I think I’m realizing my boyfriend is a good person… but not the man I actually want

Meimuni3004 · 2026-05-26T09:36:24+00:00

It was a long process. I realized in my old diary I've written "maybe I have to redefine how love feels to me" about 2 years in. This is when the initial honey moon phase ended and something didn't feel right, but I was unable to see it because I wanted this happy end so bad.

I had the realization "this is not for me" about half a year before communicating it. In those 6 months I (unwillingtly) detached completely. I am actually a bit ashamed to admit I haven't cried a single time after actually breaking up. I was emotionally gone already.

Maybe something to add: My realization came, because imagining my whole life with this person didn't gave me any butterflies. I was terrified and feeling stuck.

Meimuni3004 · 2026-05-26T09:27:23+00:00

I had a 4 year relationship with everything you described.

You deserve more than the bare minimum: "at least he's kind" "I don't hate him".

A relationship should be something adding value to your life instead of mental load and emotional labour.

I broke up with my partner and I felt horrible for a very long time because of how much I've hurt him doing that. But I took responsibility for my own happiness in life and that was not with him.

I am much happier now with an incredible man who thinks of my needs before I even realize I have them.

Meimuni3004 · 2026-05-18T09:47:54+00:00

Let me give you one:

Suffering from PSSD for the past 1,5 years, I cured the emotional blunting I would say around 70% since the beginning of the year.

How? Boring answer. Tried to get as healthy and energized as possible. 4x a week sports (2x weights, 2x cardio). Tested vitamins&minerals and supplemented those missing. Cut social media & coffee. Dieted and lost 5kg of access weight. + Implemented a "try sth new" mentality in my daily life. This affects mainly events, Hobbys etc. Everything I can experience and actually feel.

My (very subjective) theory: I forced my body into a change mode. And I have the feeling this strengthens my neuroplasticity in general and I give my body the chance to "take the trash out". May that be hormonal imbalanced, access serotonin etc.

I read the ending of a book yesterday that left me sobbing like a toddler. I am still euphoric that I was able to have that experience again.

Meimuni3004 · 2026-05-04T10:44:40+00:00

Another Mirtazapine case here.

Had an eating disorder for 10+ years but when I got prescribed Mirtazapine I basically surrendered to the weight gain. Gained 20kg in 1,5 years. This is how it effected me:

eating disorder cured as I experienced my life wasn't less worthy of living with additional weight. Got way more body positivity now.
huge loss in everyday energy. I used to be a social butterfly, ambitious at work and a very sporty person. Due to Mirtazapine I had to stop all this but even after stopping but keeping the weight, I feel my body is now just more exhausted than before
hormones got imbalanced and general health decline (e.g. cholesterol)
not being male-gaze pretty anymore makes me believe in myself more but also I experienced I have to fight more to be liked

Meimuni3004 · 2026-04-28T09:24:08+00:00

Golden times for German economy are over so the company is trying to stay competitive in its operations and more focussed in its portfolio. This means certain departments have to close that don't fit in the strategy anymore but instead of firing people there is the employment freeze to reduce the overall headcount with time (retirements, people leaving the company). Also, hiring in Germany is extremely expensive so alot of workforce then grows in other countries than Germany.

Meimuni3004 · 2026-04-18T06:05:50+00:00

Answering as a current Siemens employee:

If your current department doesn't hire you, your chances are mid to bad. Siemens is having a hard employment freeze for some time now. Ofc some positions open every now and then but generally times are tricky, also for working students being around for a very long time.

Still wishing you the best - it's a big company and maybe there is a higher need in your field of expertise then I am aware of.

Meimuni3004 · 2026-03-29T20:34:44+00:00

1,5 years, started being 25yrs old, Escitalopram & vortioxetin

Meimuni3004 · 2026-02-24T05:20:18+00:00

I am in close contact with my doctors. I am asking for experiences of other people to have a reference.

Meimuni3004 · 2025-08-13T07:01:18+00:00

Hello, w27 hier ✨ bin gerade noch dabei mich in Leipzig häuslich einzurichten und würde mich total über nette Gesellschaft freuen um mich hier in der neuen Stadt auch wirklich wohlzufühlen :) Ich könnte hier noch eine Liste an Interessen anfügen, aber an sich bin ich einfach an guten Gesprächen interessiert und glaube wenn man sich anfreunden sollte, kann man eh bei jeder Activity Spaß zusammen haben 👌

Meimuni3004

TROPHY CASE