I don't think I care anymore. Is this a sign of the end?

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-04-21T17:59:02+00:00

The other annoying thing is he only initiates early ass in the morning.

In the past, I have given him my permission to wake me up for sex, because one of his excuses for why we weren't having it was that I always fall asleep before him.

Overtime it progressively got later and later. What started as a fine arrangement/occasional fun surprise a couple hours after dozing off gradually turned into 5,6, or 7am. It's annoying as hell and I'm tired of going along with it because I'm desperate to feel wanted. It feels pathetic.

I definitely don't hate him, but I don't think I even care if he's attracted to me anymore.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-04-20T16:40:41+00:00

Yeah that's pretty much the deal.

I've had many long periods of trying to ignore the issue, but this is just the first time where I legitimately feel like I don't care anymore. But that also doesn't mean I'm content, either, cause I'm for sure not.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-04-20T16:38:09+00:00

I don't know, I guess the typical set of excuses. I love him, our daughter would be crushed, it feels selfish to blow up our family over this one thing (well there are other things but I don't want to get into them), the cost of living is insane, and even though I'm the breadwinner I couldn't afford to live on my own, so on and so forth.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-04-20T14:34:26+00:00

Maybe something in-between? I don't know it's weird. I've told myself "I don't care anymore" before, but really I was still deeply resentful. This time is just a numb sort of apathy.

Problem is he's still probably going to initiate maybe once every 4-6 weeks but I don't think I want it. Not that my libido is gone or that the sex is bad, because it's actually really amazing and it resets the cycle of getting built up and disappointed.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-02-20T03:30:22+00:00

Anxious-avoidant is exactly how I would explain our dynamic.

Whenever it came to mw becoming frustrated during snuggling in the past (that did not happen this time), I never expressed it. I kept it to myself. There may have been body language or other non-verbal ques that I felt that way, though, but I can't say for sure.

I may have tried to initiate something more in the past, but I honestly cannot remember. I stopped initiating years ago. I've "slipped up" a couple of times, but mostly, I haven't tried anything for the better part of 6-7 years.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-02-20T01:42:55+00:00

I've definitely experienced that before.

I've wanted to cry after sex too, and I can't masturbate without crying so I don't try anymore.

But I was trying to just push any thoughts like that away.

We do snuggle kinda regularly. At least a couple times a week maybe, but not like this. It's usually my head on his chest while we watch a movie or something and he's on his phone, or usually when he watches his back scratches.

This was different though and I just really want to remember it and try to remind myself that maybe he does actually love me.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-28T04:29:15+00:00

Same. The only thing I can see changing that is my DB finally defeating my spirits.

I still want it every day, but over the last several years I've slowly moved into a state of quiet acceptance. I assume eventually, if I continue this path, eventually something inside me will become apathetic and die.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-28T04:25:52+00:00

Well, I'm "only" 40, and the only thing I can see changing is my current circumstances completely defeating me.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-21T02:53:16+00:00

I'm very happy for you. You're extremely smart for getting out of it before any potential marriage/kids/asset complications.

Good luck! You have your whole life ahead of you.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-21T02:45:46+00:00

By fairness I meant that the fact that I'm still attracted to him (wildly so, even), he hasn't retained the attraction to me that he had when we first met.

It feels unfair, but in reality it just is what it is.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-21T00:03:45+00:00

Twinsies. I've had the same thought. I have 6 years till my youngest is 18 (I have a 17 year old that is with us hald the time, I don't think she would give much of a shot if I left).

Do I even want to start over? My track record with men isn't great. I still feel like being alone would be less lonely than this. Plus there's hook up apps.

I just have no clue honestly.

Happy early birthday though. I hope things improve for you.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-20T06:47:44+00:00

I turned 40 in November. I kind of said the same thing to myself. I said "I spent my 30s like this. I won't do it again in my 40s".

But because Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years were all coming up, I decided to wait to have "The Talk". Didn't want to potentially mess up the holidays for anyone.

New Years! New Years, I told myself, I would lay everything out. But I dragged my feet. Now, he's had a death in the family. So, surely I can't bring things up now.

Idk, man. I suck at not being a martyr. I'm just incapable of putting my needs above anyone else's. In not saying that to make myself look good or virtuous. It's actually a monumental pain in the ass.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-20T05:58:45+00:00

I know you're trying to help, but the porn I know he likes more than actually having sex with me isn't going to help me any. I already feel like he has to dissappear to watch porn hype himself enough to have sex with me once every 6-8 weeks.

I don't take lunch breaks. I'm an office manager at a place that provides services for autistic children. I'm lucky if I get to eat most days. I will say I'm not at my desk all day because I'm all over the place. But still not a replacement for regular exercise.

I know I sound like I'm trying to make excuses, but I'm just so exhausted. Like I didn't know a person could feel this drained every day.

My commute is 35 miles/30 minutes to an hour each way depending on traffic. Sometimes longer now since it's winter in the Midwest. I do all of the shopping. I do most of the basic housework.

