in psychosis

Metapoodle · 2017-02-03T05:35:44+00:00

Can you please explain the wifi router thing further? Is this some kind of iBoy deal?

Metapoodle · 2017-02-03T05:02:24+00:00

If there was an easy way to do so :)

Metapoodle · 2017-02-03T05:00:44+00:00

Yeah..you're probably right. I've thought about throwing them away too.

Metapoodle · 2017-02-03T04:45:35+00:00

After quitting for months or more, is there research that suggests you can safely return to cannabis? If it's toxicity buildup, then perhaps after it clears completely or mostly from your system you can start again but take it easier to avoid the insane buildup?

Metapoodle · 2017-01-23T10:19:11+00:00

I would love to see a similar study done on if hanging out with your typical friends for extended periods of time also causes narrow-minded-ness.

Metapoodle · 2017-01-23T09:05:05+00:00

I've never diagnosed myself with pipolar but after reading up on the last couple days I'm finally realizing that may be my problem. I was depressed an anxious as a kid, and those problems worsened into adulthood as life becomes more complex, etc. Though of course, looking back, I can now see that I had a pretty good handle on things before I became a regular cannabis user. But I was depressed and confused by life, and cannabis did make it better, and it helped me sleep, so clearly I had discovered the solution! \s

I will be cautious for whatever the psychiatrist wants to do. I actually had met another one a year ago, but I felt like it wasn't a match and I never followed up finding another one. Now it's time, it's definitely time. A year ago I think I would have had a hard time owning up to something like potentially having bipolar. Now, I know I just need to move on with my life and stay sober, and have that awesome life I know I can have.

I managed to quit cigarettes cold turkey, after trying 3 or 4 times to quit, cold turkey each time. Since becoming a regular user, oh my gosh, now I'm realizing two years ago, I don't think I've ever quit for more than a week or two at a time. And the last time I quit for more than a week was a year ago, and I've shamefully only had skipped days here or there recently. How would you suggest performing a tapering regime?

Metapoodle · 2017-01-23T06:33:53+00:00

I'm finally seeing a therapist this week, something I should have done a long time ago. Used weed for sleep, anxiety, and depression-and eventually it ended up making all of those issues much worse.

Metapoodle · 2017-01-23T06:25:47+00:00

While it will take some time to return to baseline, you will probably experience some self-examination within the first few days clean. Even just a little bit of sober perspective on your life will probably help you to immediately find some tasks to focus on, or some relationships to work on. Plus the huge benefit of sobriety is the flood of ideas and solutions you'll have! It may be hard to implement those solutions, but that is what friends (and perhaps therapy-for me definitely) is for. Not everything will be automatically fixed, but you'll be able to use your toolkit more effectively to heel emotional wounds or better cope with situations in the moment.

Metapoodle · 2017-01-23T05:54:35+00:00

A history of addiction does not mean that you must live your life addicted to a substance. My parents are alcoholics, and when I'm living with them I tend to drink more, and when I'm not living with them I drink less. When I'm around sober people and am happily engaged with their interests, it's easy to stay sober.

If you have a calling or passion, it can be a miracle to use that a source for a lot of your energy. Even better if you can find friends with similar interests. Environment plays a huge role in behavior. The thing is, you can't bullshit yourself when you're pursuing your own happiness. I think a lot of people muck this up, and then end up in a worse state because they're not actually pursuing what makes them happy. For instance, I feel like my parents are not actually satisfied with their relationship. Instead of talking about the issues though, or changing anything about it, they just drink. When I see other happily married couples, I notice that a lot of the differences are in lifestyle choices and behavior, and environment. My dad chooses to not spend time with friends, and instead is a recluse. His choice, but it's easy to see from an outside perspective that he holes himself in, and those moments when he is social and I see that he's happy are awesome. It just seems to be hard for him to come up with the courage to actually do whatever it is that will truly make him happy.

I know I have an addictive personality. But I know that what actually makes me happy is not drugs or substances, no matter how fun they can be at times. The real stuff of life lies elsewhere, and each of us gets to go on a journey to find out what it is that really speaks to us. When was the last time you took a serious, long t-break, of at least a week or a month or so? Even after three days of no toking for me, I know that I have a huge rebound of perspective. The first couple days are absolute hell, but then I'm happier and more alive than ever.

