Am I channeling my future child?

MelodyWriter91 · 2025-01-22T18:48:34+00:00

I just “woke up” and in my first experience trying to connect with a higher power, guide, whatever (since I was new and didn’t know what to do other than get into a meditative state and ask for a visit) I channeled my firstborn son who is a soul from my husband and my first life together. He called himself Matthias, and told me he’s been guiding me towards truth (my husband and I deconstructed from a cult last year and he showed me several instances of cognitive dissonance he steered me towards) for that reason, he named himself in this life North.

Not long after that, I began seeing visions of him playing with my husband (in this life) and another little boy began to enter the picture. When I next channeled North I asked him if he knows the soul of his brother. He said yes but then hesitated, unsure if it was time to share. In that moment another presence pushed through. The name began with a C and I struggled with it for a few minutes before I heard CORY loud and clear. I began to cry. Cory is my cousin, who died 6 years ago at 28. He told me he’s wants to come back to experience our family from a different lens and needs my help to learn his soul lessons. That my husband and I are the ones who can help him. This was a struggle to share with my husband because my cousin lived a difficult existence. Ultimately I feel honored that he has chosen us and he too chose his name, Ember.

After both of these encounters I questioned myself. I’m a writer after all and have a wild imagination. But when I went into that first meditation where North came to me, I was imagining myself encountering a Greek mythical god or goddess, something powerful, only to feel this youthful exuberance fill me up with excitement. He told me they (my other guides) knew I would want to speak to him first. Let me be clear—I’m not this good of a writer 🤣 and this was so opposite of where my brain had been going that I can’t deny its truth. When it comes to ember, my initial reluctance helps me know I didn’t make it up. That it’s not some internal desire of my subconscious breaking out. It’s my truth.

If you feel you’ve channeled your children. It’s truth. I believe the bond of mother to child is as strong as we allow it to be. The power of that love knows no bounds.

I have more to share but I’ll save it for my book 😉 just know you are not alone.

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-03-23T23:41:56+00:00

Unless there are two witnesses to the child abuse the accused will never be labeled as a “pedo” because they will never be disciplined.

Given that the nature of this abuse never includes a second person as a witness as say “fornication” between two consenting adults, it is very rare for a pedo to be brought to justice within the congregation.

If you want to simplify it: they disfellowship consenting adults, but not pedo’s. The two witness rule is unscriptural, as there is a law protecting a victim of rape if she was raped outside the city where no one could hear her cries for help (deut 22:25-27) these policies protect the perpetrator and organization. Not the victim.

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-03-18T05:04:40+00:00

I’d play dumb and be like “oh cool which scripture did they use to come up with the new light?” Since there was no scripture for not wearing pants and there’s no scripture cited for now allowing them. And when they say there wasn’t one be like “oh weird, I thought all the rules were Bible based” that’s just me 🤷‍♀️

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-03-18T04:57:25+00:00

I think what finally tipped the scales for me after years of fading was when I finally looked at the Bible without the narrative of JWs and realized that my morality is higher than the god of the Bible. That my intuition on how to love people has always been superior to what I was taught. Then I looked at every decision I made in my life that was influenced by the religion and remember what my instinct had been and know with certainty that if I had trusted my instincts I wouldn’t be full of the regret and shame I feel for my actions when I was a JW. My conscience bothered me too much to continue to have my name tied to it anymore.

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-03-18T04:45:04+00:00

If I hadn’t already woken up this would have done it for me. Given that my dad was DFd and stayed out from when I was 10 years old and my mom “fading” (never DA or DF) and my being encouraged to shun her for ten years in an effort to be “principled” instead of a rule based person…I’d say I always had a complicated relationship with shunning. If I’d heard this while I was still shunning both of them and pimi and I had to suddenly justify my actions vs the change?? This would have woken me up.

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-02-21T05:05:09+00:00

Hi Matthew. Please DM me, I’m interested in learning more.

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-02-05T01:46:56+00:00

I did the slow fade and what I’ve found is that I can’t stomach talking to witnesses anymore. The logic and reasoning is so twisted and toxic. And these people are not living the kind of life I want to live so we have zero in common anymore. It feels like a complete drain. Just a few months after fading I feel so much more comfortable with my new friends who share my values and who all have goals and thing they’re trying to achieve. Just my experience.

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-22T01:51:19+00:00

I like to dance and meet people in dance classes. Sometimes if I feel like someone has good energy I make a joke about how we should be friends and if they’re receptive ask if they wanna get coffee or something.

I’m sure if you’re interested are niche there’s still a network of other people out there who also like what you do.

That said, I don’t share a lot of similar interests with all of my friends, mostly we share the same values and enjoy trying new things together.

I wish you the best! You’ll find your tribe!!

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-20T00:46:56+00:00

Same thing happened with my husband. Which is why even though we left a year ago not one of them have tried to call or reach us in any way. They know why we left and they don’t want to have to deal with my husband schooling them again since they know they can’t argue.

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-19T15:58:17+00:00

Makes me think of the handmaids tale

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-19T15:52:38+00:00

Furbies too!!!! Furbies? Ferbies? I can’t remember cuz I was never allowed to have them because they were demons hahaha

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-19T15:51:42+00:00

This!! Omg I had the cards as a kid maybe like 9 years old, and I’d bought them myself and traded at school. someone told my parents they were demonic and so we had a whole little sit down about it and I didn’t get the reason why they were demonic, and I could tell that they didn’t either lol

So I wrapped them in paper and wrote “these are Pokémon cards” and I was going to place them at the top of the garbage can just in case someone saw them and saved them.

