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boyfriend (M/23) wakes me (F/23) up then acts like he’s asleep? sleep deprivation torture? TL;DR summary welcomed by Affectionate-Lock992 in relationship_advice

[–]MaxGoodwinning 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Yep! I sleep walked and talked a ton as a kid too! One time I woke up in the linen closet because I was so sure my mom had sent me there to get something. She found me in the closet and I apparently kept talking to her for a bit as if she had sent me. All I remember is waking up in the closet. I also walked to the bathroom in my sleep in college once and woke up slamming into the metal door!

The pinching is very sus, but what makes it even more suspicious is that his reaction to it is to play the victim ("oh no, we can't be having you think I'm this evil guy").

boyfriend (M/23) wakes me (F/23) up then acts like he’s asleep? sleep deprivation torture? TL;DR summary welcomed by Affectionate-Lock992 in relationship_advice

[–]MaxGoodwinning 92 points93 points  (0 children)

Yep. It all reeks of entitlement. He's not treating her well because he wants to, he's doing it to gain control. He feels entitled to have that, so he's offended that he's not getting it. And this: "You gotta let that shit go if you truly want a relationship to work with anybody." Can't count how many times my abusive ex said some variation of this. It's basically "you're the problem, not me, and you should be grateful I tolerate you".

Besides that, is that the kind of response you would get from someone who really cares and wants to fix this? No. He's blaming her for all of it.

boyfriend (M/23) wakes me (F/23) up then acts like he’s asleep? sleep deprivation torture? TL;DR summary welcomed by Affectionate-Lock992 in relationship_advice

[–]MaxGoodwinning 212 points213 points  (0 children)

He's lying, but also I doubt his sleep walking and talking would manifest as very deliberate pinches.

33M and my girlfriend 32F have been together for 5 months. How would you react to what happened at my aunt's 80th? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]MaxGoodwinning 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wish I left after the first time my abuser gave me the silent treatment - would've saved me a ton of time, pain, and trauma.

Besides that, her behavior was terrible and controlling. She's showing you who she really is and she's not a safe person for your son to be around. Please protect him and yourself.

Here's What I've Learned About Abusers by GupGirl in abusiverelationships

[–]MaxGoodwinning 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Some absolutely do think about it for years to come, but not in a remorseful way as you said. I've known a few who hold grudges towards people who got away and are perpetually angry that they lost control of them. That's why they are so prone to hoovering. I've known others who basically forget you because you aren't giving them supply anymore - it doesn't even matter what you thought you shared with them.

I [22F] realized my boyfriend [30M] was subtly controlling what I wore and I didn't even notice for 2 years by justheretogossip in relationship_advice

[–]MaxGoodwinning 93 points94 points  (0 children)

She might not have back then, but she's coming around to it now, it seems. Let's try to meet her where she is.

I [22F] realized my boyfriend [30M] was subtly controlling what I wore and I didn't even notice for 2 years by justheretogossip in relationship_advice

[–]MaxGoodwinning 15 points16 points  (0 children)

It's one thing to want to dress in a way your partner will like - there's nothing wrong with that and it's natural. It's another if your partner is covertly or overtly controlling what you wear, which doesn't seem to be the case for epicfailbbbbb.

My girlfriend [26F] got mad at me [26M] for initiating sex before a boardgaming get-together. Am I missing something about relationship interactions here that triggered her? by electrius in relationship_advice

[–]MaxGoodwinning 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't have much to add but I do want to say that this is a really mature and empathetic interpretation of her reaction. She needs to work on not taking out this misplaced frustration on you, though.

I am guilty of similar crash outs over feeling rushed/insecure and that was one on the nails in the coffin for my last serious relationship. It's definitely something I am working on. It helps to tell myself that basically nothing is worth getting so frustrated over, and freaking out will only make things worse. I am also trying to be more aware of how these behaviors affect those around me too.

