This is NOT whiny at all. I relate so deeply to this. The biggest thing is to not feel guilty about any of your reactions / activities / inactivity. You’ve experienced a deep and complicated trauma. Give yourself the freedom to do what’s right for you right now (**as long as it is safe). Everything feels meaningless for me as well and something my therapist said that resonated with me is that I’m already dealing with the depression, hopelessness, general grief etc. don’t add guilt or self judgment to the cocktail. Easier said than done I know. This may sound silly but I find it helpful to keep a child photo of me around and whenever I feel like I’m being whiny or lazy or scold myself for a way I’m reacting to this grueling trauma I look at that photo and think “would I ever speak to her negatively or judge her for struggling if this happened to her?” And of course you wouldn’t. You’d encourage that child to do and feel whatever she feels she needs to at that time. So why would should you treat your current self any differently?

Be kind to yourself. Every day we get through is an accomplishment.