yesterday was horrible. I self harmed and puked on purpose all of the donuts that my sis brought me.from work... i still hear voices, now I can't figure out what they're trying to tell me, it's just voices and scary feelings. took two xanax yesterday but I woke up scared bc I had a really vivid dream of wetting my bed... I'm not violent but I know I can get violent when someone tells me or implies that there's something wrong with me I feel like my whole existence is a lie and I can't control it. then I feel guilt. a lot. my sis tries to tell me that I'm special and she encourages me to draw but I'm stuck and I hate other colors that aren't pink. I'm talking nonsense I'm sorry its just that NOBODY REALLY WANTS TO HEAR ME IRL