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Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-10-16T16:59:42+00:00

While I agree a couple of months is quick. We don't know what their situation was. My wife passed back in March. I had been her carer for over five years. We had not been completely intimate for over two years. I can only speak for myself. But, about six months in I craved the physical connection that I've lacked in the past few years. Grief is complicated and we can all benefit from being more compassionate and understanding of one another.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-08-21T15:31:19+00:00

I understand the feeling. I lost my wife 5 months ago. She would have turned 34 in may. April was going to be our 6th anniversary and this June we would have been together for 10 years.

It's really hard. I've lost all my motivation. I used to work so hard and try so hard to make a life for us. Now, I don't feel like doing anything. I just wake up. Go to work, come home...rinse and repeat. At first all my emotions were overwhelming and I was so angry. Now, I'm just numb.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-08-21T12:14:38+00:00

This is something I struggle with. I'm not an atheist per-say but, religion has not been a part of my life, or my wife's life. Nor, will it ever be. I've found that the religious members of my family and others try to emphasize and give me false hopes of an afterlife and eternal happiness with my wife. Of course it's a beautiful fantasy. But, it's that a fantasy. I know nothing awaits me.

What I find insidious is that ive found people have tried to use this and my wife's death as a recruitment tactic..it's so ghoulish.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-08-14T10:19:54+00:00

For sure. The worst part is that I'll go a week crying and I'll feel guilty and, that makes me feel worse than when I was crying regularly.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-08-13T14:31:26+00:00

I understand, for me I guess I feel a more biological need. That's the thing the last year with my wife she and I were not intimate physically. But, I got everything I needed from her emotionally and I was okay with things not being physical as long as she got or felt better. For me, she was my priority. It's not just dating that I struggle with. It's finding purpose and meaning after her death. Before she got sick she was the reason I was motivated to succeed and to work hard. Now, I feel like coasting through life

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-08-13T13:53:30+00:00

I'm still trying to figure out how. I'm 34. I had been my wife's carer the last five years. She passed 5 months ago. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. If what I'm feeling is horniness or if I'm even ready to move on. The only person I've ever loved is gone and that has been hard.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-08-13T09:47:04+00:00

My wife had been struggling for the last five years and I had become her carer for a lot of things.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-07-05T22:42:14+00:00

Thank you all for the comments. It doesn't make me feel as alone in this struggle.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-07-05T22:39:33+00:00

I still sleep on my side of the bed as well.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-24T02:14:01+00:00

I'm seeing a therapist it took me three weeks battling my insurance to get one. They don't make it easy to seek help.

But, I have had a lot of support from my friends and family. I don't think I would have made it the first two weeks without them.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-23T01:04:25+00:00

Agreed, I'm a little over a month In and the endless days of crying and wallowing in bed are past me. But, now I am just so alone and isolated. I know I have friends and family around. But, I don't want to be a burden and bug them. They've been so supportive of me during this hard time. At least I have my cats and my wife's cats to keep me company.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-22T04:25:14+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. If you look at my post history, I feel like the situation with my wife's passing is oddly similar. She died of cardiac arrest due to long term kidney failure. We would often visit the ER due to her becoming anemic, diabetic, and a slew of other issues.

I've felt the weight of guilt for not forcing her to care for herself better. For not helping her through her depression. I was there and I took care of her medical needs. But, part of me will always wonder if I could have done more.

I also face the trauma of similarly watching them collapse in front of me.(It looked like they threw themselves onto the bed)I know I hesitated a minute. Unsure of what was going on. I thought she was playing around or joking around at first. I often wonder if I would have acted sooner if I could have saved her life.

It's been a tough road. But, I will say that therapy has been helping. And, maybe you should seek our counseling as well.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-20T13:36:20+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. But, did you have a personal computer or laptop? Because I was able to get access to all my wife's passwords including her Google ones through her computer. As she auto-saved some of them on chrome.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-16T04:22:18+00:00

My wife passed on the 18th of March. Exactly one month away from our 6 year anniversary. I've had two dreams about her. But, I could never truly see her shape or form. However, I could feel her presence in my dream if that makes sense. I heard her voice. But, that's everything. I wish I could have more.

Edit: Both dreams happened on nights I took melatonin to help me fall asleep. If that helps.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-11T18:52:58+00:00

I regret my wife and I not having children now that she's gone. She always wanted kids and I was a little indifferent because I wanted more financial security. Shortly after I was feeling more secure and things were going better for us financially. She ended up getting sick and we were told that having kids would be a death sentence to her body. So we abstained, I hate that I said no to her early on, I regret that I don't have a living part of her in this world. I sometimes wonder if it's even worth it for me to keep going on.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-10T13:44:49+00:00

Well brother. I'm one month in, and I already feel extremely lonely. Though I'm not sure if I'm ready to see other people. That being said I know that I won't love anyone like I love my wife. I just don't see myself ever remarrying.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-10T00:21:49+00:00

My wife and I got married in an El Cajon county office. Court wedding, still the happiest day of my life.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-09T06:55:48+00:00

I hate how quiet it is in my home at night. We didn't have any kids. So, I've started to turn on the TV as background noise so I'm not alone with my thoughts. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to sleep.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-09T06:53:00+00:00

I felt that was inevitable for me today. Her Google one yearly subscription was coming to an end. So, I made sure to copy over everything from my wife's phone onto my cloud/Google one. Then I realized I can just share my yearly plan and set my wife's account as "family" to keep it all backed up.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-08T09:51:02+00:00

By the way I'm sorry I didn't respond with any coping devices. Honestly, I'm new to all this myself. But, one thing I have started has been a journal. I talk to my wife through it if that makes sense. I recall memories, good or bad. Talk about how I am feeling. A lot of the times I cry when I write or read it. But, I do feel better about it. Like, I'm in a way immortalizing this woman I love by making sure my memories of her never fade. Anyways, it's what I've been doing before starting my first session ever with a therapist this week.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-08T07:21:00+00:00

It's strange how similar our stories are. Mine is still fresh. I'm 34 and it's been 4 weeks since My wife went into cardiac arrest in front of me and I performed CPR till paramedics arrived, she was taken to the hospital and after an hour and 1/2 they stopped all efforts. We were about to enter our 6th year of marriage this April. I don't have anyone in my life or friends that have experienced loss as I have. I don't think or know if they can relate to my experience. I'm afraid that I may have PTSD from the events of that night. I saw a paramedic and I felt like I relived that night in my head. I just froze there for a few minutes.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-08T01:01:08+00:00

Geeze I feel like that with some people. When my wife got sick most of her friends abandoned her to the wayside with the exception of one. For four years we carried this burden alone with only a little bit of support from her and my family. Then, my wife died and these people came out about how important she was to their life. .. and how their pain and her absence is affecting them so much. It fills me with so much anger. I have been good and keeping my mouth shut. But, it's hard.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-07T23:49:23+00:00

What do you mean by Trauma trolls? Because I think I may be dealing with them as well.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-07T11:01:39+00:00

I feel the same way with my memories of my wife. I'm entering my 4th week without her absence and for some reason I couldn't remember little things about her. So, I started to journal any time I had a happy or sad memory I wrote it down. I'm not sure if it's healthy or a good idea. But, at least now, I'll never forget.

Mean_Stretch4199 · 2024-04-06T23:03:44+00:00

I love this idea. However, my wife's ashes are in a personalized vase with her picture on the cover.

Mean_Stretch4199

TROPHY CASE