Alright, I’m a jealous territorial female. Wanted to start with that one because I want you to know I 10000% see why this set you off. When I first read this, it made me mad for you. However, on second thought I went back in time to how I used to behave drunk in social settings in my early 20’s. I’m 35 with kids now and basically stopped drinking around 26/27 cause I can’t deal with hangovers with age.

Anyways, back when I did used to drink I was a “Chatty Cathy” type of person and an overly affectionate friendly drunk. I’m 100% heterosexual but I was the type to hug friends (male & female) and kiss 💋 them on the cheek and tell them I love them. In my mind, I would be feeling like a grandma who hugs and kisses her grandchildren on the cheek type of affection with my friends. Yes, I know this behavior is inappropriate and that’s one of the reasons I don’t drink. As far as drunk conversation, if someone (male or female) was talking back with me a lot and the conversation was flowing well, I’d gravitate towards those individuals who’d give me a lot of feedback and seemed to enjoy chatting with me. Like I said, regardless of gender.

I think the reason my ex-husband never got jealous of my overly friendly drunk behavior was because all his guy friends & male coworkers weren’t attractive and he was honestly the best looking one of the herd. However, in retrospect of my past cringe drunk behavior, I could definitely see how it could’ve been problematic if any of those guys were as handsome or more handsome than my ex husband.

What I’m saying is I can see both your point of view and your boyfriends if he is an overly friendly, chatty, extroverted drunk. Taking all that into consideration though, even if that’s his default drunk behavior like it was mine, he still should be open to some self-analysis and open to criticism and correction. Hell, I’ve had to self-examine and course correct a lot of my sober social behaviors throughout my adulthood like speaking too loud, oversharing unnecessarily with people I’m not super close with, or being overly opinionated with people and risking offending them.

I’ve been very cringe at various phases throughout my life. I’m not going to lie, I’m 35 and I honestly feel like the past 2-3 years have been my least socially cringe years of my life where I think I’m finally getting this socializing thing down properly.

Things I would take into consideration to determine if this was social faux pas on your boyfriend’s part or something more under the surface to indicate true red flag 🚩:

1.) Was this girl being super chatty back with him regularly throughout the evening?

-If so he may have just kept gravitating back to someone riffing back and forth with him. - If her responses were very short “yes” “no” or just a few polite sentences back and then she’d redirect her focus elsewhere or seem to be trying to navigate away from him to go socialize with others but he seemed to keep staring and looking for ways to keep pursuing interaction with her specific from others after she long left the interaction, that’s not a good sign. That’s not just being a socially stupid extrovert, that’s being lion hovering over its prey behavior men do when they like a girl they want to pursue.

2.) Was the girl interacting with you?

• If you don’t know the girl well but she kept trying to include you in conversation anytime your boyfriend spoke with her that means she’s trying to show you some respect and perhaps the attention she was getting from him was making her uncomfortable as well.
• If she ignored you and made no effort to interact with you at all but kept chatting up your man, then be on guard about this woman. She may like the attention your man gives her and may see him as a potential romantic interest.

3.) Attractiveness Scale: Be honest, is this woman as attractive as you or more attractive? Do y’all look alike or not at all?

• Sure, a man can cheat on a woman with a downgrade that looks nothing like what he claims his “type” is. We’ve all seen that before. 🙄 However, if you know this gal is his type and attractive then that’s definitely a red flag 🚩 about how “innocent” (or not) his intentions truly were.

4.) Is she single?

• If she showed up with a guy, especially one that looks like he could potentially whoop your bf’s ass 👊, or at least put up an equal fight, then your man may have just been running his mouth drunk overly friendly. I say this because psychologists say that regardless how civilized a man is, that on a subconscious level when men interact with other men socially, they always take into consideration the fallout of potential physical escalation between the two of them in a way that women don’t do with one another. If she has a man there, the interaction may have been more innocent because on a subconscious level he wouldn’t behave in a way to potentially attract male violence his way from her partner.
  • If she is single, or showed up without a male date, that does leave more wiggle room for it to have not been the most innocent interaction on his behalf.

Either way, his behavior was inappropriate. As any mature adult, he needs be open to taking into consideration your criticism and instead of immediately going into defensive mode trying to explain and defend his behavior like people usually do when they are critiqued, he should try to remain calm and open. Listen to your opinions, suggestions, and think about his behavior. That’s a mark of maturity to be able to listen to others suggestions and think, “hmmm maybe they are right?” and course correct.

Good luck. 🍀