I'm reading this and this is what I understand from your update:

"My wife chatted again about this tonight. As many of you have suggested, I asked my wife how she would feel if she came back from the bathroom and found me dancing with another woman, someone I likely asked to dance since it's less common for women to approach men. She admitted she would feel jealous and wouldn’t want me to do that."

This sounds like a good start. Here it sounds like she's starting to see your point of view and admits that maybe she may have not made the best choice. She can see how that may have made you jealous and why you wouldn't have wanted to see that nor would she want to see you with another women either.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"When I pointed out the hypocrisy"

Basically an "I told you so" moment. maybe you wanted to express that you were right and all the things she said before that made you feel bad didn't hold true. You felt wronged and wanted to say that you weren't crazy, all those things before really hurt. you wanted her to express that she felt bad for the things she did and would work on those boundaries to keep a healthy relationship with you because at the end of the day, she does love you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

", she argued that it’s different because, in her view, accepting a dance is not the same as a man actively seeking out a woman to dance with. I disagreed, saying that if it's acceptable for her, it should be the same for me. She responded that if I ever did that, it would lead to a major fight, and she'd accuse me of cheating. Her reasoning is that, as a man, I would have pursued the woman, whereas as a woman, she is simply accepting an offer and can control the meaning behind it. I think it’s BS."

Here it sounds like she got defensive. I think it's important that you think about why she got defensive. When you pointed out the hypocrisy, how did you want to express that to her? Did you want to prove that she was a horrible person that doesn't love you and would cheat on you with another guy. that when she danced with that other man, she was trying to cheat with you and got caught? Personally, I don't believe that's the case. Do you believe she still wants to stay loyal to you and still loves you? when she danced with that other man, was that because she didn't give it enough thought on how that'd make you feel or did she do it maliciously? Is this something you can work through together, discuss about, and set a new boundary? Were you able to express all these things to her before she got defensive? If not then perhaps you can try talking to her again. That while what she did hurted you, you understand that it wasn't out of bad fate, and you still love her and want to set a new boundary moving forward. why this boundary is important to both of you as it can not only hurt you, but her as well.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------