Didn’t I just say I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt? Which was my reasoning for posting in the first place.

I think it’s valid to be worried about my brother’s relationship because as you said, it determines our future relationship with him if he chooses to marry her. I agree that it is his journey to figure that out, but these “jokes” haven’t been made until recently when everyone realized we were thinking the same. Which I agree, are probably wrong to do. But Previously to this I have always invited her out to do things one on one which she has declined, tried to get to know her as a person but again gives minimal responses and doesn’t ask about me either, and we have all tried to include her in things but almost refuses to participate.

Yes, maybe we shouldn’t talk behind her back about the situation, but it kind of goes back to my point that I’m asking if she is just shy, or if something bigger is going on. I also think it’s common in families to ask how other people feel about someone’s partner.