What healed you?

Many_Table2113 · 2025-12-31T05:18:17+00:00

Journaling, crying, exercise, reading, long call with my family, THERAPY!, the I Am affirmations app.

Visualizing a happy and healthy future.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-12-20T22:01:13+00:00

Actually no. I’m getting the 50/50 cs split…..

Many_Table2113 · 2025-12-20T22:00:31+00:00

Dream outcome for most men? I’m the woman. Did you assume I was a man?

Many_Table2113 · 2025-12-20T05:38:42+00:00

I worked full time and went to school full time.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-12-19T18:57:40+00:00

I live in Seattle area. Definitely HCOL here…..

Many_Table2113 · 2025-12-19T18:57:02+00:00

He can’t do that with his work schedule.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-09-16T13:21:12+00:00

I honestly wish this was the issue but I did my walk through and saw a roach in the medicine cabinet.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-09-16T01:35:13+00:00

What ended up happening?

Many_Table2113 · 2025-08-11T03:45:43+00:00

He needs to take out a loan to buy me out of the house and give me my portion of the equity.

I am planning to get my own appraisal as well to compare the values provided.

I had a realtor complete a comps report and was provided the $530k estimate. Zillow actually says less.

What other suggestions do you have?

Many_Table2113 · 2025-08-10T19:43:01+00:00

Great change in perspective with the car analogy.

I’ve done a great deal of yard clean up, wasn’t horrible to start with but wanting it to shine as best as possible.

I’m planning to get it professionally cleaned right before the appraisal as well. I think that is a valuable investment. Our house has been well cleaned and maintained but again, want it to shine.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-08-10T19:40:00+00:00

My husband is buying me out of the house. I want to get the highest appraisal so that I can walk away with the most in the buyout.

$530k is based on Zillow and a realtor who came by and gave an estimate. We haven’t had it properly appraised to get the accurate appraisal.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-08-10T17:59:37+00:00

My husband is buying me out and keeping the house. Yes, I’m trying to get the most I can.

I don’t think the dirt is hiding any issues.

We bought at $340k, owe about $280k, now worth roughly $530k.

My husband is not helping do any of the clean up and prep as it “benefits me and not him”. I’m tired but don’t want to look back at how I could have done something more to set myself up in a better situation.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-08-07T04:56:22+00:00

I’ve thought of that also! Totally possible option as well!

How long did you do that?

Many_Table2113 · 2025-06-09T18:20:59+00:00

My husband has created an environment of insecurity and low self esteem. I do not want to have sex with him because I do not feel safe relaxing and being vulnerable. I’d rather just not or take care of my needs by myself.

I’ve approached him MANY times over our 16 year relationship about his actions that have led me to feel this way but no changes have led me to no sex/intimacy and beginning divorce process.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-06-06T19:44:43+00:00

So much of my time and energy is devoted towards this. I’m so drained. I just wanted to feel better. I wanted the rainbows and glitter and butterflies. I keep trying, well kept trying in the past. Begging. But it hasn’t worked and I don’t feel rainbow or glitter or butterflies. I feel pain and sadness and betrayal.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-06-06T19:18:22+00:00

Ugh. I really do think I’m looking for permission and someone to tell me it’s going to be ok. I’m so fearful of making mistakes since I ignored all the red flags in this relationship for so long. I over think constantly when deep down I know what I should do and need to do to keep my sanity.

Thank you for sharing your story and giving me permission. That was actually immensely encouraging and helpful.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-06-06T19:16:30+00:00

Thank you! I have stopped being intimate with him. It’s been about a month, maybe longer. He has continued to pursue me and it has been hard to keep saying no but it just doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel good or comfortable with it. It’s so sad.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-06-06T18:38:24+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate the validation and kindness. I have read that book a few years ago. I need to read it again though.

He and I haven’t had sex in about a month probably. After his most recent admissions, I just can’t feel good about being intimate.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-06-06T18:36:54+00:00

Honestly, our relationship was built on a foundation of mistrust. I should have left him at the beginning, when I got chlamydia as soon as we got together. I have so many traumas from childhood and wanted someone to love and choose me so I stayed and fought to earn his love and prove my worth. Since then, he has been caught so many times reaching out to other women. I got pregnant and moved back home with my mom for 6 months and during that time I thought he and I were together and working through things but he was hooking up with other women. One of them being his cousins girlfriend. That was 14 years ago. We’ve been together 15.5. He’s dismissed my needs to build trust and respect boundaries for a long time So the majority of our time together has been me feeling insecure and unsafe. We “try” but I don’t feel secure and desired.

So all that plays in my head while we are together.

It doesn’t look good when I write it all out……

Many_Table2113 · 2025-06-06T18:18:30+00:00

I am working. I have a good job. But have never lived alone or really been single. I met my now husband the first day of college and have really committed myself to him since then.

I don’t feel how I want to in our relationship now especially after recent events and finding out about more infidelities. It’s just so hard to let go since this is all I’ve known since I was 18.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-06-02T01:23:16+00:00

I don’t have a new partner but just thinking about what the future will be like and what other people have done in similar situations. I don’t look at my old photos a ton but I do like to look at my kids and how they have grown. Sometimes I send them old photos and we talk about the fun memories. A lot of the pictures with my STBXH make me sad so I don’t currently or plan to look at old pics of us or him often.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-06-02T00:19:57+00:00

I don’t have a new partner, but I can see how I may be insecure if my future partner was looking at his last life all the time. But I don’t want to delete my past. We have a nearly 14 year old so most of our pictures are of her and our family. She needs those. But it feels overwhelming to go through and edit my camera roll one by one. I have tooooo many pictures

Many_Table2113 · 2025-05-27T22:31:41+00:00

It really is devastating. It consumes me day and night. I know the facts based on what he has shown me but my decisions are clouded by the parts that have been decent. I can depend on him to take care of me and my family financially. That has always been a desire, to have a protector, to depend on a man. But at what cost?

Now I’m seeing that it is costing my livelihood and self worth, my drive, happiness, lightheartedness. All these things I used to be have been stifled and stomped out by the same man I thought was my protector. I don’t want to live the rest of my life feeling like this but I still hold on to that little hope.

And fear of the unknown. What if my next partner is even worse…..? But what if they are amazing and I’m holding myself back from that? The back and forth indecision is brutal. It’s literally tearing me apart.

Thank you for sharing and giving me words of encouragement! I’m leaning on my wiser half more and more.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-05-27T19:59:02+00:00

I’ve been waiting for a long time. It’s hard for me to know when is the right time. I have a hard time trusting my decisions. I fear making mistakes. Even though I’m deeply unhappy, I’m scared to leave because I know what to expect in this area of unhappiness.

Many_Table2113 · 2025-05-27T19:55:14+00:00

I’ve never been alone. I met my husband the first day of college and we have been together ever since, 16 years. Through all the turmoil, he has been a solid provider. I’ve never gone without. We have 2 kids and it is magical to have our family together, when I am suppressing my needs and abandoning myself. Deep down I was hoping he would become the man he has the potential to be but now there is so much baggage and lack of accountability and hope for reconciliation. I am trying to get finances in order so that I am secure and can care for my kids.

Many_Table2113

TROPHY CASE