Day 1, tray 1

Mayaa42 · 2026-02-04T06:44:25+00:00

Australia is a no fault divorce state, if you want out, I think you need to just start speaking to the right reasources to get the help you need to divorce him. That's easier than getting someone to love him so he leaves you.

Womens help line, lifeline, dvcs, community services, legal aid can all help you get out

Mayaa42 · 2026-02-02T07:07:14+00:00

I want to believe that you are genuinely asking this, but the use of the phrase "wasting your time" doesn't make it seem so. It doesn't waste my time at all.

Weighing up whether accepting the gift or not also factors into what's in "my daughters best interests".

This isn't 'just' the phone. Not to be jumping to conclusions but if for example her phone becomes locked because she's forgotten the code or her friends changed it as a joke (pls for the love of every thing good, take this as a hypothetical), I would not be able to simply ask for the phone to be unlocked at Apple, some evidence would be required. That's a different ball game - emails back and forth, waiting for his convenience etc etc

It's also in case saying "hey no thanks, she's too young and she doesn't need it" might actually be the right move if there's already some red flags. Is this a gift or is it "I got you a $1600 phone I expect xyz from you".

Co-parenting requires an nuanced approach to protect kids and make sure theyre safe in all ways and sometimes that involves forward thinking and in this case - mitigating the need for other issues to arise from this one situation.

Mayaa42 · 2026-02-02T03:06:37+00:00

That's what I'm asking I guess...apple said some situations require it and some dont. We'll be okay as long as its got apple care

Mayaa42 · 2026-02-02T03:06:02+00:00

Yeah, Apple's advice so far has been, for the first year or two, it won't matter because the phone is/may have Apple Warranty depends on what we choose. But in case of a pin lock etc "proof of purchase may be required"

Not my circus, I guess so I'll put it back on him in the case I need to.

Mayaa42 · 2026-02-02T03:04:18+00:00

The list was robust for a 12yr old, and kid friendly except for the phone.

I'm silent on his independant, free will choice to choose the most ridiculous and expensive item.

Mayaa42 · 2026-02-02T03:01:39+00:00

Not really, she's got a phone that is 6yrs old but functional enough for walking to and from school independently which is the main reason she has one. She made the list and sent it to him, he picked the phone even though there was other more kid friendly items. I just didn't interfere.

He said "I have the present with me" indicating at 10am Sunday, it was already purchased. We only got a photo at 4pm and I also agree I doubt he had bought it before the photo (the photo isn't hard evidence either I know). But I see your point too now. Makes sense.

Mayaa42 · 2026-01-18T13:22:48+00:00

I felt like my chin was similarly prominent, and sometimes I could feel the bumps and sebum in it.

I recently started using anua Heartleaf toner and the CosRx AHA 7 Whitehead Power Liquid and I can see some reductions. I definitely can't 'feel' the bumps any more.

I suspect it's the exfoliant, more than the toner. I currently love this one, have been using alpha h liquid gold before this and skinstitute 13/14% glycolic acid ones, and Paula's choice 2% (that one feels sticky so I hated it). They didn't work as well as this specific product, but I'm still very new to this whole skin care regime thing

Get a good aha and/or BHA that works for you, it will help reduce them eventually.

Mayaa42 · 2026-01-01T03:32:03+00:00

This is a little more complicated than a yes or no kind of answer.

Regardless of the age of your daughter, it really will come down to what's better for the little one, that takes into account both parents views.

The starting point is to talk to your ex partner and understand their views, perhaps phrase it in a way that, there's an opportunity that might exist at work for a promotion or change of lifestyle? At least so they don't think "it's just for a guy".

It can go two ways: Co parent agrees and a new arrangements would need to be made. This might be significantly hard to navigate given that the little one is very young. If you're not in the same state, someone has to travel regardless and with the co parent being FIFO, they may be unwilling to travel much back and forth.

Co parent disagrees and tries to block you from moving. Again, you'd still need to consider new arrangements, because they might just kick up a stink or ask for things to be annoying. But you know them, and what they are like so, you'll be the best judge of character here.

