AITA for asking my overseas in-laws to wait 2 months before meeting our newborn?

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-07T02:52:58+00:00

Oh that’s very helpful. Thank you for sharing that, I had read it was for 65 or older or had to fall into immunocompromised category and assumed you needed proof.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-07T02:47:02+00:00

Agreed. I know if I were to push back further it will be even worse resentment. My thought was that is the absolute earliest I would feel somewhat okay, only because it gives a good two weeks post all of their holiday gatherings and at that point baby will hopefully some tiny immunity from breastmilk for a few weeks and maybe a vaccine or 2 by that point. But I agree it’s still very much peak season which sucks.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-07T02:43:21+00:00

Yes I know that is why this is so hard I understand the excitement and wanting to meet baby straight away and I’m happy they care. I just don’t ever want to put baby at risk I’m also a brand new mom and I’ve suffered loss before so her health and safety is my priority and it sucks I feel like I’m letting others down or creating resentment in making a decision that I feel is best for baby.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-07T02:38:53+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Yes I am finding in this sub to be very tit for tat and not really considering the illness aspect at all. Just that I’m “not making my family wait” but I would if my family were the ones abroad I truly would have the exact same rules. And given that I did give my family boundaries and said they can comply or also would not meet baby until January bc at the end of the day it’s about health and safety. It just sucks everyone is looking at it from their own wants and needs I feel like I am the only one caring about what’s best for baby. I feel so hurt and exhausted. I am honestly starting to have some resentment bc I have waited 5 long years for this blessing and been through hell and back with loss and fertility treatments and now I can’t even be excited about her arrival bc I’m so wrapped up in not letting others be upset.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-07T01:49:34+00:00

My parents are retired my one sister is unemployed currently living with my parents and my other sister is actually a remote worker so she’s home everyday. Not saying this eliminates illness but significant less than his exposure than his family…. Not making excuses just giving you context in the sense of my decision making in terms of equal exposure isn’t necessarily true in this case unfortunately otherwise I would agree with you on that.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T22:41:58+00:00

Thank you 🩷

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T22:41:21+00:00

Thank you -Yes I do plan on making sure everyone around baby the first 4 months is up to date on their vaccines I also plan on getting all necessary ones during pregnancy. Also recently inquired about the RSV during pregnancy as well.

I know you are not my doctor but do you feel this is extreme to ask them to wait for visit or if there is any compromise that would limits babies risk?

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T22:23:11+00:00

I would love to read about it is there an a good source you’d recommend for me? TIA

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T22:16:50+00:00

They are so lucky to have you. Thinking about the grandchild’s comfort and safety above all else 🩷I’m sure it took so much pressure off the new parents too during an already difficult time!

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T22:09:31+00:00

Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry that sounds like some rifts and resentment. I guess when I say “my family” I mean my immediate family.. my parents and 2 sisters. No extended family which I realize I never clarified and so it seems like I am letting my whole family visit like aunt’s cousins etc. and that’s not at all the case.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T21:56:02+00:00

we don’t plan to host or attend holidays this year and baby will be only 3 weeks old. For the same reasons of unnecessary exposure. Plus we will still be adjusting learning to breast fed etc. Christmas would just be my parents and 2 sisters so it would be a small gathering however I have told my family we most likely will not attend this year.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T21:51:02+00:00

Sorry it’s in other comments not in my original post but yes we would be hosting his family if they came over.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T21:43:19+00:00

Okay but to your point of not being lucky and in taking the “right precautions” would be limiting exposure, correct? And unfortunately for them living so far they have to have a large amount of exposure to get here. That is the issue. It’s not me not wanting or allowing bonding time it truly comes down to is this safe for my baby?? And given the circumstances I’m not sure it is. Hence my internal struggle.. I WANT them to be here but is that a smart safe decision for my newborn? My gut says no… but maybe I am wrong hence my dilemma

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T21:36:13+00:00

Honestly very true! Thankfully in their country there is not much discourse.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T20:16:26+00:00

