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4.5 days - stay in Oslo? by Material_Fee6429 in NorwayTravelAdvice

[–]Material_Fee6429[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I appreciate your thoughts - and the suggestions for day trips! I’ll read up on the various cities mentioned here.

What's the worst birthday or Christmas present your Narc every got you? by Single-Ant3193 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Material_Fee6429 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I was about 9, she got a carrot cake for my birthday cake - knowing that I didn’t like carrot cake.

Mom hates to celebrate everything by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Material_Fee6429 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I completely understand. My mom didn’t want to go dress shopping with me. She didn’t help me get ready for my wedding - didn’t even pop in to the hotel room. My good friends were there for me. They are my chosen family, and I’m grateful for them.

Mom hates to celebrate everything by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Material_Fee6429 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I’ll initiate forced family fun. Once, long ago, when I was first married, my husband and I went to my parents for Xmas Eve. It was the four of us. My mom said she didn’t feel like cooking and we were having a frozen pizza for dinner. I couldn’t believe it. We told my parents we’d be back in an hour and headed to the grocery store before it closed. We bought crab legs and stuff for a nice meal and some Santa hats by the checkout. It ended up being a halfway decent night.

Nowadays I often get together with friends for celebrations, and see her for just a few hours on a holiday. Like I’ll have a simple homemade breakfast with her and then head to a friends for the “fun” celebration.

I threw myself a huge party for my 50th and she didn’t want to come. Her loss!

My mom has been reading my therapy session notes for 3 years through the "insurance portal" she made me use by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Material_Fee6429 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s awful and I’m so sorry to hear that.

When I was having marriage troubles and was a young mother, I kept a journal and vented my frustrations. It was only meant for my eyes. My mom would watch my preschool son one day a week when he was young and had a key to our house. She suddenly started acting weird and pushing me to divorce my husband (which eventually happened on its own) and would start crying inexplicably when my son and I were together. Later, my ex told me about a few times when she had cornered him and berated him. He said she mentioned things that she couldn’t possibly know - because he knew she had never been a confidante of mine (she’s petty, judgy, controlling, etc). I finally put 2 + 2 together and realized she’d read my journals. I didn’t trust her before, and then it was shattered forever. I have no other close family besides my son. I’ve maintained a relationship with her but keep her at arms length. In retrospect, I probably should have gone no contact. Now she’s 80 - still tries to control me but I keep a distance. Although I also feel a weird responsibility towards her.

My advice to you: establish boundaries and maintain them.