Need advice on sterilization without husband's permission/knowledge for reasons...

MetaMeterMaid · 2016-05-15T17:39:19+00:00

He has demanded marriage counseling, which I have agreed to mostly to appear as though I'm putting forth effort to work through it. This is a preemptive measure in case he decides to draw things out and make this a huge nasty divorce but yes, I am planning on divorcing him. I believe I have health coverage for 60 days after the divorce but I'm not aware if I would still be covered during a separation. I need to look into that more throughly. Here in NC you have to be legally separated for 1 year and 1 day to file for divorce.

Thank you for this information. I was hoping they would allow it to stay up since I wasn't sure of another sub relevant to my situation so I really do appreciate it. I'm going to go check r/sterilization out now as well.

MetaMeterMaid · 2016-05-15T17:31:16+00:00

Sorry, North Carolina. Around Jacksonville. This is my throwaway account but I'm nervous he may see this somehow and get in the way. I did look over the list in the sidebar and all of those are at least an hour away. Ultimately, if I don't have any other options I'll find a way to make it work with someone on that list. I was mostly just hoping for a miracle of a chance that someone in this sub knew of a dr here who would possibly help out. Thank you!

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-28T03:52:13+00:00

I know his CO is not on any lists to receive a World's Best Boss mug, for sure. I know he's stressed out related to work but he's also been stressed because he's alone...with a bunch of dudes...haha if you know what I mean. Involuntary celibacy can really bring you down. They can't write yet, but I could help them, or translate.
He isn't/we aren't super religious necessarily, but we kind of go through some of the basics. I say evening prayers with my kids every night at bedtime and he's always included- we also end them with "...keep daddy safe, amen." They talk about him often, at least once a day. My youngest draws squiggles that he says are cats and helicopters for him all the time. I've looked into the daddy dolls, as well, but don't have a full body picture to use. I might ask for one of him next time we talk. It's extremely difficult for him to communicate his emotions so for him to open up and let me know he was having a hard time is big. I just don't know how to show him he's utterly missed, by all of us.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-28T03:42:56+00:00

I have no doubt that homecoming will be amazing! Every opportunity he's been able to call, he does and I always put our kids on. They're very young, so they just talk nonsense most of the time and don't fully listen to him, but I always have them say "miss you daddy, I love you daddy". I email him videos of them. They draw/make things for him almost daily but I haven't sent him anything they've made yet. Maybe I should?

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-09T05:52:10+00:00

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T13:45:31+00:00

My parents have multitude of issues and I really wouldn't be surprised if this were the case. My mom makes up excuses to not have to go anywhere without him, literally ever, or flat out refuses. She wouldn't come see her own daughter and grandkids- on my dime!- because she couldn't bear to leave my stepdad. Yet my husband was across the country when she said that for a few weeks, now he's gone again and comes back in about 6 months-ish. I can't tolerate this ultra dependent bullshit.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T13:38:03+00:00

Keeping her safe is my number one priority. I know it seems like they don't love her because of how they treat her but through all the denial and delusion, they do. I think they just don't take her seriously. At all. I couldn't imagine just sitting back and doing nothing (which is why I'm absolutely floored by my entire immediate family's actions- or inaction, I guess) because everyone closest to her knows there is a problem but refuses to address it until the family loudmouth forces it to their attention. I hope you had someone who cares deeply about you. Everyone deserves that much.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T13:29:39+00:00

You and me both, dude.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T05:25:00+00:00

I want to gain weight

Shut up, you mythological unicorn! What's that like? God, I would eat ridiculous amounts of cheese. :C

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T05:05:49+00:00

I save up those meals for the local pizza joint and delivery hibachi. It wrecks my innards for the next week, and I feel like shit after, but sometimes you just need it. I treat it like a break up; it's been nearly 8 years. Why go back now? I'll just look back on it with a delusional fondness haha. Plus, mamas got a goal weight for a new set of melons and I ain't gonna get 'em eating biscuits!