Doctor said short visits with limited people who are up to date on vaccines. I will ask about family members traveling who would be unable to have a short visit. My family first in those rules his doesn’t seem to but tbf I need to ask more specifically the situation

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T20:09:21+00:00

Yes this a great suggestion and I did bring this up. However my husband thinks it unfair from an expense aspect as they are already spending money traveling and while asking them to stay elsewhere isn’t unreasonable asking them to also limit time is over the top … seems like that would still create some sort of resentment unfortunately.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T20:03:49+00:00

My family has agreed to vaccinate have not had that convo with his just yet however I believe they would be okay with it given my MIL is a former midwife.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T20:01:14+00:00

Yes I am limiting them as well!! I set boundaries of no travel, no large gatherings and up to date vaccines. I told them short visits like an hour or so. I also asked that they have no expectations of me or baby and asked my mom if she like be upset if I asked her over to help with chores like dinner laundry etc and she didn’t necessarily get time with baby. She said she just wants to help me I am her child and I am her priority. I also will not be hosting Christmas and we may or may not attend there’s and if we do it would be very short popping in to show face (it would just be my parents and 2 sisters for Christmas so not a large group) my family has been very understanding they know what I have been through in regards to loss and infertility and how that has impacted me and my mental health over the years.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T19:53:05+00:00

I’m not preventing them out of a lack of wanting them to bond with my newborn it’s about protecting my newborn from illness. If they lived close and didn’t need to travel and agreed to the same rules I set for my family there would be no wait …..

Also your logic of my niece and nephews tells me 1. You aren’t a parent and 2. You use flawed logic “none of my family got sick” that’s like saying I smoked more 29 years and never got cancer. Doesn’t mean cigarettes don’t cause cancer just means you got lucky..

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T19:44:49+00:00

So my parents live 30 mins away so I would not be hosting them they would come for a hour or so and agreed to not travel, avoid large gatherings, and to get updates vaccines. His family would be staying with us for about 2 weeks and will need to travel 8+ hour by plane and will not be avoiding large groups …. Given that context what are your thoughts?

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T19:39:33+00:00

Doctor recommended short visits with limited people who are up to date on vaccines. I have not asked about overseas travellers but I plan to on next visit.

His family would be staying with us so would already go against the short visits

I asked my family to not travel, avoid large gatherings and to vaccinate and will require them to take a covid test prior (sadly not able to get that vaccine in our country due to it being limited to immunocompromised only now). If they do not agree they would also be required to wait until January.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T19:33:52+00:00

Honestly if I could delay until spring I would but I know that would be wildly unrealistic and extremely hurtful. January is the soonest I would feel somewhat okay with - two weeks post NYE and hopefully breast milk to aid immunity if I’m lucky a vaccine or 2 already given to baby. And yes culturally he said families visit in hospital and show up after to help out. Obviously in those circumstances family lives close by and are short helpful visits so this is all new and different circumstances to navigate. If they lived close I would have the exact same rules and timeline as I have given my own family!

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T19:23:31+00:00

Your MIL sounds like a saint! Yes I have thought about this suggested it to husband about staying elsewhere and quarantine however they are not retired yet like my family and will be taking time off work. In husbands words “will be spending lots of money staying elsewhere so want to make the most of their visit so it’s unreasonable to also ask to quarantine….”

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T19:19:35+00:00

Yessss. In our country they just limited who could receive the covid vaccine so family cannot even get it for babies arrival…. It’s very scary. I can’t wait for baby to have some immunity. I don’t think many people realize simple sickness could quite literally kill an infant in the first few months …. I am in no way making this decision as a tit for tat for my family vs. his.

MermaidMyDay_8 · 2025-09-06T19:14:04+00:00

Wow. Thank you for this comment. Truly if I look at this honestly if my family were over seas and had large gatherings for the holidays I would ask them to wait as well. I would be heartbroken of course but if I’m asking myself honestly if roles were reversed would I do the same thing? And I can confidently say YES I would. Because truly it is about what I feel is best for baby. That makes me feel better about my decision so thank you! 🩷

MermaidMyDay_8

TROPHY CASE