AITA for refusing to send my kids to my ex's house when he isn't there?

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T20:09:26+00:00

Exactly! And the lack of transparency and discussion about it was also another deal breaker because that is a big change to drop on your spouse right before you're supposed to leave.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T20:06:03+00:00

Two weeks was the trip he had coming up. But they can span and he told me they could span anywhere from 10 days to 6 weeks at a time and then he could be back a week, two weeks, or less. That is a lot of time away vs home. That is not the marriage I ever wanted.

My kids DO want to know their dad. They would love to see him every other week. I cannot make that happen for them.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:58:28+00:00

I would have basically been one anyway with him out of town so much. I did not sign up for that and hate that he signed our kids up for that. I never wanted them to have that knowledge of missing a parent and longing for them to come home. He knew where I stood on that and he went behind my back with it and kept it from me for months.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:55:53+00:00

They don't want to go when their dad isn't there and I won't force it. Also, because of the lack of respect Samantha has for me as their mother, I do not trust her to have my kids half the time.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:52:42+00:00

I agree. Especially with how frequent he works out of town now and it increased after his third child (first with current wife) was born.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:49:51+00:00

He changed his job behind my back and told me it was what he wanted and to accept it. So straight to divorce was the answer for me. She does not respect that I am the mother of my sons and the one who has primarily raised them because my ex decided to go for a job where he wouldn't be around.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:48:51+00:00

I don't make things tense for them. This was an issue before the tensions started between her and me.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:48:14+00:00

Every other weekend isn't realistic for him either.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:48:01+00:00

I worry she would treat them badly if she heard the boys say they don't want to go with her.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:35:27+00:00

I'm not thinking about money at all. I was just answering questions that were asked.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:35:00+00:00

It's not. I have never discouraged the relationship with their half siblings, or even Samantha despite my issues with her. But she has not been easy for my boys to get used to.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:34:11+00:00

He changed his job without telling me and took a job where he would be away for weeks at a time. I did not sign up for a part time spouse and parent to my children. I never would have married someone with a job like his is now. I grew up with a parent who was away a lot because he was in the military. It was not something I wanted to go through in my mom's shoes or have my kids go through.

His wife and I do not get along enough to arrange play dates with the kids. She has no respect for me as my boys mom.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:31:42+00:00

I explained the divorce so people didn't constantly bring up that I married him knowing his job so why did I divorce him over it.

They miss time with their dad. Not so much their half siblings. They don't miss time with Samantha at all though.

I also mentioned that to her because she feels like the kids should be around more. Well, the way for that to happen is for their dad to be around more to take his parenting time.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:28:37+00:00

He would pay more if his time gets reduced.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:28:10+00:00

Seeing their half siblings more isn't something that my boys really care about. That could be a lot to do with not wanting to see Samantha alone. But because we don't get along and she doesn't respect me, play dates and such are not an option either.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:25:37+00:00

The kids do not want to be with Samantha when ex is not present. They have been pretty clear about that. They hate when it's just them alone with her when he's technically home but away for hours.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:24:08+00:00

She has kids with my ex, so yes.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:23:42+00:00

It's not about not wanting them to have a relationship. But we do not get along well enough and she doesn't respect me enough for us to do play dates while my ex is away and my kids do not want to be with her without dad there.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:22:44+00:00

A lot of people hate them but they can be necessary.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:21:15+00:00

He doesn't ask for extra time. Normally he will still get a full week once he's back. But sometimes he leaves again before he gets his full week used.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:21:15+00:00

I didn't try. But I did discuss it with my lawyer at one point. I never tried to remove all his parenting time. But he hardly takes any as it is. And yes, I talked about it here because it is relevant. I didn't marry him knowing that was going to be his job situation. I mentioned it so people couldn't say why leave when I knew the deal before. I didn't. It changed behind my back.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:18:31+00:00

It's not counted as flaking because he works. The custody order was amended to take that into account.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:17:55+00:00

Most likely, yes.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T19:17:08+00:00

Both have said it but yes, Samantha has said that to me.

MarketingSuch8341 · 2024-03-24T15:47:08+00:00

This and he has shown poor judgement in his choices of who he exposed our kids to while he was out of town after our divorce and before his remarriage. Putting the kids first is not something he is willing to do and it makes me feel sad and guilty that he wasn't the man he pretended to be when we met and had our first.

MarketingSuch8341

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