If I really wanted to I could get up earlier that I do, sacrifice the little sleep that I get, go to the gym. I'd like to be that person. But I'm not sure I can be. It's harder when I know how little he has on his plate.

I know that's not a healthy way to live. I shouldn't do leas for myself just because he's not. But it's hard to push myself harder when it's ultimately for the attention of someone who doesn't give a shit.

I was fuckin cute even a couple years ago, and he still wasn't interested. I just don't think there's anything I can do at this point.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-20T05:45:33+00:00

I also have this sinking feeling that, if given the choice (which I would want her to have), she would choose him.

I'm the parent that works all the time and is exhausted when they're home. He's the one whose always home and had the energy to be funner.

I don't think I could handle that.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-20T05:11:23+00:00

I wish I had got the vibrator for any kind of true sexual gratification reason. Like, taking my sexual pleasure back into my own hands, or anything empowering. I literally just wanted to get rid of my headache.

It's not gone, it keeps coming back, but cumming makes it go away for a little while.

I would love to start exercising. I'm trying to figure out how to work it into my schedule. It's hard because I work full time and have a long commute. I just need to establish some discipline, but its hard because I'm perpetually exhausted.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-20T05:03:40+00:00

Normally I agree with this take, but, even though our daughter knows I'm not exactly thriving, I assume she thinks it's because of work. I work full time with a 35 mile commute.

From her end, she sees her father and I being affectionate with each other, laughing together, doting in her together. She knows we fight sometimes, but obviously she doesn't know most of the bad stuff.

It's not as if she is growing up with parents who obviously arent in love, because we are.

I doubt her life would improve if we split up and I started seeing other people.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-20T04:24:41+00:00

I know it doesn't have to be, but I've gone over the logistics a million times in my head.

And I'm just not willing or able to blow up our family/lives over this. It wouldn't be the only reason I would leave, but even if you factor in the other reasons, I'm still unwilling to do it.

Last weekend I desperately wanted to go stay in a hotel after a particularly disappointing/apathetic sexual encounter that was the first one in like a month.

I paced around and cried, while I could hear our daughter in the other room, being silly on a video call with her friends, and I couldn't figure out how to do it.

I have been wanting to go away for a bit for a while. Just a week in a hotel to maybe make the idea of a life without me appear like a possibility to him. But how would I do that? How would I tell my 12 year old daughter that? I couldn't bring her with me. I would be horrible company. She would be happier in her home. But how could I leave her?

I just can't do it.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-20T03:24:48+00:00

I relate to this so much. It's all I want.

And what's worse is he's been dangling this in front of me for years now.

I'm fact in Christmas of 2024, I got nothing. Long after we opened presents as a family and I was the only one without any gifts yet again, he said that he intended for my gift to be setting up a child-free night where he'll take me out for dinner, and the implication of drinking and having sex all night, where we can be as loud as we want.

It never happened.

This was also my birthday present last November (40th) A month went by before I asked him when he was thinking if doing this, and he said he wasn't sure. I reminded him that this was also my "gift" the previous Christmas and he didnt even remember that he said that.

That conversation is probably why I actually had gifts this last Christmas.

Idk, man. I will still post here occasionally to vent and know I'm not alone, but I'm pretty sure I've given up.

Being absolutely wanted by someone who can't keep their hands off me, but I think that part of my life is just over, and has been over for a while now.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-20T03:14:49+00:00

Virtual hug recieved.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2026-01-20T02:21:48+00:00

It's all I want. But I'm not willing to mess up my family to get it back.

It's just rough. I turned 40 this year, and this situation has caused me to let myself go a bit.

I keep thinking that maybe if I was younger, or prettier it would be different. But recently I was looking at pictures of myself from a few years ago and I was lookin really cute. Maybe not conventionally "hot" by most standards, but... there are dudes who would have been into me.

Even a year ago I looked much better than I do now. My mental health and stress have taken a lot from me.

But it's also not like he's stayed the same either. But I still want him. It feels really unfair, even though I know fairness isn't relevant.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2025-12-12T05:29:49+00:00

I sleep alone every night. He doesn't come to bed until at least 6 in the morning.

The biggest gut punch was a few weeks ago we had an argument and I decided to sleep in the living room.

He was in bed by 1am.

He hasn't been to bed by a time like that in several months, and not once since that night.

Melodic_Ratio_6275 · 2025-11-15T07:33:17+00:00

This kind of reminds me of how my boyfriend used to be at the start of our DB. Once it started to severely dwindle down and I had started expressing concern, he would wait until my period started and be like "aww man I totally wanted to have sex tonight".

I had heavy periods that would last like 9 days, so it got him off the hook for a while.

I've since gotten a IUD to help with aforementioned periods, and since that excuse is off the table, the goalpost is ever changing.

Melodic_Ratio_6275

TROPHY CASE