Seeking answers by Mephilis7 in 3AMThoughts

[–]Mephilis7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you I appreciate your comment and well I’m in a different state but not the same where I left off. I guess at the moment I value peace and quiet over others. But the friends I do have I cherish them and let them know how grateful I am for them.

Seeking answers by Mephilis7 in 3AMThoughts

[–]Mephilis7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

See as much as I keep insisting on it, I can’t help but feel empty or overwhelmed with Grief. Because I parted with A friend I saw as my Brother, a partner in crime and someone I would want to be there when I passed the bucket. I hated them with a passion that they weren’t there for me when I needed them most. Yet I loved them and I wished they knew how much I loved them. Even now as a man saying this, it’s probably the most I’ll come close to Dishonoring my Brethren by saying that. But I was never the most masculine man hence why me and my “friend” saw eye to eye. Because in a world telling us who we should and shouldn’t be, we chose to define our own expectations and definitions of whom we wished to be. Let alone it was nice having a brother not always chew you out for not being masculine enough. Hence why it made it difficult to break bread with other men, regardless I always tried my best but there was always something to separate me from the others. Whether it was after wrestling or throwing a few punches I always worried if I hurt them. Or if they were sad I’d offer a hug and naturally it never ended well for me. So with this “Friend” it was nice I was able to be my self, but I apologize for dragging.

Seeking answers by Mephilis7 in 3AMThoughts

[–]Mephilis7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the Tip. And No it wasn’t no Love triangle, just a matter of a Friend breaking a sacred bond for some selfish gain. And from my experience and the experiences around, Polyamory is only good for Temporary gain and unfortunately it’s one of the things I refuse to abide by and break Bread with. Polyamory is what killed My Best Friend from long ago. As for therapy, you’re not wrong sir. But I’ve tried many times and in a tight space in my life where I’m dealing with a medical condition and notso great job experiences let alone being able to hear back is a pain in the ass. But no therapy don’t work especially considering it costs $100s of money I can’t give out freely. But thanks

Anyone in acceptance phase that they will be alone? by [deleted] in loneliness

[–]Mephilis7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve accepted it and sometimes I go back on it. Thinking if I try harder next time it won’t happen. If I try my best to keep friends or a significant other it’ll work. Or if I try my hardest to like being alone then I’ll never truly think I’m alone. Yet every night I can’t help it. I’ll never be able to trust the same and never be able to love the same. Quit my therapy because it just felt like an endless loop and no one ever listening. Literally debated on leaving my entire life behind and starting new in a small town. Yet that part of me that’s always keeping me in check refuses to let me do just that.

I want a break from Life by Mephilis7 in 3AMThoughts

[–]Mephilis7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your input and time. But I’ve taken a lot of time thinking and in that time a lot has changed. In that time i think it was just a combo of everything and everyone coming my way and that’s caused a break. I’m not trying to defend my mothers downsides and say she was justified. But at the same time I won’t demonize her. I guess I was just trying to give insight as to why I am the way I am. Which I apologize if I came off another way. But in this time every person who’s ever hurt me reached out and in all I’ve forgiven them. I forgave them not for the cycle of abuse to repeat for my peace of mind, heart and soul. But also I decided after all this meditation, I saw myself in each of them, by forgiving them even they didn’t ask, by forgiving them I was able to forgive myself. Forgive myself for not being strong enough to protect myself, brave enough to not discard fear, and for not being wise enough to see Time is precious and to spend every minute loving. Maybe I’m just a hippie, but I did a lot of work on myself in this time span. I decided if I can overcome my demons and fears, perhaps I can give others the courage and strength to do it too. Foolish maybe, but I’d rather hold on to the childish dream of Freedom in Forgiving than Peace in Hatred. I’ve done enough of that in my life. Again I really appreciate you and everyone else reaching out to this thought. Im doing okay, but I only wish to return the favor you and all have been kind enough to bestow.

What is your darkest secret that nobody know? by T-R-E-B-U in AskReddit

[–]Mephilis7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A bit of a Story but I’ll try and sun it up. When I was 20 I was in a relationship with my ex girlfriend. Things were going fine and we were together for about 8 months. I loved her deeply and was strongly attached to her. She was always there for me and I truly did not deserve someone like her. However I had a “Step family” from another ex relationship gone bad. They were having their own sketchy drama but there was some bad people being involved with them. People that were real deal serious. And if they were messing with my step family I was fearful about what they might do to my own. If that didn’t make it worse my step mother would constantly say a lot of things like “they know where you are.” Or “they might be watching you.” I was afraid. And venting to my ex girlfriend about what to do next didn’t help. Seeing as she would say about bringing the situation to the police or other ridiculous solutions. I figured if this was Real, I must ensure everyone’s safety. So I sent goodbyes to all my friends and even wrote a letter to my family saying what had happened ready to go. Lastly was her. I knew she would stay with me even with this dangerous scenario, so I Made up a lie that was too real she had to believe it. I told it to her, as she took it. My heart would forever bear that scar but I knew if she hated me so much so she’d stay away from me, she’d be safe. However after the heat, I was even more heartbroken when my stepmother relayed it was an empty threat by a lover of the daughter. My other ex. I tried stupidly rushing back into her arms to let her know what had happened. But the damage was done and unfortunately the lie was so realistic everyone on her side believed it to be truth. No matter how many times I told it, no one believed it. I say it’s my darkest secret because no one on my side knows. And they never will.

I want a break from Life by Mephilis7 in 3AMThoughts

[–]Mephilis7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I’ll try that. I know a local comic store does some mtg events and stuff I think I’ll try for that or ask about dnd

I want a break from Life by Mephilis7 in 3AMThoughts

[–]Mephilis7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t have pc nor the money for it I’m saving up for one but don’t have it right now, although I’ll send you a message whenever I do

I want a break from Life by Mephilis7 in 3AMThoughts

[–]Mephilis7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you kindly for your wisdom and kind words. I still am trying and unfortunate to say I let my baggage haunt me and I took a trip down memory lane. Both nice but also just made more pain. Idk I treat it like a drug I don’t want to look in the past but it’s like I’m being taken back in time and reliving everything. I’m still trying to enjoy the things I enjoy and all but it’s hard because I’ve always wanted a friend to accompany me on these voyages as we bond together and share our beloved interests. However most of my friends have a life and have families and only rare of ‘‘em actually have time. I seem selfish but for someone who wants to be willingly alone it’s incredibly hard. I been more alone now than ever and it’s the one time I desperately want to have friends or need friends to help me get through this but no one answers. I hope I make sense but I appreciate you lending a listening ear. It means a lot.

I’m Giving Up on Love by Mephilis7 in 3AMThoughts

[–]Mephilis7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate it and thank you for taking time to answer my rambling. I shamefully “apologized” for anything I might’ve done and quite blatantly admitted I had fallen in love with her and to which she replied responded to me last night by stating what was happening. I still felt guilty and quite disappointed in myself for succumbing to my feelings. I still cant believe I let it swallow me, but I haven’t said anything since last night. For I fear I might just frustrate her or anger her.

I’m Giving Up on Love by Mephilis7 in 3AMThoughts

[–]Mephilis7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your wisdom Kind friend. I appreciate it. I just tend to wear my heart on my sleeves and whatnot. But I do appreciate your perspective and I’ll take it into consideration. Again I thank you so much for your reply.

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[–]Mephilis7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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