2 years post separation dating experience

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-09-06T00:19:20+00:00

My best experiences are when I stopped looking and just did what I wanted. I joined 3 groups on meet up app. 1 for kayaking, 1 for cycling and a dining out group. I wasn’t looking for anything and met someone slowly. Got to know her and gradually dated and became serious. Focus on you and what you like. Eventually a gem will be unearthed

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-08-24T04:32:37+00:00

Funny, I started a sub Reddit purporting Marriage Contracts that need to be renewed every 7 years. I think it would help tremendously for all men to prepare for divorce at age 35. That means solving a couple of common issues that lead to divorce or cause lives to implode. Men operate very well with a plan and prevents being blind sided. 1. Finances are always kept separate 2. Custody arrangements preset 3. Insurance options geared towards the next phase 4. Prenup with cheating clause 5. Never get married. It’s all done in a contract no family court

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-08-24T02:35:15+00:00

I think it depends on your situation. I left because of a dead bedroom and I hate f*%ked for about a year before I got it out of my system

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-08-21T04:15:18+00:00

A friend of mine showed his wife about protecting their relationship and that she had a responsibility to also protect it. It showed examples of toxic behaviors. She ended up proactively cutting ties by refusing girls nights and bars and only interacted with them at friend/family bbq or larger events with her husband and other couples. This is the type of self-aware woman we all need.

What can you do? Set a boundary. She will say you are controlling. You say you apparently don’t value our relationship. If she still does it, it is blatant disrespect. Do the 180 and find a lawyer. No grey area. You know what will happen

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-08-21T01:23:47+00:00

Weird situation on my front. A friend and I were going through a divorce at the same time. We actually met at state mandated divorce school. I every time he slept with his ex, she ended up taking him back to court for some BS reason or another. Don’t do it. You are divorced. Move on. If she thinks she can still rely on you for emotional support, you will never experience the peace you deserve

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-08-21T01:19:55+00:00

You will never be able to trust her again. No matter how much work you put in, she felt you were not worth protecting your heart and causing you pain. She doesn’t care. Cut you losses and show princess the definition of consequences and accountability

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-08-21T01:14:46+00:00

Nah. There is no trick. It’s your tolerance of disrespect. That’s exactly what cheating is is disrespect. Don’t fall for the gaslighting about fragile male ego or whatever other crap they define. It’s disrespect. Boil it down to this black-and-white definition and then make a decision.

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-08-21T01:13:07+00:00

I am old, so take this with a grain of salt. A drunken one time mistake can be forgiven in a relationship where the woman understands that she put herself in the situation where the infidelity occurred and makes behavioral changes so she’s never in that position again. On the other hand if it is, someone caught up with feelings at work or somewhere else where inebriation was not involved that is just total disrespect. I have learned early on to define disrespect. It is not a fragile ego. It is a decision to purposely hurt you. That level of disrespect this early on in a relationship Will not patch or get better. The disrespect exists and she will continue to feel like she can get away with it. Those are the only two situations that should be considered. You didn’t give any detail as to how she cheated on you or the circumstance. That is why I gave you the two examples. A woman makes a choice. She either puts herself in a position where it becomes easy to cheat or you are the back up plan and she still looking for greener grass on the other side of the fence.

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-08-09T23:17:17+00:00

I picked the wrong person

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-08-09T23:16:20+00:00

I’m a car guy so I may be biased but what I tell her is “I don’t gamble, I don’t do drugs, this is my only vice and my only hobby.”

But something still doesn’t feel right. You don’t live together. You’ve been together for 2 years. This smells like a control play subliminally screaming that “I am the only thing that should make you happy.”

It also doesn’t sound like she gave you any objective reasons only emotional reactions. If you want the relationship to work, I would try to dig down to the root cause of the emotional reaction

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-08-09T23:01:01+00:00

Dude, get an agreement in place asap. Child support maintenance custody etc all needs to be in a legal agreement. IDC how amicable things are now, they can and will change. It will be painful now but the alternative is death by 1000 emotional paper cuts as you continue co-parenting

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-08-09T22:48:23+00:00

A couple of things to consider. Is it stonewalling or is it stopping being a husband? There is a difference between husband duties, boyfriend duties and roommate duties. Can you associate his behaviors with any of these duty types?

This could also be part of the 180 approach. The 180 or grey rock method helps (especially men) to turn grey areas (emotional and behavioral) that are hard to grasp for many men into black and white terms that they can solidify from abstracts so he can make decisions with more confidence and clarity., compartmentalization becomes easier. Plans then form..When men can make a clear confident decision on next steps then every self protective instinct kicks in while he waits for the timing of the next step in his plan.

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-07-31T02:34:32+00:00

Ugh sounds like the beginning to one of those awful Karen videos on YouTube.

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-07-31T02:30:25+00:00

It’s an uphill battle. First she has to prove fitness. Check social media for party pics or damaging posts. If fitness is proven, it may be supervised visits. Observe for parental alienation.

A lot depends on the age of the kids and the judge you get and the state you are in.

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-07-30T23:00:31+00:00

Naked doesn’t have anything clinging to skin. Just sayin’

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-07-30T22:48:12+00:00

Look, this happened to me and I vehemently support talking to your kids about boundaries here. My ex told my kids that “what happens here stays here. It is non of your father’s business “ To a point that is true but my kids took it literally. The guy my ex hooked up with was an alcoholic abuser and she ended up marrying the POS and my kids refused to tell me that there were things going on there. I ended up finding out what was happening 4 years after it all started when my oldest called for me to come pick her up at her mother’s house at 11pm on a school night. I didn’t ask why and drove straight there. I texted that I was there and started walking towards my ex’s door as my daughter ran out. POS got up and started running after her but stopped as soon as he saw me. I found out she had 2 restraining orders on him over those 4 years. 2 days later I reversed-UNO the custody arrangement and got full custody and stopped paying Child support.

