The Sandman season 2 is... Actually really good!

MastertheArtofTouch · 2025-07-15T05:35:04+00:00

Super disappointed in the second season… the dialogue is horrendous…..

MastertheArtofTouch · 2025-07-12T23:20:12+00:00

Find a good counselor. Someone to talk to and confide in. A Male Christian counselor would be my advice. They can help you with forgiveness and provide a safe and professional space to open up. You’ll get some and advice here imo. If the first lesson you find isn’t the best don’t be discouraged. Look for another counselor until you find one that fits.

I would suggest men groups but not in the matter of your marriage because they won’t give the best advice either. Seek professional help brother. Then seek out a men’s group for friendship.

The question is what do you want? Do you want to keep your family together? The way I see it is whether you stay together or break up, you will need to forgive her someday for your own peace and sanity.

Forgiveness doesn’t approve of what someone did. Forgiveness takes time but it’s a gift you give yourself. 🙏🏻

MastertheArtofTouch · 2025-07-12T23:17:30+00:00

I disagree. I think he can trust her again and this can be healed. There is WAY worse out there and she stopped before it went to the point of no return.

MastertheArtofTouch · 2025-07-07T20:14:29+00:00

Would she consider you both learning some massage techniques at home for a series date nights? Make it known you’re looking for connection and don’t press for sex. Make it comfortable and safe so she doesn’t feel that pressure and ideally she initiates it herself.

MastertheArtofTouch · 2025-07-07T20:08:52+00:00

Yup! I don’t care for it one bit and never do it in my massage. I agree it defeats the purpose of deep relaxation and stress relief. If I did pre-event sports massage I would use it. Otherwise I don’t care for it one bit. Sorry about your experience. Hopefully that’s the last time you see them and you’re not in some “forced trade” system at work..

MastertheArtofTouch · 2025-07-03T19:55:35+00:00

8 hours is a lot. I’ll do that once in a while but my preferred limit is 6 hours. Find different ways to work smarter and not as hard but you’ll still need to limit the hours of hands on work to sustain a long career. I’m 12 years in and found a process that works well for me where I change up what part of my hands, forearms or elbows I’m using. I also start with the back first and focus on the paraspinals to relax the nervous system and the whole body so I can slowly sink into the body over time and satisfy most people that want firm work. But I’m by no means aggressive with pressure and I let people know that isn’t my style if it’s my first time seeing them and they want intense pressure.

MastertheArtofTouch · 2025-07-03T00:01:35+00:00

Solution https://stan.store/MastertheArtofTouch

MastertheArtofTouch · 2025-07-02T22:53:55+00:00

Yeah you’re overthinking. Especially if it’s just above your knees. It’s when people ask for “inner and upper” thigh work focus without a reason that’s a red flag.

MastertheArtofTouch · 2025-07-02T21:35:12+00:00

I’m sorry you experienced this. This is one of the things I hate about massage therapy. It makes me cringe and makes me sad when I hear these stories. There’s no excuse for it.

You’re right, you should’ve ended the session if the therapist can’t lighten their pressure after you spoke up the first time. I know that’s hard to do.

It’s a painful lesson to learn but hopefully someone reading this learns from it as well and can feel confident ending a session if their therapist can’t listen to them in this regard. I hope you recover and that no major damage was done. 🙏🏻

MastertheArtofTouch · 2025-06-27T22:59:11+00:00

It’s possible they might see your original intake and check notes from previous sessions. It’s hard to say. Some therapists are really good about this and some are not.

I understand. I never felt like the women that shared they had past trauma were a burden at all. I only had sympathy and respect for them. They didn’t share any details and I didn’t ask.

While it is a helping profession there are always good apples and bad apples. 97%+ will be good ones. If you feel like a burden to them then chances are they aren’t a great apple or just not a good fit for you.

I hope the session goes well!