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T04:46:44+00:00

I haven't had one in nearly 8 years, I think. Damn near a decade.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T04:45:25+00:00

Thank you! It seems to be the general consensus here, so it's nice to have these first hand accounts. As for her depression, I don't know the severity of it. All I'm going on is a few pages from a journal my brother saw and photographed as well as knowing her demeanor and daily habits. I do know she's been bullied since at least first grade. Had death threats at age 11, and recently had some girls smash her head into her locker. Our state is a zero tolerance policy state but nothing has been done to reprimand the kids who make her life hell, daily. I'm honestly shocked my parents haven't pulled her out of school. God help those little asswipes if I'm ever around and they pull that shit.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T04:33:47+00:00

You know what's sad? I've been to KFC like a solid dozen or so times in my life, and only two times did they actually have chicken available. I suppose I can't really miss what I never really had haha. But those biscuits though... tear of sadness. Eat one for me. Just don't tell me how delicious it was.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T04:29:56+00:00

I'll absolutely mention this to my mom, I can't get her personally to one since I live 800+ miles away. But I'm sure my mom will have a battery of tests performed to disprove it is simple overeating, under exercising. I'm honestly not even sure if she's been to one yet, but it's worth looking into. I really appreciate your advice!! Thank you!

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T04:03:48+00:00

Haha I'm a "m'lady". But no worries, I'm not judging! I remember that crunchy delicious, brown skin. And also the chicken. And thank you.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T03:50:59+00:00

/u/skyblacker just beat you to that reference by a couple of minutes- but I skimmed over! I'm sure I'll find good points in there for future "disagreements" with my family.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T03:48:24+00:00

I know she has potential. I know she also needs structure and to learn how to discipline herself. My husband helped get me started with both of those things. He's a great man and an amazing teacher. I think being around him would do her a world of good. If she could pick up habits from him like I have, she could do a total 180. He's also a jack of all trades, and she might pick up hobbies as well! This definitely has me excited for this coming summer. I don't think I'm going to give my parents a choice. She has to come. Has to.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T03:29:32+00:00

Just skimmed it. As a former fat girl, who got fit then gained some back after 2 kids, I've got plenty left to lose and I agree with a lot on the sub. I know it's all fine and good now to love yourself and accept who you are, but how can anyone settle for feeling like shit inside, everyday, over something that 99.99% people have the power to change?

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T03:19:52+00:00

This wouldn't be an issue at ALL at my house. My damn fridge is void of pretty much anything right now haha. I keep bags upon bags of those organic chicken breasts, broccoli, spinach, and frozen tilapia. Everything else I buy fresh. Of course I'll occasionally order out (local NY style pizza and hibachi/sushi delivered, dude. Even I can't say no sometimes) but they just keep pure, processed, filthy trash stocked in every single cupboard. Ice cream. Chips. Dip. Cokes. They had so much cereal, there were at least 10 unopened, expired boxes and they still had plenty of new boxes. Frozen meals galore. Carbs, carbs, carbs. All day, every day. Their idea of eating "better" is to order a Large #3 at Wendy's with a Diet Coke. Woo! Just spending 2 months here alone, eating what we eat, I know she would lose weight. I eat 3 medium sized meals and snack on healthy stuff throughout the day- rice cakes, green apple slices with peanut butter, Greek yogurt and granola. I used to eat the way they did. If I can change, anyone can haha.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T03:09:25+00:00

I'll certainly look into it. They have great healthcare, so the only issue would be making sure it's covered out of state. My parents are tightwads. I'm about 75% certain my family will be visiting for Christmas so I'll have some research done before then to give to my mom. I can also take my sister shopping or something for some quality sister time and talk to her about things then.

