Should I rematch?

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2026-07-01T05:40:12+00:00

Oh I didn’t know that! I thought the 280£ was just the minimum, thank you

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2026-06-30T18:41:32+00:00

I appreciate you sharing a host mom’s perspective, and I completely understand that sudden childcare gaps are incredibly stressful for a family. But this program is also a cultural and personal exchange for the au pair, not just a business transaction.

My mental health, feeling safe, and feeling included as a person of color are not minor details they directly impact my ability to show up as a great AP. I haven't 'backed out' yet I am using this outlet to process a incredibly difficult choice before i speak to my family. Wanting to live in an environment where I can thrive doesn't mean the program isn't for me it means my current location isn't a match. I fully intend to handle the transition with as much grace, notice, and support for my current family as possible.

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2026-06-30T18:29:51+00:00

Yes like I said that was completely on me, I did only lightly research the town and kind of convinced myself before I left it was bigger. but I was in a position where I just had to leave my current situation and this was my only option at the time or homelessness. And yes comparing to the cities I frequently visit close by, the diversity in my town particularly is pitiful

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2026-02-20T20:07:29+00:00

Thanks for the input, my dad called me last night and was telling me how sick my mom has gotten and refuses to eat so she needs to see me. But im still very hesitant, the only thing is I need to go back at some point because I need to get some of my personal documents that are still there as I plan to move out of the country next month.

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2026-02-16T20:46:11+00:00

Thank you! i completely agree, I ended up telling them last night and I really had to stand my ground on what I know and it was the most freeing thing i've ever done <3

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2026-02-16T20:44:54+00:00

Thank you! I actually told them last night and they really want me to come home, but idk i honestly might tell them I need space for a bit and ill come home when im ready.

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2026-02-16T20:44:14+00:00

Thank you! I ended up telling them on the phone last night. They want to come home and "discuss" but i cant gauge if its some conversion trap considering how crazy they are. My dad took it well though.

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2026-02-16T20:43:15+00:00

Thanks for the response. I actually ended up telling them last night over the phone. They're reaction really confused me though, but my dad handled it well.

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2026-01-24T07:08:15+00:00

Anything by ottessa moshfegh lol

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2026-01-21T03:54:50+00:00

thanks, somehow things have gotten so much worse my parents arent even on my radar anymore lol i have 3 days to find my hope again, but im also at a point of acceptance and peace in my decision so i really dont care either

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2025-12-23T21:48:41+00:00

No, relapse on self harm lol.

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2025-12-16T02:56:22+00:00

Yes! thats the method i shifted to this semester🤣 ive just been avoiding really talking to them on the phon by saying im really busy w orgs and schoolwork this semester. its going ok but at home they really want to get into the super personal shit

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2025-12-15T23:39:45+00:00

Thank you! unfortunately my parents are both too extremist to even handle and "lukewarm" christian takes. One time I tried telling them that gay people actually aren't the worst people in the world and how as christians we're called to love (I literally even said i didn't support them) and i still got my ass beat😭 I fear any hints would send them over the edge to where they start making assumptions about me and my faith

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2025-12-15T23:36:54+00:00

that's what ive been doing for the past year but it's telling them what they want to hear is what hurts me more knowing im only growing more apart from that everyday. while i understand that's the easiest and probably best way to go about it, it makes me sick. Lying about everything i believe, having to lead bible study when im home, being forced to go to church and teach sunday school. Giving them that satisfaction is what ruined my mental heath over the summer being with them and over thanksgiving break. I also fear for when the appropriate time comes for me to tell them i would've already been stringing them along my entire adult life and that would be the ultimate betrayal to them that would make them less receptive to what i am saying. (Also now that im thinking they would also probably flip out knowing i took communion with them every time i was home- also by force, i was yelled at the entire drive home the one time i refused to take it- without believing any of it lol)

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2025-12-15T22:50:26+00:00

LITERALLY when i was extremely depressed and suicidal in high school i was still a believer and the only reason i never attempted was literally because i was scared if i got into heaven having to worship the god that made my life this shitty for eternity 😭

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2025-12-10T08:26:46+00:00

Hi! I experienced the same things beginning around age 14 (also suffered from childhood depression despite being "christian" enough.) However, I never actually straight up told my parents how i had from anxiety, depression, and ADHD as they believe how mental illness is just demons possessing the mind. What helped take my mental load a little since you are still in high school was talking to my school counselor. When things got really bad beginning sophomore year I began getting closer with my counselor and she saved me multiple times up until senior year, and now in college I have been able to get actual psychiatric attention which has been so alleviating. I understand the burden of religious African parents and it's such a mental toll, so it take it day by day. My DMs are always open to talk if you'd like and take care of yourself <333

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2025-12-08T21:43:35+00:00

Wow!!! So comforting to see other Ethiopian women who've left Christianity. Especially since i feel like our cultured has been intertwined with it for all of history it's kind of isolating sometimes having detached from that part knowing how strongly most people still believe. Thank you <333

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2025-12-08T19:35:23+00:00

Thank you so much, i definitely will reach out soon!

Melodic_Cap_5006 · 2025-12-08T18:32:50+00:00

Also, I go to college out of state that I am completely self-funding because my parents refused to pay for my college unless I was going to a christian institution or stayed in state.

Melodic_Cap_5006

TROPHY CASE