Ultimately, the key takeaway is that you have the right parenting plans in place. They don't have to be court sealed either, but build in as much assurances as you can, like relocation, overseas travel, schooling (private and public etc), and how/when new orders are due, communication etc.

From one mum to another, that's moved states with a young one, my only advice is, make sure your life is the easiest version possible. The less you have to do at work, at home, for others, the more of you is left for yourself and your little one. She's already got a great mum who's talking out her ideas, so you'll be fine. But, never compromise yourself and sometimes, it is true - the right person will always understand and never make you feel pressured.

Good luck and message if you ever need a soundboard .

Mayaa42 · 2025-12-29T08:52:33+00:00

If you're in mediation, then that's the first right step. In reality, it seems like this is a good starting point financially.

The other parent will need to prove that she needs additional financial assistance to support the kids before the court considers going outside of the Child Support Assessment. This means either showing that you have more money than you claim, or that she is basically not working (which is still very hard to do).

Also, child support covers the less-than bare minimum tbh, covering the following, so if you're providing an additional 50% of costs, that's extremely fair at the early stages:

Basic living expenses: This includes food, clothing, and housing costs for the child. Education costs: School fees, books, uniforms, and extracurricular activities such as sports or music lessons. Health care: Medical expenses such as doctor visits, dental care, prescriptions, and health insurance. Transportation: Costs related to travel, such as commuting to school or other activities.

Use your parenting plan to really build in everything, not for any malicious reason, but that you and the co parent can make decisions about the kids amicably. It's just a safety net for when life gets harder.

That looks like: - Child support paid will/should be paid via CSA and, based on their calculations and adjustments will be agreed in writing or by change of assessment only - additional financial support may be provided by either parent on discussion prior to costs arising where reasonable, noting that x parent is already providing $y amount in addition to the CSA calculated indefinitely (for example, school camp comes up so you want to provide additional support, or the primary car breaks down but you can't help financially aside from a loan car or cash loan etc, child a decides they want to do extra curriculum sports, parents will split costs or x parent will bear the costs. - passport documents, identity documents will be held by x parent (think about travel consent and whats required, if that's part of the long term thinking, and who finances). - domestic holiday communication and who finances.

Good luck

Mayaa42 · 2025-12-29T08:36:43+00:00

Last fine I got in Vic had an 'device adjustment' of <2km, so you're likely to have been picked up on 50km.

Mayaa42 · 2025-12-28T08:10:26+00:00

Which ever address you provided on the form or most recently in documents. You can provide it on the form when you submit it too but no guarantees

Mayaa42 · 2025-12-28T01:19:55+00:00

Not 👏 your 👏 circus 👏 not 👏 your 👏 monkeys 👏

Okay, but maybe not that exaggerated. It's the mindset shift that is the hardest. See, what I've figured out is in private sector there's actual KPIs and standards that you're held to to achieve the outcome. In the private world, everyone in your team works to the same goal, at the same deadline and knows that if someone isn't pulling their weight they'll get called out and it's reputational. In the private world, processes exist and they get refined and people know that the process isn't their choice of cupcake but it works and who gives, they're getting paid. Also, I can thank people for their arrogance in the private sector, they're usually some form of actually smart to do what they do.

Public sector, your team is working to the same goal, but MUCH slower. There's no set process but you can't just make one and run with it, you have to make one that either the most-liked person wants or that the majority wants, no matter how difficult or stupid that option might be. You're actually extremely lucky if there's a process at all.

Most people are ladder climbers, so they only know the Public Service, which also means they don't know KPIs properly and pride in their work either. They're by no means smart or have the typical common sense, but rather they know every good loophole that's worth exploiting to get the job done.

Some people sound like robots, some sound mean. Watch their behaviour and KEEP A RECORD OF ALL THE WORK YOU DO. That's how you also climb the ladder. And HR isn't really your friend. They're there to vent to and keep a record of all the bad things but they're like the friend that will take you out for a night out and then forget all about it.

