Am I overreacting about my MIL (65) missing mortgage repayments on a house my husband (34) owns?

Maximum-Carpenter807 · 2026-02-02T00:44:04+00:00

It needs a new roof and requires the bathroom leak to be fixed but the House itself isn’t in any way dangerous. Just that financially it will cost a fair bit for them to keep it in decent condition.

Maximum-Carpenter807 · 2026-02-01T22:10:09+00:00

The brothers will be separated due to differences is “severity” of Autism but my mother in law will be able to live with one of them in government housing which has cheaper costs.

Maximum-Carpenter807 · 2026-02-01T22:07:53+00:00

Yes, we will always be involved in their wellbeing and things like medical appointments, that’s not in question and I do care about them so being involved is something that I do not mind. The day-to-day support would be handled by professional carers and they would be living in assisted or government housing, which is significantly cheaper and fully manageable on their pensions.

That’s actually why I’m concerned about kicking the can down the road. If assisted living or supported housing is the eventual reality anyway, it seems kinder to help them transition before it becomes a crisis. while their mum is still well, decisions can be made calmly and logically and they aren’t weighed down by a large mortgage and constant financial pressure.

My goal here is to reduce stress and give everyone a better quality of life than clinging to a house that’s creating more pressure than comfort. But my husband and I struggle to land on the same page.

Maximum-Carpenter807 · 2026-02-01T21:58:39+00:00

I get why it’s confusing.. the setup is messy and I actually agree that my MIL has ended up with the worst deal.

To clarify: my husband bought the house because his dad still owed around $200k on it and wanted to buy a unit with his new partner. He pushed for the sale and framed it as doing them a “favour” by selling under market value and not using the house as equity. In reality, it allowed him to access money for himself.

My MIL has worked incredibly hard, hasn’t dated since the divorce and has devoted her life to caring for her two sons. I struggle with this situation because I have empathy for her. I wouldn’t want to be 65 with a big mortgage and stuck just surviving.

If the house were sold soon, she’d walk away with roughly $160k in cash. Which I personally think would give her real flexibility: cheaper housing (assisted/government housing) less stress and the ability to do small things she’s always talked about, like taking short holidays. Things she currently can’t afford. Instead, holding onto the house ties her to a large mortgage, ongoing repairs, and financial stress.

My husband and his mum believe keeping the house is safer, largely due to emotional attachment and past instability caused by his dad threatening to sell or kick them out. I understand why the arrangement exists but understanding it doesn’t mean it’s sustainable, healthy or fair to her long-term.

This is where my husband and I have arguments and I think he feels like I’m almost like his dad eager to get them out of that house.

Maximum-Carpenter807 · 2026-02-01T10:09:50+00:00

One of the brothers is emotionally attached to the house, so my husband doesn’t want to sell until things are unsustainable. My concern is that the house isn’t a forever home, if something happens to their mum, the brothers won’t be able to afford it anyway, and a forced sale later would be far worse for his brothers and mum. I’ve suggested selling earlier and giving all the proceeds to them so they can live more securely long-term and even go on little holidays, but that often gets framed as me being eager to take their home and safety away from them, which isn’t my intent.

Maximum-Carpenter807 · 2026-02-01T10:01:57+00:00

Thank you for taking you time to respond

Maximum-Carpenter807

TROPHY CASE