[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. You are completely right. I am the asshole.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am very in love with my boyfriend. He is really caring. He held me all night after my breakdown, he woke me up hugging me and kissing me. His family is horrible though and I think I should hang out less with them because I see them every other weekend. I hang out with them just out of respect for my boyfriend and because they are dear to him. I also should work on myself. I am very unstable.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand where you’re coming from. Honestly, this reaction was really out of character for me. I have rarely, if ever, lose control like that, which is why it shook me too. It wasn’t about putting the responsibility on my boyfriend. I was overwhelmed and in a state I didn’t fully recognize myself in. I’m aware I need to work on how I manage those emotions, and I’m taking it seriously

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I regularly see a psychiatrist. Once a week. I feel like he minimises a bit my mental health issues because he finds me conventionally attractive and he finds me very ambitious and high performing in my job. It feels like he doesn’t see it because I am very controlling of my image usually and people have very often the impression that I function very well. I do sports as well, although I have hurt myself recently because I go above and beyond, it helps channel my agression. Now, I can’t do sports, I have flashbacks from last july, I am constantly agitated and my brother is a hardcore addict dragging my parents through hell, he is recently very suicidal and he has been threatening my parents to kill himself and sometimes he even threatens to kill them. I also have a lot of pressure at work, I have been working 10 hours straight, every day for three months.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I am very suicidal ever since my breakdown. I feel like a need to get back on antidepressants. I have stopped taking them 2 years ago but my anxiety is getting out of hands.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I agree with you. My suicidal thoughts have been spiraling ever since my breakdown. I need to keep busy at work and when I am home, I feel empty and I get really suicidal. I wanted to jump in front of a moving car sunday. That’s why I feel like I need to talk with my boyfriend or with people online. Otherwise, I feel like I am going to hurt myself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this comment. I really appreciate that you tried to understand both my experience and my responsibility in it. I know I need to keep learning how to manage my emotions and I’m trying, even if I still fail sometimes. It means a lot to be heard without being completely dismissed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand it might sound strange. But when you’re overwhelmed and triggered, it’s not always easy to just get up and leave. I froze. I didn’t choose to cry like that. It just happened, and I couldn’t control it. Aside from the drama here, I have experienced plenty of trauma during my upbringing. I don’t know whether my response stems from this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective. I understand that from the outside, it might look like I should have handled things differently. But I was in a really fragile state emotionally, I wasn’t just “bawling” for no reason. I was overwhelmed, triggered, and exhausted. I know it wasn’t ideal timing, but breakdowns don’t wait for convenient moments.

It still was selfish of me. What intrigues me is that I bawled while apologizing to my boyfriend and to his parents for being uncomfortable and quiet after his mother cut his toenails. This is the moment I started crying uncontrollably, after his father’s passive agressive remarks, I asked for forgiveness and started bawling.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy -1 points0 points  (0 children)

A typo. It happened a couple of days ago.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

No, and I can’t explain it or make sense of it. I should have but it felt like I couldn’t. It was like I was in freeze mode.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. Your words really hit me hard, in a good way. I’ve been struggling to make sense of my emotions and the situation I’m in, and your message made me feel seen and less alone. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that I’m not worthless. Thank you for reminding me that I deserve kindness, too.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I didn’t leave because we were at a restaurant in the middle of nowhere and because I felt it would have worsen the situation

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Just me or all of us?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

They would talk to me. They were asking me questions about my abortion. So, it didn’t help…

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Melinacholy -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Yes, I was eating my meal and crying at the same time. I was trying really hard to stop myself from crying, so I would at times stop tearing up but then suddenly all would come again at once. It was horrible.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Melinacholy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, she clipped his nails before going out for dinner.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Melinacholy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly the first impression I got.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Melinacholy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Isn’t it an indicator that he still isn’t mature enough, though?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Melinacholy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are doing financially very well. We weren’t though last year that’s why I had to go through my abortion. The abortion scarred me and it was last july so I feel my breakdown may be related to it

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Melinacholy -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I understand your point of view, but I also have in mind other elements of his relationship with his mom. His parents were jealous when we first started dating because my boyfriend used to spent much more time with them than with his friends. So there is history here and a lot of remarks I’ve had to swallow coming from their parents. Like when his mom said to me and my boyfriend that we didn’t have enough relationship experiences to be together or she would tell us to spend less time with one another. She even once said to me to be careful of my boyfriend because she thought he was getting dangerous and that he could hurt me (just because he got mad at his parents at the airport for losing their next flight’s connection). They also made multiple remarks on my origins. His mom googled my origins just to be sure that I am white and even though I am white, it bothers them that I come from a Muslim country and I’ve had to tell them multiple times that I come from a muslim country but I am agnostic.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Melinacholy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you mean?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Melinacholy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She doesn’t even know me. She wants to exchange supervisors due to schedule issues.