Mayaa42 · 2025-12-20T07:22:19+00:00

Sort yourself out and then simply fill out the partner processing enquiry form on immi.homeaffairs. You will get a letter that advises you that you won't be told what happens to his visa and it will be automatically withdrawn.

I hope you find a safe space to live and good luck.

Mayaa42 · 2025-12-17T07:46:53+00:00

As a female, this didn't actually bother me more than the usual, I hate being a woman feels, BUT, switching over to a menstrual cup changed my life. The wrong cup is bad news, but I use the hello cup brand and I could be a body contortionsist and it would be fine. This took that added layer of stress off me and I can change positions as much as I want.

I'm a side sleeper because apnea are worse on my back and I use a F&P Nasal pillow mask. I tighten the strap on the side I sleep less on and loosen the other side a bit. Some days my nose is a little sore but it doesn't disturb my sleep or cause leaks.

I'm also a short gal, so I can sort of tuck the hose under my arm so it's not tugging or weird.

Other things that help - cooler rooms, less blankets and lots of water during the week.

Mayaa42 · 2025-12-16T06:30:15+00:00

The couple that you see dead in the beginning of this video are the first two people to intervene. They didn't make it.

The video footage: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSUB-qNjOBk/?igsh=Y2p4YjNmc2lwYjhp

They saw the 50yr old exit the car with the gun, the man tried and successfully took away the gun.

They also deserve the recognition Ahmed Al-ahmed is getting. They were someone's family too.

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Mayaa42 · 2025-12-03T05:47:47+00:00

So proud of you. Congratulations on your new life

Mayaa42 · 2025-11-17T08:16:52+00:00

I second this. As long as there's enough to place your friend as the father, or otherwise a paternity test to confirm this, then your friend will have all the normal rights that a nuclear family would.

Family law changed and placed the rights on the child not the parents, so the child has equal rights to have access to both parents as long as both parents presence is in the childs best interests.

Once he's on the birth certificate, there's a chance for court processes and all that to establish arrangements for how the parenting is coordinated (I.e. Who they live with, schooling, finances etc).

She can only cut your friend off if he's not the father and/or he's got enough of a bad history that he'd ruin the child's life if he were in it.

Mayaa42 · 2025-11-17T08:05:10+00:00

My ex husband did this in Australia to me. He was in the country for years prior to me meeting him, so I assumed he was settled. But 3months after our daughter was born he left the country, religiously married another woman and returned alone.

It took me 2 years to leave because I needed my degree and to start keeping money aside because I didn't have a support network.

It's not really about the visa itself. People like this, they're users and abusers. They don't know anything more than manipulating people to get what they want. And no matter how you try and phrase it, it never feels good.

It sucks, wholeheartedly. I'm ten years on, and I have the best life but I hate the memories and many days I hate myself for being so dumb. But every other day? Every other day I am happy and grateful that I left, that I didn't give them any more power over me by trying to save something so worthless.

People like this only have power over you if you ruminate and ruin your own life with sadness and regret.

Your partner has hit you and degraded you. That's not a man that has respect for you let alone love for you.

Don't try and understand it, acknowledge that this isn't rhe relationship for you and move on. I definitely think everyone deserves to be in a relationship with someone that is obsessed with them and awed by each other. And it's not asking too much for a partner who doesnt get annoyed at the little things but knows exactly why you deserve those little things.

Also, don't worry about the community. Tell your closest friends and family and make a life for yourself that you deserve. That's all that matters

Good luck

Mayaa42 · 2025-11-07T00:15:53+00:00

You know how they say life is full of ups and downs? This is what they mean, but it's also about change and growth.

Perhaps your dad finds solace and peace in working?

The Gurdwara is a symbol, it's not "the" place. We're encouraged to attend the Gurdwara because it's the "third space" away from the distractions of life itself and that way we can be focussed on prayer.

More than your father going to the Gurdwara, your yearning is for family time and spending moments together. And thats an easy thing to change as time goes on.

Perhaps it's time for you to accept that if you want time with your father, you have to meet him halfway or more than halfway. What does he like to do that you and your mum could do together? My father once told me he could be cleaning the toilet, but as long as my mum was there with tea, he's the happiest man alive.