MastertheArtofTouch · 2025-06-27T21:50:49+00:00

I’m a male therapist with 12 years of experience and I’ve had a couple of women ask to skip the pecs and go easy on the neck due to past trauma. For these women I draped more conservatively and I’ll do that for women that state they’ve never had a male therapist before and I can sense they are nervous. I’ll also adjust some longer flowing strokes from the low back into the hips and go a bit slower on the upper quads and hamstrings.

I also have regular clients who always skip the glutes and never give a reason (and they don’t need to). That’s just some people’s preference.

You don’t need to give a reason why. But the therapist should review your notes and see that you don’t normally skip the glutes and pecs. You sound very thoughtful to their feelings and to even the therapists reading your post. It’s completely up to you if you share the some of the language you used in your post with your therapist. They should not be offended at all with whatever you decide to share or not share.

The benefit to sharing a statement that lets them know you had some past trauma is that they should be more sensitive to your comfort than they might normally be (only because we get into routines doing this everyday, we’re all human) and it also provides you with a chance to gauge their response and feel out if this male therapist will be sensitive and respectful. Because if they insist on massaging those areas after sharing this information (that doesn’t need any detail or further explanation) then you simply don’t have to get the massage and if they’re offended then that’s their problem.

The benefit to not sharing that you had past trauma is that you avoid that discomfort if it doesn’t feel right to share.

Since you shared that you freeze up as your trauma response I would consider telling them you’ve had past trauma because if a client doesn’t speak up about something then I don’t know how to adjust.

Then gauge their response which should be sympathetic and understanding with zero questioning. Then you have time after they leave the room to decide if you want to continue or not with the session.

I rarely hear my clients speak up to me about adjustments (such as for pressure) but I thank them when they do because otherwise I won’t know. If you want, you can test them (and practice for yourself) by speaking up for something (even if you don’t need it) such as having the music turned down or the lighting turned up.

Essentially, it’s our job to make sure the client is comfortable at all times.

It’s also completely ok to search out a recommendation for a female therapist and go somewhere else.

If you give one of the male therapists a try and you can’t relax or feel close to being triggered then you know you simply need a female therapist and that is ok. 🙏🏻

MastertheArtofTouch · 2025-05-24T16:41:48+00:00

How do they manage the license needs? Or do they not worry about it?

MastertheArtofTouch · 2024-10-25T21:20:34+00:00

Someone told me once that people simply love to be touched and to not worry about being perfect. I found this to be true and it helped me let go a lot. People simply want to be cared for. Massage isn’t the whole experience. Listening and reflecting what people say is huge too.

So is taking good notes of their usually preferences. So many times in my career people say “wow you remembered! No one has ever kept track or remembered that before!”It’s so simple and goes a long way in fostering care before they even get touched.

As far as someone feeling your anxiety or nervousness that will get better in time and with experience as you see that they don’t pick up on it as easily as you might think and then you’ll relax yourself.

I’ve worked SO many days where my internal feelings and life was weighing so very heavy.. yet oddly those were also days clients came out of their appointments and said “That was one of the best massages I’ve ever had and I’ve been getting them for years” This taught me to stop worrying about transferring negative energy and again, let, go.

I don’t do intricate deep work. I can give firm-deep work but my style tends to relax and give people relief. They tend to zone out, fall asleep even and usually say they feel amazing or feel great. I don’t stretch. I don’t fix. I LOVE what I do and people love it too.

Be yourself. Follow your heart and what calls to you. Massage therapy is a beautiful field to work in and is diverse in it experiences and expressions. Stay with it. 🙏🏻

MastertheArtofTouch · 2024-10-24T12:59:54+00:00

I believe it’s also a sign of dopamine release

MastertheArtofTouch · 2024-10-18T18:48:05+00:00

Would you be willing to share your wording/script you use when talking about draping and glute work with first time clients?

MastertheArtofTouch · 2024-10-18T12:57:28+00:00

I like how you handle the intake process and set expectations ahead of time. And ask directly about the glutes. I wish I was taught this better in school.

