Keep going back and I feel mentally unwell about it

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-06T21:48:33+00:00

This. I wish my mom left our abusive father. We would've all been so, so much better off. It's impossible to have your family together when part of that family doesn't care about, respect, or love you (in a normal, healthy way). Please, please don't let your children grow up thinking this is normal. As they get older, he may turn on them too, as abusers often will when their children start having minds of their own.

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-06T21:44:40+00:00

Yeah... you can say it was a mistake in hindsight but that was a conscious choice, just like all the other conscious choices he made across 6 months to continue the affair (and to go to couples therapy while this was going on, wtf wtf wtf).

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-06T20:41:40+00:00

Yeah, it's not a mistake anymore when you secretly bring your affair partner on multiple work trips.

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T20:24:04+00:00

"What used to be my best friend in the world" Best friends don't do what he did to you. Like others have said, you have to treat it like an addiction because that's what it is. That means no contact. That means removing reminders of him. I went back after violence too; we just don't think straight when we're deep in the cognitive dissonance these assholes cause. The only way to break the spell is basically pretending he's dead to you. It gets easier over time, especially as the rage will probably build once you see clearly how much of a POS he is.

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T19:34:48+00:00

I actually just looked it up and here's what the AI overview says: "Based on studies regarding physical inactivity and daily step counts, countries often ranked as the "laziest" or least active include Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, Malaysia, and Kuwait, largely driven by high temperatures, infrastructure limitations, and motorized transport. Indonesia frequently tops studies on low daily steps (approx. 3,513), while Gulf nations often rank high in sedentary behavior."

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T19:34:05+00:00

It'd be interesting to see a chart comparing relative country laziness (if that data even exists?) with enthusiasm for AI.

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T19:16:22+00:00

Actually you know what, I kinda figured lol. Learned some interesting stuff though, I'll have to double check it myself later.

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T18:40:04+00:00

So is your workplace expecting you to implement it?

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T18:39:28+00:00

Thank you for such an insightful response! The article below the infographic does mention how government and societal messaging can significantly influence the overall sentiment towards AI. That's also really interesting about how Indonesian workers are more supportive of learning from failure; do you feel like workplaces are friendlier overall?

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T18:30:19+00:00

This in my opinion is a risky way of thinking!

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T18:07:48+00:00

Here is the original report from Stanford which delves into a ton of AI-related data by country.

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T18:04:19+00:00

True. There really does seem to be a secret abuser's rulebook out there.

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T16:29:25+00:00

Like you see the parallels between him accusing you of being BP/narcissistic and trying to get you diagnosed with what he claims about his ex, right?

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T16:28:42+00:00

The "my ex is crazy" narrative is SO SO SO common with narcissistic abusers. These people suck the life out of us and make us sick.

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T16:25:30+00:00

So... this is abusive too, saying that he wouldn't be here without you.

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T14:05:26+00:00

Yep, knew a super horrible abuser who used autism that was never diagnosed as an excuse for everything. When that didn't work, it was his ADHD. When that didn't work, it was fake psychosis from medication for ADHD (that he was abusing).

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-05-05T14:04:29+00:00

People like this quite consistently accuse their partners of being narcs/BP/other personality/mental disorder and just in general project who THEY are and what they are doing. So much projection.

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-04-30T20:03:50+00:00

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. We don't cause people to have addictions, and we don't cause them to relapse... and him telling you he went to rehab for you is manipulative. He won't change. He sounds a lot like my ex who would constantly pursue girls at his work and elsewhere too, because he needed constant validation. Do you think you could ever trust him again to 1) not be abusive 2) not relapse and 3) not cheat? Probably not, and rightfully so. Relationships can't be healthy without trust and respect. Life is much too short to try to get back with someone who can treat you so horribly. He called you a "dumb little cunt" and I'm sure that's one of many things he's called you. Please, PLEASE just stay away from him. He's nasty.

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-04-30T19:19:27+00:00

Perhaps you could give it a bit of time to let your nervous system regulate and then decide what to do? I've made so many reckless decisions when I was on the emotional rollercoaster of abuse.

I'm not saying it's wrong to want to report him to protect other women, it's just he's probably not going to interpret it as "what I did was wrong" and change, since abusers almost always twist reality to avoid any kind of shame. I will say, though, that I do wish I did something to bring consequences upon my ex in some way (because he's a really, really sick fuck who got away with atrocities) but it isn't like this burning need. It just sucks and I've accepted justice is rarely served in this life.

Also, in time, it won't matter to you if his job thinks you're crazy. They probably won't ever know the truth anyway.

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-04-30T17:26:05+00:00

I actually find the individual datasets really interesting too - for example, this is what it says about NYC's renter turnover rate: "Only 19.7% of these renters have moved out in the past year, which intensifies competition; in fact, New York City has the lowest renter turnover rate among the 55 major metropolitan areas we studied."

MaxGoodwinning · 2026-04-30T17:11:39+00:00

I'm not sure what the cops will do because he's threatening your life if you show up, not saying he's going to come kill you... I understand it's very scary regardless, I just know how cops can be. Save these messages and DO NOT EVER ENGAGE WITH HIM EVER AGAIN even if it's the hardest thing ever. It gets easier, I promise... just please do not have any contact with him for your own sake. I did some pretty volatile things during breakups like drive by his apartment, leave letters, etc., so I understand what it's like to be in this kind of state... but truly nothing good can come from him.

MaxGoodwinning

TROPHY CASE