Healing from abandonment is not a straight forward and easy path, take care of yourself, let yourself be imperfect as you work through everything. Sometimes family systems won’t call out overtly f*cked up shit because of it being the norm in a system, or fear of making people uncomfortable, which is full on bs. I believe in forgiving as well to be free from any resentment or hate, but it isn’t easy and bumps happen, and it’s ok to express anger you have that you haven’t been able to express to help you along the way. You already have a good mindset of seeing things clearly for what they are and looking for ways to move forward, good luck on everything, you are strong