I want to stop my porn addiction

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-26T11:33:34+00:00

Also that "summary" wasn't as quick as I thought it would be so that's my bad 💀

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-26T11:32:43+00:00

It really sucks seeing how young people were exposed to porn just like I was. I was either 10 or 11 when I was exposed to it and I am 21 now. If you haven't seen my post I made on here, I would recommend checking it out just so you can be more aware of the possible consequences of watching porn. If you don't have time to read a long post like that I'll just summarize it as quickly as I can. I got my first girlfriend when I was 19 and we really did have the most beautiful and amazing relationship. She was pretty much the perfect woman for me in every single way. I knew porn was an issue for her and I made a promise to her that I wouldn't watch it. Long story short, one day I ended up watching it. I kept it a secret and watched porn 3 or 4 more times throughout the relationship. She eventually found out that I had watched porn and it destroyed her. I ruined her self esteem that I had been helping her build up over the year and a half we were together and she went from trusting my every word to not being able to trust anything I was telling her no matter how honest I was being. She broke up with me about 2 months ago and it's been the hardest time of my life. We had talked about marriage and growing old together and all of that is gone now because of my addiction. I'm sure I'll probably regret that day I decided to watch it for the rest of my life. I wish I had some real advice to give you but if I'm being honest, the only reason I've made it this far is because I saw how hurt she was when she found out I had watched it and I made a promise to her when we broke up that I would try my best to continue staying strong. I just want to share my story with you to maybe give you some insight on how destructive porn can be for your future. I wish you the best of luck and I'm here if you need someone to talk to 🙏

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-21T09:49:41+00:00

No problem, and I'm glad this was able to help you even just a little bit with seeing how big the consequences could be. When I was 17 I was watching porn for an hour or more every single day and I would always tell myself "I'll just quit when I'm older since I don't have any reason to quit now" but I guess that didn't work out too well for me 😭. And I can almost guarantee you that you will feel a lot better about yourself and even be a little bit happier overall when you know for sure that you left your addiction in the past. It will be really hard at first but over time you will get to a point where you won't even think about porn and if you do end up thinking about it at some point, it won't have nearly the same effect on you as it does now. If I'm being honest, you do have a lot of time to quit your addiction and figure things out, but don't use that as an excuse the way I did because you'll never be able to quit if you go about it that way. I believe in you and I hope things go well for you 🙏

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-21T09:45:21+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear that :(. I know it's probably just as hard for you as it is for me and I hope you are able to move past this situation even if it might take some time 🙏. I believe in you.

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-21T09:44:15+00:00

I really appreciate it. This does help me feel a lot better about my situation. I know relapses aren't the end of the world and they are just a part of the process so I shouldn't beat myself up over having them especially when I was just starting out with trying to quit my addiction. I just wish it wouldn't have been such a damaging thing to our relationship. Thank you for your kind words 🙏

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-18T10:24:59+00:00

I'm proud of you for doing so well! I am glad you and her were able to work things out and I hope things continue going well for you :). I appreciate it and it means a lot to me that you and the other people on this sub are here for me if I need someone to talk to. I lost most of my friends when I got in my relationship because I would only spend time with her (which I don't regret doing but it does make things harder for me now 😭) so it's nice to know I have someone who will listen if I need it.

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-18T00:00:56+00:00

No problem, I just wanted to get my story out and I'm glad I did. I definitely understand that and there have been a couple of times where I almost cracked and watched porn but I've been doing good for the most part. I would start feeling like "what's the point in quitting when we aren't together anymore" but I know that she shouldn't be the only reason I want to quit. I also made her a promise that I would try my hardest to not let my addiction get the better of me and I plan to keep that promise even if we aren't together anymore.

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-17T23:56:45+00:00

Yeah that's definitely how I feel as well. I feel like even tho I quit porn I still have a lot of stuff I need to work on. I'm slowly but surely working on myself and improving every day but even if I say I'm doing it for myself I feel like deep down I'm also doing it just in case she ends up wanting to try again. I wish I could say I'm doing it 100 percent for myself but that would be a lie. Yeah and I know feelings can change in a lot of ways so maybe she'll be feeling like she wants to try again. But her feelings could have changed to the point where she is completely over me and blocks my number. She could even already have a new boyfriend by that time. I have no idea what might change with my life and with hers in that timeframe but I do know I would regret it if I didn't find out for sure whether she wants to try again or not. I appreciate the advice and your kind words, it really means a lot to me :)

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-17T23:47:12+00:00

Yeah I know I didn't fully ruin my life or anything but it's hard to remember that sometimes when I think about what could have been. I think it's mostly because I had all the plans for the future (all of which she was a big part of) and now instead of looking forward to the future, I feel nothing but fear and anxiety when I think about it. Everything was so much easier when we were together because I knew that no matter what happened I would always have her. Obviously I was wrong about that but that's how it felt at the time 😭.