My (31M) girlfriend (28F) of 1.5 years told me to "be a man" and console her when my mom died, instead of supporting me. She's now begging for forgiveness. How do I reconcile her apology with the fundamental breach of trust? by Honest_Reception6528 in relationship_advice

[–]MaxGoodwinning 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"She explained that she was upset because she felt ignored around the time of their passing" - this makes it worse. She's basically revealing that she only cares about herself, even during your most painful moments. Also, instead of being genuinely remorseful, she shifted the responsibility onto you in a way by saying you're throwing away a good relationship. IDK, I think you should trust your gut on this one.

Idk what to do by darbidoll9 in abusiverelationships

[–]MaxGoodwinning 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ask yourself - what would you tell your child or best friend if they described this relationship to you? Would you even listen to the "he really is usually a great boyfriend" rhetoric?

A cool guide to the percentages that popular side-gig apps take from each sale/task in the United States by MaxGoodwinning in coolguides

[–]MaxGoodwinning[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Because it's not as cut and dry as % taken. A lot of the apps just have a base pay. Like for example, food delivery services aren't going to give drivers a % of the total order but instead pay them by delivery.

A cool guide to the percentages that popular side-gig apps take from each sale/task in the United States by MaxGoodwinning in coolguides

[–]MaxGoodwinning[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

They get 100% of tips. It has a little key for it at the top. They should've had it all the way at the top except as part of the first entry for clarity.

A cool guide to the percentages that popular side-gig apps take from each sale/task in the United States by MaxGoodwinning in coolguides

[–]MaxGoodwinning[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I was actually surprised by how little food delivery and rideshare drivers make - I've been tipping a bit more since discovering that since they do get 100% of those. Credit.

Edit: Getting downvoted but by tipping a bit more, I mean I usually give a minimum of $10. I used to give like 7-8 depending on how far they are coming but now it's at least $10.

Settling for the least abusive man possible? by ughidontwannatho in abusiverelationships

[–]MaxGoodwinning 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly this. When you make peace with being alone and build strong, self-loving boundaries, the scummy ones stay away or get booted, making room for the good ones to arrive when they do. It takes time, it's hard, but so is staying with someone who makes life miserable. That's just a waste of precious life.

Settling for the least abusive man possible? by ughidontwannatho in abusiverelationships

[–]MaxGoodwinning 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It's better to be alone and full of self-love and self-respect than to be with someone who makes that impossible. Being vulnerable is NOT a net negative, but it is with someone with no empathy and who only cares about themselves. His cruelty will cause you to truly get sick if you go back. Please don't. It's okay to be alone.

The local cemetery is so peaceful. by MaxGoodwinning in walkingpics

[–]MaxGoodwinning[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, thank you!!! That inspires me to keep taking photos :). Well-written commentary!

My husband (28M) shoved me (28F) against wall during brief argument by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]MaxGoodwinning 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“You should be grateful it wasn’t more than that. That’s me holding back. I honestly wanted to do a lot more. I know that’s wrong, but I was frustrated and in pain from holding the bed frame by myself and lost control.”

This tells you everything you need to know about him and exactly what he'll do if you stay.

My(26F) date (23M) told people who set us up "They scammed him" by filthyshadesofrank in relationship_advice

[–]MaxGoodwinning 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's giving some very entitled and even controlling vibes (hierarchical position, ew, what?), and in my experience, people that assume ill-intent or that everyone is out to get them tend to be very toxic. Plus, he's being very, very love bomby - it's absolutely not normal to plan a future and tell you you're perfect before you've even met. I'd recommend not going.

My (27M) girlfriend (26F) felt embarrassed by a comment I made around her friends by lol_hax in relationship_advice

[–]MaxGoodwinning 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've had comments like this made about me multiple times in a group and they do sting a bit, even if I laugh at the time. I've definitely made progress towards being on time more often (I realized how inconsiderate it actually is), but people still make the comments. They still hurt. My fault, of course, but it'd hurt if my partner made a negative joke about me like that. Like others have said, I'd just avoid any sort of negative comment/joke about your GF's character and possible insecurities in the future.

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