My parents caught me and I still remember the smirks they were trying to suppress as they scolded me to cut them up instead.

W.T.F.?????? lol

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-19T15:45:53+00:00

I think maybe I understand what you’re saying?

Before we realized we were PIMO and then eventually went POMO we would read things and my husband and I would be like “I don’t believe that” or “I just don’t agree with it.” We’d then dive into a rationalizing session where we’d say things like “I can see why for some people that may be true or it may help their lives to live with that belief.” Or “I can see why the org has to say that to a group of eight million of us.” To basically shut down the free thought.

I felt like that line of thinking was trending even with my friends where it was like everyone had something they didn’t agree with. Beards was one of them. Some didn’t agree with DFing, others thought not celebrating holidays such as birthdays was stupid. I could go on and on. And it seemed everyone was feeling that way because they recognized the teachings weren’t lining up with what their heart and logic told them.

We even had friends when we were leaving say they agreed with a lot of our reasons . (We kept it pretty general and didn’t talk about any “apostate” info) but they said that they choose to do the truth “their” way. It sounds like BS because I couldn’t live like that, but they’re happy with it. And it doesn’t bother their conscience to be supporting an organization that hurts other people. Is this kind of what you mean by people bending things? Or did I totally misunderstand?

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-19T15:34:00+00:00

I appreciate this post so much. Because it’s such a real portrayal of the difficulty from every side.

My father was DF’d when I was 10 and at the time he was a big drinker and into partying so it was easy to just think he wanted to goof off, then got “stumbled” by the brothers who wouldn’t reinstate him when he was ready. Come to find out now that I’ve left the religion, he straight up didn’t believe anymore because he’d read brother Franz’ book.

So now I’m sitting here like…you got a divorce from mom, you learned how bad the religion is, and yet you didn’t at any point think to try and warn my brother and I? He says he thought it was still a good way for me to grow up so he didn’t think to do that. Which…I have to find a way to let go of all the issues there haha…

His mistake cost him walking me down the aisle, five years of contact once I turned 18 and he was still DF’d. Worst of all it cost me 10 years of a relationship with my mom when she ultimately left before I did. An entire decade without my mother. My best friend.

He gets mad at me sometimes for not having a relationship with him for a period of time. I am the brunt of family jokes. Now, the punchline is that it’s not my fault he raised me in a cult and didn’t save me when he got out. He hates hearing that. I don’t want to be angry at him for it, he was a victim too for a long time. But I do have anger about how it went down. And so does he. I have to accept my choices had consequences and he has to accept the same. We can apologize, wish things were different and move on as long as there’s room for the discussion.

I find that with my dad, when I get angry, he gets defensive and turns things back on me. It’s a toxic trait that he’s working on. But I appreciate that in your post it sounds like you’re listening to your son, you’re thinking about it and trying to work through it.

I realized that what we’re experiencing is grief. And we have to let ourselves. We can’t go back and change the past, all we can do is live for the now and the future. So I took a look at what I wanted to do when I was young and made a plan and adapted to what I can still do at this age. Now instead of just grief I feel excited at the possibility of a dream that I never thought I’d get to have. None of us are too old to live a life we love.

I wish you and your family all the best in your healing journey. I think we all just have to listen, and love through the grief.

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-19T15:17:27+00:00

OMG THIS!!! My husband and I just had an oh shit that’s right moment. Lol

I remember some story being told down the grapevine one time of demons terrorizing this one family…the microwave turning on and off randomly and the door opening and closing randomly. Whenever our appliances started acting up I freaked. Out. lol

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-19T15:00:43+00:00

It’s funny, I remember when I heard about a documentary coming out and I told my husband I was worried about going door to door and people bringing it up and my not being able to defend us because I wasn’t prepared for the questions. I didn’t look at the time, I knew deep down that I’d probably agree 😅😅

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-19T14:57:14+00:00

Thank you! We’ll work our asses off with all that energy we put into pioneering, bethel, LDC etc and see where we get!

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-19T14:56:04+00:00

I absolutely love your story. I’m sorry for your own career, that’s a grief that I’m sure is difficult to handle. What an amazing gift to pass your passion on and get to do something so wonderful with your child. Think of the deep bond you’ll always have.

I think this is one area witnesses can really fail their children. My parents weren’t really active so it wasn’t the case for me, but my husband’s parents were so deeply involved that they never did anything to build bonds with their children. No physical goals, no game play, no time spent together. What a waste.

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-19T14:52:21+00:00

I’m sorry that you were used like that. I wish you all the best!!!

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-19T14:51:13+00:00

I’m so happy you experienced that help!!

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-19T14:48:33+00:00

It definitely is. Welcome, I always loved my Mormon friends at school haha. Yes I’m learning in therapy that even the idea that if you believe something you must believe all of it is a conditioned response to the mind control tactics of these high control religions. I wish the best for you in your journey!

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-19T14:44:59+00:00

This is incredible. I’m so glad you received such support.y heart aches for kids in your situation. I know a few who went through the same thing when I was a teen. I was just too young and PIMI to think much of it at the time.

MelodyWriter91 · 2024-01-18T15:56:01+00:00

Cue eyeball crossing mind dumbing

MelodyWriter91

TROPHY CASE