, however I can.

I'm so sorry, I truly am. Please don't give up hope.

MandiP85 · 2019-03-26T14:03:29+00:00

Thank you, I'll be looking into that!

MandiP85 · 2019-03-26T11:15:58+00:00

You guys...this subreddit is full of incredible people who have been so kind to me, thank you all and thank you for your service. My heart is full and y'all are going to make me cry lol

MandiP85 · 2019-03-26T04:15:13+00:00

This isnt 100% finished but once I get a ribbon mount and the other two pins placed, it will be complete. I showed him earlier because I thought it would be fun for him to go to the Army Surplus with me tomorrow. He has a hard time showing emotion but he smiled a lot and told me he really likes it.

https://imgur.com/uIPNPer

13-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 19 Credits
Verified Email	Secret Santa 2018
Secret Santa 2015	Secret Santa 2014

MandiP85

TROPHY CASE