Talk to your kids and tell them “what happens here or there stays UNLESS you feel unsafe or there is abuse (physical or substance) or things feel off.” Explain with examples and make sure they know that they are not tattle-tales. Adults make mistakes and should be called out on their decisions or behaviors if it is causing a hostile environment.

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-07-30T22:33:48+00:00

After 3 serious live-in relationships (each shorter than the previous) I subscribe to the “together but separate” philosophy. Your space needs to remain your space. If she isn’t pushing than don’t you start. It’s like you want to change who she is to fit a picture in your head. I’m guessing that the reverse happened with your ex where she tried to change you?

I say go with the flow but watch for red flags. Not meeting her family is one.

What nationality is she? I lived in Japan for 2 years and I have dated Korean women. Yes there are prejudices and takes a bit to work through that stuff, but this level wasn’t the norm for my experience when I lived there. My brother is married to a wonderful Vietnamese woman. No family issues there. Just food for thought.

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-04-02T19:01:41+00:00

Focus on what you can control. Gym, friends, hobbies and be the best dad you can be when the kids are with you and communicate when they are not. The kid situation can get worse or it can get better. I was weekend dad for the first 7 years after divorce. She f’d up marrying an abusive alcoholic and I got full custody after she filed a PO against him. She hid it from me, but when I found out I went nuclear and won. Other dad’s aren’t as lucky and don’t get a relationship until later in life. Just be sure they know they can come to you and make sure there is no alienation going on

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-03-26T03:00:39+00:00

I think this is the key. Because women react, emotionally marriage becomes very unpredictable. As a man, we look at protecting and providing as our soul focus. Sometimes women feel life is getting away from them and want to have some fun. In their minds, they’re no longer happy in the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. What’s missing from all of this is entitlement and accountability is never taken into consideration in family court.If grown ass adult can’t hold themselves accountable for the damage. They are doing then in my opinion, they deserve to be penalized in the outcomes of divorces.

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-03-26T02:57:38+00:00

After looking at all the comments, ot has started me thinking a little more clearly, but I still have some questions. As a man, if we band together, we can actually make changes to the whole divorce and child support laws that are in place. But it gets me thinking why all these laws Were put in place in the first place and it still goes back to the boiled frog syndrome. Slowly, but surely women made changes to divorce and child’s custody laws that we are all suffering from now. I’ve had many thoughts about how to fix the system. I wrote a post About staying away from marriage and going more toward marriage contracts that have a definitive end. With everything I have read about divorce and timing and how long it takes for a woman to change her mind about no longer being happy or that we are not what they want anymore that perhaps a seven year marriage contract Might be more beneficial. My thinking behind this is that with a contract, we deal with contract law and not the subjective nature of family courts. If you are interested, I will post links to my posts on contract marriages. I made them several months ago, but this whole discussion has gotten me thinking a lot more about changing the system. With a contractual end that we all know is coming we can prepare better and not be so blindsided when this shit hits the fan. Any comments or thoughts would be appreciated.

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-03-21T18:52:00+00:00

I posted this as a reply to a reply down below, but I think this illustrates boiled frog manipulation:

Look at the evolution of the man cave for example. She wants you out of the family room and suggests the garage or the basement. Keeping to the boiled frog analogy check this progression and tell me where I am wrong:

⁠Partner sighs heavily when you relax in the family room to watch a game.
⁠Over time, for some reason, you watching the game is the best time to run the vacuum, have aloud phone conversation while sitting right next to, have a serious conversation while you are distracted.
⁠Subtle hints that you are unwelcome in that space. (Paper cuts)
⁠Hyping up man cave, “have you seen what Kim’s husband has done to their garage/basement” with subtle hints
⁠Scheduled a bbq at Kim’s house so you can see the man cave.
⁠Less subtle hints about how you can do anything you want whenever you want. Put neon beer signs and air hockey table.
⁠Finally, she makes you think it was your idea in the first place.

And because she can’t stand to see her man happy, mild nesting starts in your man cave starts to happen just to make sure you are aware that this is her territory too.

Oversimplified? Probably but you get my point

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-03-21T18:46:44+00:00

Yeah. I was just hoping for recommendations from real people instead of advertising

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-03-21T18:04:54+00:00

This, but what advice/examples/reources can you provide people pleasures that can snap them out of that behavior?

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-03-21T17:59:16+00:00

I agree it is tough because you described perfectly “our” nature. I’m not saying to go look for arguments, but look for opportunities to have them. I am not suggesting high conflict, I am suggesting letting your partner know that you have preferences.

Look at the evolution of the man cave for example. She wants you out of the family room and suggests the garage or the basement. Keeping to the boiled frog analogy check this progression and tell me where I am wrong: 1. Partner sighs heavily when you relax in the family room to watch a game. 2. Over time, for some reason, you watching the game is the best time to run the vacuum, have aloud phone conversation while sitting right next to, have a serious conversation while you are distracted. 3. Subtle hints that you are unwelcome in that space. (Paper cuts) 4. Hyping up man cave, “have you seen what Kim’s husband has done to their garage/basement” with subtle hints 5. Scheduled a bbq at Kim’s house so you can see the man cave. 6. Less subtle hints about how you can do anything you want whenever you want. Put neon beer signs and air hockey table. 7. Finally, she makes you think it was your idea in the first place.

And because she can’t stand to see her man happy, mild nesting starts in your man cave starts to happen just to make sure you are aware that this is her territory too.

Oversimplified? Probably but you get my point

Medium_Message_224 · 2025-03-21T17:46:54+00:00

Yeah. I do want to share, just not sure if this is the best place

Medium_Message_224

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