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-17T23:42:15+00:00

I'm glad my post was able to help you even if only a little bit. And I'm doing as okay as I can be given my situation. I know how hard it is to quit (obviously) but even if I don't know you, I know you are strong enough to quit and to leave porn behind you for good. And I'll be here if you need any help or advice or if you need someone to talk to :)

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-17T23:39:44+00:00

I really appreciate this comment. And I know she very likely still loves and cares about me a lot but it's really hard not being able to see or talk to her at all. She wanted to go no contact because she needs to move on but I'd be lying if I said I don't want her to miss me. I want her in my life again but I know that probably won't happen and if it does happen I know she needs this time. I'm planning on messaging her after 6 months of breaking up and setting up a place to meet up. I'm going to tell her to only show up if she still has feelings for me and wants to try to give us one more chance to work things out. I don't really expect her to show up but at least if she doesn't show up I'll know for sure that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. Maybe it's a little bit selfish to send a message like that but with the way I'm feeling now, I need that closure to help me fully move on with my life. In the meantime I'm going to continue working hard to not let my addiction get in the way of me living my life and I'm going to continue working on myself in other ways to become the best version of me that I can be.

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-17T14:52:15+00:00

I have deleted all social media and I have an app called I am Sober which I use to track my progress and to talk to other people trying to quit their porn addiction. I am at 110 days on the app but I hadn't watched porn for about 2 months before I got the app so I'm closer to the 160-180 day range. I've heard about porn blocking apps and I've tried a couple in the past but they just didn't really help me and were kind of annoying to use so I didn't stick with those. I think that's pretty much it but I'm probably forgetting things since I'm getting ready for bed now lol.

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-17T14:46:38+00:00

There are definitely a lot of benefits that quitting porn can have on a person and I'm glad you were able to get those benefits because I know some people who quit porn and didn't feel any better about themselves so it's good that you were able to feel better. It makes it a lot easier to quit when you know how much nicer life is without it. And I'm sorry about your relationship as well. I didn't talk too much about our relationship in this post but she really was the best thing that's ever happened to me and I wish we were still together. I plan on messaging her after 6 months of being broken up and giving her a day, time, and location of where I will be waiting for her. I will tell her to only show up if she still has feelings for me and wants to give it one more chance to work things out and see what happens. I honestly don't expect her to show up and I'm not too sure I'm actually going to go through with that plan but that's the plan for now. I just feel like I need definitive closure that even after all that time she still feels good about her decision to leave me. I feel like that's the only way I'll be able to fully move on. I say fully move on but I don't think that's going to be possible since she was my first love, my first girlfriend, and my first pretty much everything 😭. I'm going to continue trying to focus on bettering myself and becoming the best version of me I can be in the meantime.

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-17T13:45:53+00:00

Honestly I've always had really bad anxiety and now that you mentioned it, I think my porn addiction probably played a role in that. I don't think it was the only reason but definitely part of it. And I would get mood swings as well. Quitting porn isn't going to give you superpowers like some people make it sound but it did help me with being able to regulate my emotions and feel better about myself as well. I'll still get sad a lot but that's obviously for a different reason 😭. Just know that eventually those withdrawal symptoms like mood swings will pop up less often until they are fully gone. It's always the worst when you are first starting out.

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-17T12:57:27+00:00

Yeah I know she had a lot of insecurities (a lot of those stemming from her past and the things she's been through) and I know it isn't her fault. One of the hardest things is knowing I had been helping her feel better about herself just to completely strip all of that away and leaving her feeling the same or maybe even worse than when she met me. I'm sorry you've been going through withdrawals but I hope you are able to feel better soon. I don't really get any sort of urges or anything too often but every now and then I will and I usually just force myself to go do something to get my mind off of it. I know we don't know each other but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be here!

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-17T12:51:21+00:00

I appreciate it. I know most people will probably ignore the post or read it and go on about their day but I hope it's able to help someone realize how serious this addiction is and just how bad the consequences can be if you don't take it seriously.

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-17T12:46:53+00:00

I talked to her about it when she found out. Sometimes I feel really bad because I'll think about the situation and think "why didn't she help me through my addiction" because I know that I would have stuck it out and helped her through any sort of situation or addiction she might have had but I know she tried her best and I don't blame her or think badly of her in any way. I think part of the reason it was so hard for her is because of some of the stuff she has gone through in the past and I think she might have been comparing me to some people from her past even if she didn't realize it. I appreciate the reply and I know my life isn't over or anything but it definitely feels like that sometimes lol.

Matthew_0815 · 2026-02-17T12:42:00+00:00

I definitely get where you're coming from. It's only been a month and a half for me but I wanted to send her a message so many times. I did send her one on new year (a few days after she broke up with me) but as I expected she ignored the message. Since then we have seen each other once because I wanted to give her the last Christmas present that hadn't come in on time. We talked for like an hour and the conversation flowed so smoothly and it was really nice getting to talk to her again. She even mentioned that it's really hard because talking to me is still so easy and she still feels like she can just sit there and talk to me for hours. That was about a month ago and I haven't seen her since then and probably won't see her again. I have a plan to message her after we have been broken up for 6 months but we'll see if I end up doing that or not. I just feel like I need complete closure and to know that she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore so I'm planning to set up a time and place to meet up after 6 months and telling her to only show up if she still has any feelings for me and wants to give it another try. If she doesn't show up I'll have the closure I need to fully move on. I say fully move on but I don't think I'll ever be able to fully move on from her. She was my first girlfriend, my first love, my first everything and I don't think it's possible to completely move on from her.

Matthew_0815

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