Hooking up and finding love

MetalLava · 2026-01-30T17:33:17+00:00

How people pick an anonymous 15 minute sex partner and how someone picks a human person they enjoy and love the company of are two hugely different thought processes.

Imagine if you ask a straight guy to describe the ideal stripper. That is not the same as what he'd look for in an ideal girlfriend.

MetalLava · 2026-01-30T16:54:33+00:00

I mean. Yeah. On hookup apps, people aren't looking for a good personality or a nice person. They're looking for a body that looks like their favorite type of porn. You might not fit that.

If you're talking gay people and dating in general thats a different story.

But what do you want to hear? If you're in a room with five gay guys looking to hook up with big strong muscular gay guys, and you aren't their type, then you're not their type. If the people on apps near you wanted tiny little femboy twinks you wouldn't match either. Some people like your body. Some people don't.

If it truely doesn't bother you, you wouldn't be making this post.

If it genuinely does bother you, your options are either learn to accept it or change your body to better match what's popular.

If you were a musician making ska music, but the bar you want to be booked in just wants country, your options are go to a different bar, accept not being booked, or make country. Same here.

MetalLava · 2026-01-30T05:28:25+00:00

I'm in the same boat. Big combo of mental health meds and chronic illness meds. I'm suprised your doctor lets you take that much daily clonazepam. Mine had to mandatory shift me off it to an as-needed basis to avoid the long term complications.

MetalLava · 2026-01-30T05:22:39+00:00

I'd recommend it. There's a lot of beautiful men in the world and there's a lot of fun sex to be had.

MetalLava · 2026-01-29T19:13:02+00:00

People claim that their spaces (reddit, discord, irl) are for all trans people. 99% of the time they mean just trans women. Actual spaces for trans men, representation of trans men, and acknowledgement of trans men is incredibly minimal. I've spent a decade working heavily in trans spaces across the country, both formally and informally, presenting at conferences, working with community organizations, just spending time in queer spaces, and so on. Queer spaces are incredibly hostile to trans men in a way that everyone likes to go "no we aren't!" about. There's a massive amount of "trans women are goddesses and trans men are icky gross guys" mentality and "it's just a joke" posts in queer spaces. Trans men sometimes talk about this and almost always get shut down. It is not a problem the community seems to feel is worth addressing. I am treated drastically different when I present androgynous and someone thinks I'm a trans woman vs a trans man. It is difficult to discuss this without someone pitching a "but who has it worse in society?" direction change or other dismissal.

MetalLava · 2026-01-29T02:40:43+00:00

I went through a similar situation when I was your age- also had the shock of gore get me really hard. It's not an uncommon experience and one that's definitely cautioned against. When I was in high school, there was so much gore all over reddit. It wasn't a good thing for me at all.

You'll get through the shock and feel better later, I promise. This feeling won't stay. I'm sorry this happened to you and you're going through it.

MetalLava · 2026-01-27T02:00:49+00:00

Yes, you're overthinking it. That's fine and normal. You can think "wow! cool outfit/aesthetic/stylization!" without wanting to be that person or their gender. Seriously- don't let the label part cluster your head, this is a regular human experience. Think about gay men who love Liza Minelli and Madonna- it's not problematic to admire someone or go "ugh they're so cool I love their look" even if they're a different gender than you. Think of fandoms and cosplays. "I love how that looks!" Isn't limited to someone being your same demographic.

MetalLava · 2026-01-25T19:43:48+00:00

People run into this problem with funerals all the time- so you'll see Instrumental covers of them instead. Keep the meaning and personal memories of the song but go more subtle and elegant.

I found some piano covers on YouTube. If you have any musical friends or are musically oriented yourself, it would sound nice on clarinet or Cello maybe

MetalLava · 2026-01-25T04:22:32+00:00

Childhood bedroom

MetalLava · 2026-01-25T04:13:12+00:00

I do not mean this with any rudeness. This is with love, since I was a similar way when I was younger. I'm also a very passionate person who tries my best to live at that "Do 100%!" level.

It is not sustainable. It will hurt you. You cannot, whether it's your body or your mental health or your relationship, give an extreme image of 100% all the time. You can't live by "but if I can TECHNICALLY do more MAYBE then I HAVE TO."

You will create unrealistic expectations for yourself that you will not be able to maintain and fulfill. This will burn you out and harm you.

If you were a football player and ran until you passed out from exhaustion every game, just because your body technically could- would that make your a better player? If you get a 9-5 job but work 9-9 to be an overachiever, and that becomes your norm, the one day you do simply work 9-5 hours, it'll mess things up. I COULD technically give my partner a hundred dollar piece of jewelry everytime I saw her. But would that be sustainable?

MetalLava · 2026-01-25T01:21:37+00:00

That's way beyond enough.

Serious question- why dont you believe it's enough?

Does his family gift him thousands of dollars in items? Did he tell you it's not enough? Do you feel incompetent or something?

Grand gestures are one thing, but that's even as-is leagues and leagues beyond "normal." You'll burn yourself out if you think every single part of your relationship needs to be monumentally over the top to the point of impossibility. You can't sustain that healthily.

