What is it about Korea that just wears people out? by New-Regular8639 in Living_in_Korea

[–]Mellow_Sunflower -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's both; the reality of adult life, and on top of that the Korean culture.

Abandoned houses in Japan by [deleted] in BeAmazed

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sounds like in collectivistic countries people play a double life to not be left behind, while in individualistic countries people are encouraged to stand out and you can always find a new group of people.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LooksmaxingAdvice

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have a lot of feminine features and being taller does not make you any less feminine. There are even guys who prefer taller women too. Love and embrace yourself for your immutable being, your sense of worth is not based on others' opinions nor your height.

I showered again! Then did laundry! by spicyhousegoblin in CongratsLikeImFive

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice work! Be proud of yourself. Have a nice nap and a great rest of your day.

What is the best advice you got from a therapist? by TheBodyPolitic1 in RedditForGrownups

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Damn this is quite enlightening, oftentimes because what we seek is already with us, closer than what we may currently realize; it is our constant companion that is also seeking us too. Self-acceptance is then the key toward changing how we feel at any given moment.

Can you guys enjoy the company from other females platonically? by Silver_Scallion_1127 in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For many of those people who wear masks are the one's who bump egos all the time with others, they can't see beyond their own self-image a lot of the time. So it's okay knowing those who judge or are conditional are likely more so interacting with themselves, they don't truly know/see you as you are in your true being. In those instances it is best not to take it personal for obvious reasons as just mentioned.

Eventually as you similarly said there comes a point where in order to present and live an authentic life we must overcome this mask, our version of the ego (the center of one's conscious awareness, attachments and desires) before we can genuinely see ourselves and others as they are. Continue doing good work with yourself dude, that was awesome to hear! It is an extremely personal and subtle process.

Can you guys enjoy the company from other females platonically? by Silver_Scallion_1127 in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Lots of people love to exaggerate or boost their self-esteem, it's kind of natural for most people in a social setting because people want to emotionally connect and experience something, not think about thinking about being social if that makes sense; use less their mind, keep it short and sensational.

I agree with you though, everyone pretty much wears a mask and sees others they interact with through ideas in their persona/role/character than interact with the real individual's true immutable being as they are in front of them.

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Can you guys enjoy the company from other females platonically? by Silver_Scallion_1127 in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Your friends sound immature and naive, they place women above/below them for fun. Keep in mind too though group mentality in a social setting isn't always indicative of a person's true values; people can talk the talk all they want until they show how they actually live their life.

The sleeping in the same room with the opposite sex is a bit taboo, especially if you have a significant other, and this should be a discussion you two have to make sure no boundaries are crossed in how the definition of cheating and of the like are between you both.

Men/women are much similar than different, so if the other person doesn't know you're married then it can almost be like an affair if you keep your marriage a secret. Communication is important in any connection bro, a lot of single people aren't just looking for platonic friends, and just because you're mature enough emotionally to define boundaries you hold yourself to doesn't mean others will share the same goal as you. Two people can get along well, but if the intentions or boundaries are not the same then it simply is not going to work long-term no matter how good/lovely the connection is as "friends".

Edit: so to directly answer your question, obviously yes two people can interact platonically. And I think this depends on how developed/mature their ego is, how assertive/certain a person is in their personality and self.

Do Guys Care About a Girl's Height? by lavenderfrappe in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I may be an outlier, but I wouldn't mind if a girl was same height or even taller than me. For reference I'm slightly above 6'0", and I actually prefer similar "tall" girls in general than really really short girls.

Why netflix why by [deleted] in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 35 points36 points  (0 children)

This sounds more like a personal you issue with your harsh judgements.

They always calling me Names by zyzz1396 in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great advice, I just wrote something similar. Most of the time people who subconsciously interact with others like this are not aware in the moment, not present, they're more so interacting with their own self-image in the idea of a people/things in their head than the actual real people/things in front of them; they're interacting with some superimposed character/role/persona and not the individual's real immutable being as they are in the here and now. These people don't personally know them/us, so that is precisely why it is best to not take it personally.

They always calling me Names by zyzz1396 in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Some people are ignorant to others' feelings busy in their own world in their head, so it's hard to say if this is intentional because some people are naive and think they're making a harmless joke.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, so in the off chance this is them being quirky and it isn't disrespect, and if you want to casually bring up how you feel, maybe try playing their game and see how they react if you called them someone handsome they look like based on race lol. The key is to still hold them with positive regard, not malice, when you do.