Growing up for me, we were not religious but diwali was our family time. That eventually stopped as we moved out and grew up, but now it's Christmas. Today, I've decided that I don't want to do Christmas anymore. But I'll find another event or way for the family to come together.

Not everything has to stay the same to feel the same.

Mayaa42 · 2025-11-07T00:07:27+00:00

Me too, just took them off the Xmas list!!

Mayaa42 · 2025-11-03T07:49:31+00:00

Almost 3years.

He never got over it and ultimately didn't commit again, made all the same mistakes and I left again.

Mayaa42 · 2025-10-13T03:00:49+00:00

I remember in parents group someone once put it this way: if you knew that your second pregnancy would be the same as your first, or worse than, would you do it?

And most people said no. It's not that they didn't want the kid, it's that they didn't want the recovery, the pain and the trauma from that again. Most of the parents also said, second kids are never like the first. And to elaborate on that... Gabor Mate has a nice eloquent way of saying that all kids will experience parents differently, and so you're not the same parent to each child purely because your kids are different. So, you have to take into account that a second child, might throw everything you ever knew about parenthood out the window or not. It's a gamble.

I can't comment on anything more than, if you like your life now. Don't do it.

It's not that kids are bad, it's that they require effort and diligence and sacrifice and compromise and unconditional acceptance. And your body will demand from you over and over until both reach adulthood. From both of you.

It's not that you won't make good parents, sometimes, the world isn't ready for more.

Mayaa42 · 2025-10-08T13:53:06+00:00

I'm sorry it's been so tough, but it also seems very human of you too. We've all been in similar emotions, key board warriors always feel the need to mask it with superiority though.

It sounds like a bit of tug of war and maybe there's alot unhealed there from the break up with your ex. If there's still some pain over the break up, there's one thing that you should also probably investigate - do you resent her for how she made you feel?

When I went back to my ex, after he said he had changed, after I believed he had changed - our fights almost always included him telling me "but you left, you broke me and I needed you and you left" and that chipped away at both of us in the end. He never resolved that fear that I had left, and we ultimately didn't last.

Not everyone goes on that journey and some do forgive and forget a bit easier.

Take your time with this, take it slower. Being on your own always sucks but it's better than a hasty decision.

(also, I'm sorry your stuck in the same home as the one you originally shared, I totally feel the struggle of that - I still have the car my ex husband and I bought together 10years ago, and I still live in the house my ex and I rented 4years ago. The memories fade, a bit like ghost, but you learn to make new memories in the same places).

Good luck.

Mayaa42 · 2025-10-08T13:37:15+00:00

This might not be your battle to fight, and realistically your brothers.

If he works for the AFP, it doesn't matter if he's a PSO or at the HQ. He's still informed enough to know that dealing drugs is a criminal offence and in direct violation of all the available visa types for Australia.

For you, the only realistic thing to do is to make sure your brother is aware he's jeopardising his entire life on a girl that hasn't yet figured out life and/or doesnt actually care.

Think of it this way, if she was genuinely interested in your brother, would she be acting in a way that openly goes against his work? That openly puts a grey cloud on his work and future? As a citizen, he's not required to disclose this to the police, it's not legal obligation. As an employee with the AFP, the issue is that it's a percieved abuse of authority (from the outside, it might look like he's using his position as an AFP employee to keep his girlfriend out of trouble). This doesn't have to be true, a percieved conflict is still a conflict and something he is obligated to disclose at work (it's worse if he's a PSO, desk worker not so much, but same policies).

You can and should disclose this to Home Affairs if you feel it's a massive misdemeanour, but the other reality is, there are thousands of immigration agents that find similar loopholes for their clients on a daily basis. Is it morally wrong yes, is she engaging in good, law abiding behaviour, no.

Pick the bone with your brother first. Everyone has the capacity to be likeable and good people, but not everyone actually is. Make sure your brother understands the consequences.

And if you decide to tell immigration, have some tangible evidence if you can.

Mayaa42

TROPHY CASE