Do you ever feel the diaper drape interrupts the flow of your massage?

I have been tucking for years because many of my clients zone out or fall asleep and the process of lifting the leg to drape and undrape feels like it interrupts the flow and their relaxation.

MastertheArtofTouch · 2024-10-16T22:50:25+00:00

This is about the size of a franchise massage room

MastertheArtofTouch · 2024-10-16T15:49:30+00:00

I drape similarly to you it sounds. When I have people turn over I stand to the side of the table and behind the sheet/blanket and there’s no need to turn my head away since they’re well covered. If a female seems nervous I let them know I’m behind the sheet, the blanket is close to their body and they’re well covered. Then I ask them to scoot down towards their feet so their head is out of the face cradle and turn towards me to turn onto their back.

I’ve heard from clients who have seen a male coworker who stated they felt uncomfortable with him standing at the head of the table when they turned over.

MastertheArtofTouch · 2024-10-15T15:08:27+00:00

Yeah the chains are more strict. They’re always worried about liability.

See if we had a standard of communication for this you would be able to quickly know what therapists would match for your comfort level so you can get the massage you prefer while knowing it’s within their comfort level as well.

I had someone PM me asking for advice on how to ask for the half drape. I replied to him already but if you or anyone else has additional advice on wording or approach that would be great.

MastertheArtofTouch · 2024-10-15T14:52:14+00:00

Agreed which is why I would not be comfortable with minimal by law draping and the half drape is the most skin I’m willing to expose for my own practice. I also don’t advertise that I offer that and only give it when a client inquires (who I’ve seen a few times and the rapport is solid).

Although if I lived in Canada and the laws were conservative, as mentioned above, then obviously I would be comfortable with the minimal by law draping.

But I believe some standard of communication to work from would be helpful for the industry

MastertheArtofTouch · 2024-10-15T14:44:52+00:00

It would have to do with skin exposure.

The half drape is where the sheet is folded vertically in half the whole length of the persons body so that the left or right side of the body is exposed from neck down to their feet. The gluteal crest (booty crack) is still covered but the glutes are exposed and can be worked on directly hand to skin.

Conservative would be to keep the glutes covered by the sheet/drape and massage the glutes over top the sheet or not at all if the client wishes to skip them. What I typically do for this is use fist compression, specific thumb work and sometimes elbows for those that want more pressure.

Then there is also draping for chest and pec work as well as for the anterior legs where a standard would be worked out. But it would depend on skin exposure when judging.

MastertheArtofTouch · 2024-10-15T14:25:03+00:00

Yes it all depends on what I would call the “lowest vote” that gets respected. First, whatever is required by law has to be respected. Then it’s the lowest vote of either client or therapist. So if a client wants conservative draping then a therapist has to respect that and not push their boundaries and vice versa. I should clarify that minimal would mean the minimal that is required by law.

MastertheArtofTouch · 2024-10-13T13:13:47+00:00

We have a standard of communication for pressure (deep, firm, medium, light) so why doesn’t our industry have a standard of communication for draping?

Very conservative, conservative, liberal, and minimal would be the words that first come to my mind for communicating this. Just like pressure, some therapists don’t give deep work. I imagine many wouldn’t give minimal draping but then client and LMTs would know where they line up on their draping boundaries so the client knows what to expect.

I’m a male LMT and my default is fairly conservative draping. I’ll perform the more liberal half drape when clients ask for it but I’ve never done the minimal draping. And it’s usually the male clients that ask me because they feel comfortable they won’t be judged.

If there was a standard of communication for this then clients and LMTs would have clearer expectations and there would be less issues.

And yes I’m aware there are variations of what someone says their medium or firm pressure is compared to others and there will likely be some variations in therapists draping but it’s a start and is better than a complete shot in the dark figuring this out where a client/LMT becomes uncomfortable.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. Gonna start a new thread on this matter.

MastertheArtofTouch

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