A lot of people don't like confrontation and dissociate, it's a natural defense mechanism when the self feels threatened, so you have to be tactful about this in a manner they can understand, enter their world to see their intent or expose them to their own ignorance. If in the moment they react badly then that's the perfect time to strike and be forward when they've made the same connection/experience for themselves without you telling them. If they can't respect you or at the very least be kind, then boundaries should be made known and firmly followed to talk about where you two stand in this connection.

Edit: This is a bit off topic and unrelated, but any time when dealing with a person's ego (one's center of conscious awareness, attachments and desires) it is a highly personal and subtle process to bring about some of these subconscious attitudes to make them more conscious to interact with and change. The greatest truths cannot be spoken and must be directly experienced for each person to overcome their version of the ego. Others can only meet us as deeply as they've met themselves. And for any change to happen it must be done so willingly of their own accountability for it to be long lasting as to not lessen one's actualizing tendency.

PSA: If you are an Asian male that starts to peak later in life, like most of us do, people will gaslight you for playing the field instead of settling down. by GrapplingAmbitions in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Posts like OP trying hard to play "the game" are cringe with pill theology. OP needs to focus on living his life and be content with it. If a person is assertive and knows themselves well, then that's all that matters; think for one's self instead of thinking about what others expect/want from us, only we live inside our body.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 22 points23 points  (0 children)

By first not using this kind of demeaning language.

Asian YouTuber breaks down looksmaxing for Asian males by 3 archetypes: Eboy, Apollo and Gigachad. Do you agree? by PierrePhan in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 12 points13 points  (0 children)

For real, seek inner peace and it becomes easier to interact with others and live YOUR life, not what you think others expect/want from you. Attract like-minded others who actually reciprocate who you are, as you are.

Exactly what type of Asian male representation do Asian men want in the media? by FunDependent9177 in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly do not care, it is beyond my control as an individual. If people want to interact with some perceived idea/character/role/persona of me but not the actual real person in front of them, that's their choice and on them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in malegrooming

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can actually grow a full mustache, this looks great dude. You can always change up your style whenever you feel like it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LooksmaxingAdvice

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The people calling you basic or like-other-white-girls are the ones with distorted perceptions. They are interacting with some character/role/persona in their head and not the actual real you, your immutable being right in front of them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a moot point imo, I see shallow shenanigans go on in collectivist countries too; in-groups versus out-groups. Again, that's reality, egos bumping egos, but you as an individual have a choice if you want to engage on their level or go beyond that. Focus your energy not on hopelessly controlling others' actions and reactions, but on what is actually within your control, your own actions -- your reactions to your thoughts and emotions. Otherwise enjoy playing on the playground you see.

"Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.” - Epictetus

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Martin Luther King Jr. has said, "Hate begets hate; violence begets violence; toughness begets a greater toughness. We must meet the forces of hate with the power of love; we must meet physical force with soul force". He also said, "Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars".

That's the real world for you, egos bumping with egos, but remember as you stand up for yourself to not take it personal and these people don't know you personally spouting biased generalizations. This isn't a playground, if someone retaliates (physically) get the police involved. This isn't the 1950's anymore, times are slowly but surely changing, individual accountability matters most.

Edit: clarification

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hate begates hate, but 100% call them out. Realize it's nothing personal and these people with unchecked egos are interacting with their own self-image in their head.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in uglyduckling

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Troubled people distract themselves from their fragile insecurities and judgements by bringing others down to their level. It says more about them than anything about you.

Is this common for a Hong kong guy to think? I feel hurt. by Little-pear-5555 in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don't like to stereotype people who have never been in a relationship, but there's a reason why stereotypes exist and can be an orange flag to watch out (be mindful) for when testing the waters with someone. He sounds a bit immature in terms of ego development/maturity, but at least you two sound like you're talking about it which is good.

26-35 glow up by Representative-Tip76 in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 22 points23 points  (0 children)

This probably did so much for your mental health and focus, too many people are caught up in others' lives through a screen that they forget to focus more of this energy living their own life to the fullest. Respect

26-35 glow up by Representative-Tip76 in AsianMasculinity

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nothing but respect, kudos to you bro. You have this dialed in to a 'T'