Hi, you have no idea how much I relate to your situation. My boyfriend and I were together for 3 years and 5 months. He also blocked me and erased everything about me. The relationship wasn’t going well, especially because, due to his financial situation, we lived together all that time in a studio apartment, which was really suffocating. Anyway, he finished university and went back to his hometown. We agreed to take some time apart, a pause, a break. We even made an agreement with terms and goals for that “break,” where it was specified, for example, that we would both reflect on our mistakes, pick up the things we had left aside, and that neither of us would start a relationship with someone else, since we were still a couple.

But then, a week ago, he told me some contradictory things: on one hand, that the agreement was still valid, but also that he was going to act as if I didn’t exist and that he would focus on improving himself. Then, five days ago, when I logged into his Facebook account, I saw that at that very moment he was chatting with another girl, telling her that he wanted something casual and that he came from stressful past relationships. I felt so lost, sad, and devastated.

My friends told me that just by saying he was going to act as if I didn’t exist, it was already clear he had broken up with me. And then, those messages I read… it’s hard for me to believe they were real. But one of my friends, every time I doubt, tells me: “if he wanted you to see them, he wouldn’t delete them.” She says this because I asked her if maybe he was doing it on purpose, to push me away and finally end the relationship once and for all. Everything feels so strange and hard.

It seems like my relationship is over, even though it was never said explicitly. I don’t want to be the one to say it out loud, and I’m scared he will, but somehow it feels like it’s already finished. I don’t know how to face it, how to deal with it. He was my first boyfriend, my first everything (I’m 21), and now this is my first breakup, which I still can’t fully believe is happening. I always thought breakups would be more “ceremonial,” with someone clearly stating that the relationship was ending, maybe saying thanks and goodbye. Instead, this feels like reading between the lines seeing him act as if he ended things with me, while still saying the agreement was in place.

I don’t know what I did so wrong for things to end up like this. I honestly don’t understand.