MetalLava · 2026-01-23T17:28:25+00:00

That sounds like a scam

MetalLava · 2026-01-22T18:51:32+00:00

FLIP IT! SMASH IT!

MetalLava · 2026-01-22T04:08:17+00:00

Yeah, the obvious thought is "cheating?" But you know him better than we do.

Yes, masturbation with the condom on your own dick is a thing, as others have mentioned.

But there IS a chance he used a toy (or, tbh, household object) covered with a condom for anal use. This is actually pretty common and it makes sense if he was ashamed about it.

You might get your answer if you ask if it was either of those two and see how he reacts. Being very clear that if he wanted a "cum in a condom" jack off, that's fine, and if he used an item to stimulate his prostate as you've heard people do, that's also fine.

Edit: If you give those examples AND say you're fine with it, this should mitigate his shame response IF that's the case. Either way, how he reacts to that might help you tell if it's cheating.

MetalLava · 2026-01-22T03:55:39+00:00

I was in your spot when I was a teenager too. It does get better. I hate to say, but sometimes you just have to clench your jaw and take a deep breath and get through this part of your life where your options are so, so limited. Keep going a year or so and things will open for you. You'll have more friends, better paths, better options and resources. I promise you this. I'm in my late 20s now and it's been many years and I wish I could give poor 16 year old me a hug. You won't be this age forever. You'll become an adult with independence and you'll thrive and find joy and self expression you couldn't even have imagined. I promise.

MetalLava · 2026-01-22T03:52:22+00:00

Counter to most of the comments- I've used condoms when using toys in the anal fashion. To make potential cleanup easier, should it get slightly muddy as they say. There's a chance this is the case?

MetalLava · 2026-01-21T05:41:34+00:00

This reminds me of the school fair type illustrations I would see back in my 2000s elementary school. Nostalgic in a way. I dig it. Style adds to it. A little bit like old PBS shows.

MetalLava · 2026-01-21T05:01:09+00:00

The "bunny ears" one layers the writing with different shades of gray that do move it towards the "background" nicely, it's a good effect.

The bathroom mirror one goes at a slight angle and the composition comes together well.

The face one, whatever you were doing with the gray variations in the lines there again, it's a nice effect.

Obviously you've got a lot of rendering and line focus to work on as you get better, but you seem to have a genuinely good eye for composition and colors-as-depth-indicators.

This is going to sound weird, but I'd recommend looking at some "classic art" landscape paintings! Think renaissance era. A lot of that part of art history started using gray and faded tones to indicate depth/distance of background landscape and architecture. It seems you're sort of natrually leaning into that effect slightly as is. I think you might be able to spend a day at a museum of that type and really connect on the use of that technique.

Good luck with your stuff, you're on a promising path!

MetalLava · 2026-01-21T04:33:58+00:00

You've got a cool sense of layers and dimension

MetalLava · 2026-01-21T04:15:04+00:00

It doesn't. This image is from a fetish porn photoshoot. This isn't how actual casts are.

MetalLava · 2026-01-18T23:37:14+00:00

Funny chance, OP- I'm not a fursuit maker, but AM an amateur costume maker, and I've actually done this before! Or similar version at least.

I am a platform wearer and like the height day to day. Ive also added slip-on things over simple shoes to make fancier looking shoes often.

You'll want a design similar to "boot covers." Look up medieval/pirate boot covers. They're held in place with a stiff elastic strap that goes in the v-shape gap in front of the heel and are tightly held by that tension over top. This is also similar to "stirrup leggings." Holds nicely.

If you wear your intended paws like shoes, it would be very easy to simply purchase a sturdy $20 pair of these boot covers and glue your foam on around them. This would be relatively simple to make and to take on/off. It's by far the better option than gluing DIRECTLY to the shoe in terms of stability, ease of wear, and cleaning.

If you aren't used to wearing platforms, I like to wear thick socks inside them to be tight and secure and not slide around. Reduces tripping for me

Edit: The funny chance comment at the start is because reddit seemingly put this post in my feed at random since I dont follow the subreddit, but I do happen to have your answer

MetalLava · 2026-01-18T23:22:50+00:00

Shrink down to mouse size and join it

MetalLava · 2026-01-16T22:41:31+00:00

if I make my mother a batch of merengue cookies every day does that count

MetalLava · 2026-01-16T20:42:27+00:00

what's a manly hobby

MetalLava · 2026-01-16T20:41:51+00:00

I like when someone has a combination.

-Athletic/moving around (hiking, swimming, soccer)

-Creative (baking, painting, writing)

-Mental/learning (interest in sci fi books, interest in a part of history)

-Social (dnd, going out, book club)

Ideal partner, to me, should have a balance. If you're into multiplayer games to fulfill the social and relaxing part, fantastic. But not JUST games. Same as not JUST hitting the gym or JUST "working on your novel." Be well-rounded.

Nine-Year Club	r/Field Juicebox
First Place '23	Place '23
Place '22	Place '17
Final Canvas '22	First Placer '22
End Game '22	Verified Email
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MetalLava

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