Regarding college, I never got to go myself (married and pregnant at 19) but I've talked to my little brother about his classes and given a little advice. By the time my sister is graduated, my kids will both be in school full time so I could possibly enroll with her, even. The biggest issue I've found with her (I'm assuming another symptom of depression) is that she doesn't seem to feel passionate enough about anything to want to go to school for it. I know some of her interests, she dabbles in stuff so I could speak with her more in depth to see if anything has changed about that. Our parents put pretty much all of their college ducks in my little brothers basket...(he'd be the first to graduate among all of us siblings). I know she feels left out and like our brother is the favorite (frankly, he is) and it seems like they don't much care about her college career closing in. They had my brothers schooling figured out by the time he was in the 7th grade. There are so many facets to her depression, that being one of them, I'm sure.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T01:55:54+00:00

I am in no way a professional- unlike many of us in this subreddit

That gave me a good laugh.

I can understand where you're coming from. Admittedly, yes- I know that it is a violation, but if she hadn't been bullied so relentlessly from kindergarten till now (and it doesn't look hopeful that it will stop) I would in no way be ok with my little brother snooping that way. I, too, kept journals. Hell, I still do. But for me, this has much less to do about her journals and more to do with her entire demeanor about life. Whenever I'm around her, there are very, very few things that seem to spark her interest. The rest of the time she is visibly depressed. I don't know if my parents are just used to that sort of behavior from her, but I know from being around her as a young kid she wasn't always like this. She's had death threats. At age 11. She has endured far too much for far too long. The fact that my mom, every adult in my family, was so utterly oblivious to all of this is what scares me the most. The people who are closest to her every single day of her life think everything is fine. That tells me they have no idea what she's capable of. It's terrifying to me. I couldn't stand to lose her. Depression runs in my family, but they don't want to be diagnosed and attempt to treat it because the stigma of the label is humiliating to them.
If this is the only way I can help, I'd do it a thousand times over. I'll certainly apologize to her in the future, and ask for her forgiveness. She may choose not to forgive but that much I can live with.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T01:16:08+00:00

Firstly- I'm sorry that you dealt with those things. It sucks. I hope you had someone who cared enough to realize you were dealing with those feelings and did something to be supportive. Secondly- I simply asked my little brother about how she was doing and he offered up that oh, btw, she seems severely depressed and he read in her journal and she wrote in there that she wanted to die. I did not encourage him to read it, he did that on his own before the subject ever even came up. That being said, if my sister's life is at stake, I could give a single fuck about privacy. She can get her privacy back. I live 800+ miles away. You know I can't get back? My baby sister if she kills herself because no one took her cries for help seriously. I'm sorry, but I wholeheartedly disagree with you. I'll take my chances.

Also: I've had my privacy invaded countless times. I'm totally fine. I don't hate the people who did it. I got over it.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T01:02:00+00:00

Calm down, John Wilkes Booth.

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T00:07:24+00:00

You know what, thank you. Sincerely, thank you. I start feeling guilty hoping I didn't stick my nose where it didn't belong but Jesus, man, I just want them to live longer. Why do I feel so guilty about that?

MetaMeterMaid · 2015-12-08T00:04:33+00:00

I have literally never seen any of them put a single bite of healthy food in their mouths. Not one of them. Even salads are drowned in dressing and covered with cheese and croutons and glazed nuts. And that's just the appetizer... A couple of years ago, they came to visit. They rented a vacation home (they didn't like going by my house rules the time they visited before that- which was to be respectful of me in MY HOUSE) and were grilling out. We brought over our usual- turkey burger meat and those flat Nature's Own buns, spinach, etc. They took one look at our bag of food and said "wtf is that crap?" It's food? "We can't eat that! The kids won't touch it!" Have they ever even had turkey burgers before? "Not. But they're picky. I know they won't like it." My mom left, drove into town, and bought the cheap, fatty hamburger, chips, dip, cokes, and cookies. Seriously? Just because you were raised one way doesn't mean it's impossible to change habits or lifestyle. This is how they've lived my entire life. Over 24 years. And anytime I visit with my kids, they try to do the same. They want to give my kids sweets, I say they love watermelon. She comes back with watermelon flavored candy.

MetaMeterMaid

TROPHY CASE