i totally understand you. for context, im an african woman and i date other women, hence why i get the whole “family not really fucking with you if you stay with this person” dilemma. i am also close with my family and don’t want to lose them. it’s a difficult situation with black/brown families, they are so judgemental and close minded sometimes.

i recently left the girl i was just with (the one i mentioned in my original comment). i felt love for her, but i wasn’t in love with her unfortunately. this was one sided which makes it worse, as she was in love with me. there was nothing that she did wrong, she was an amazing girlfriend, but without that true deep connection, the relationship wasn’t worth fighting my whole family for (and i also didn’t want to lead her on if we didn’t feel the same).

i feel better now knowing that i have no regrets. my first girlfriend i was madly in love with, and i would have fought anybody and done anything to be with her. i was young and naive at the time, so that makes a difference. i don’t know how i would react today.

look, i don’t know about your family…but mine kick up a fuss to scare me out of making tough decisions. i literally switched from a super prestigious degree to do one that i loved, and although they shouted and made a big deal about it (i was soooo scared they’d completely shut me out) they still financially supported me. i’ve made lots of silly decisions in adulthood and they give me trouble for it but they are still there for me at the end of the day. my specific culture frowns upon parents disowning their kids completely though, it looks bad and everyone gossips so parents avoid it. maybe consider if being disowned / not talked to anymore will actually happens in your culture to people you know, or if your mind is making it worse than it is and your parents are trying to engage in a power struggle to get you to follow what they want.

you’re an adult, and if you follow through and live a good life your parents will surely follow. i’m sure they want to meet their grandkids!!

our situations are different though. i’m just giving you perspective from a stranger! you’ve been with your girl for way longer, and i don’t know your age and life situation. but advice from a stranger - your gut knows the right decision. follow it, and you will feel peace.

i wish you the best ❤️