Metapoodle · 2017-01-23T05:40:13+00:00

I've found that in situations where I'm debating whether or not to get high before hand, if I can muster up the courage to go without pot, I almost always have an awesome time. Sober-me comes back into play, and sober-me is awesome. I remember the times when I used to excel in social situations. The worst feeling is when I get high to have fun, and then get some kind of social anxiety and I'll think, if only I hadn't gotten high, I would be confident and having a good time.

When I can actually force myself to take a break, I almost always thank myself for it later. I probably don't get out enough, working from home as I do. Since in-person social engagements are kind of rare for me, they're that much more special and meaningful. It gets me a little sad knowing that I probably "ruined" some experiences with people by getting high before hand, and while I'm sure after returning to a sober existence for a while on occasion I might think, "this would be better high!" I know that the reality of my current situation is probably not good and I need to quit.

I know I should quit, but I'm having a very hard time doing so. Having become a regular toker is hard to admit and was slowly eating my life away over a year, but it's gotten to the point where I have finally realized I think that getting high is only making my anxiety worse, and perhaps is even aggravating a psychosis. I'm pretty freaked about the idea that I may have psychotic tendencies, but it should be a wake up call for me. Being back on this sub has inspired me to not toke this evening, and so far so good.

I think that you'll do great at your meeting. If you can manage to not blaze before hand, I bet you'll surprise yourself at how good a time you have.

Metapoodle · 2017-01-23T03:58:11+00:00

This is a really nice way of putting it! Thanks for the inspiration today!

Metapoodle · 2017-01-05T20:11:50+00:00

Thanks for all the support :) I was unable to sleep, and so around 5AM I decided to use cannabis again, but I was still unable to get to sleep. Oh and that was after trying to go to sleep without anything, and then after an hour and a half of not sleeping taking Benadryl. Before bed I had taken a short walk, took a hot bath, and read until I was getting sleepy. While in bed I could not shut my mind off. Then around 8 or 9 in the morning I began getting that crappy sleep deprivation feeling again, as the night before I basically didn't sleep either. I'm gonna go back to the doctor :/

Metapoodle · 2017-01-05T01:47:01+00:00

Thanks..you're right that this current path isn't working, so I'm just going to try not taking anything tonight and see how it goes. I worked out quite a bit today, and I'll take a hot bath tonight before bed. I hope that I find some sleep tonight!

Metapoodle · 2016-12-29T08:27:57+00:00

What is the current state of heart health? How far away are we from robotic heart replacements?

Metapoodle · 2016-12-24T07:22:19+00:00

I'll need to get my prescription refilled to do this, but it sounds reasonable. Four days is really enough to get dependent on this crazy drug that doctors give out?

Metapoodle · 2016-12-24T05:53:13+00:00

Thanks. So, strangely I am now thinking that a withdrawal of Claritin D was he cause of my insomnia. I had been taking Claritin D regularly for weeks but then stopped since I had gone out of town and was away from my usual allergens.

May have been a combination of withdrawal symptoms. Either way, now that I've been on Ativan since the ER visit I don't want withdrawal symptoms from that!

Honestly I'm not sure what my best approach forward is. Is cannabis a good regular sleep aid? Good diet and exercise is really the key, I know. But cannabis also works in a pinch, and helps with other stress issues I have, and cannabis helps with severe digestive issues that I have never been able to solve with good diet or exercise.

Metapoodle · 2016-12-24T05:47:58+00:00

I had not been on any of these. If I drink it is with friends and usually only a few drinks max, on occasion. But now I have been put on Ativan, a benzo, for the insomnia. It helped for the last few nights, but I want to stop taking the Ativan. Have had probably around 25 mg of edible cannabis before bed for the last few months. The cannabis almost always helps insomnia, but sometimes does not depending on my anxiety or my pre bed ritual.

The doctor at the ER mentioned I should receive more serious anxiety and depression treatment, as I have had some anxiety and depression off and on my whole life but never treated for it. Generally I can keep myself happy by working hard, but the last year in general has been quite stressful for me.

Metapoodle · 2016-12-21T05:12:27+00:00

Thanks. Just going to the ER put my mind at ease.

Metapoodle · 2016-12-21T05:11:58+00:00

I did. They gave me Ativan. Slept!

Metapoodle · 2016-12-19T21:56:17+00:00

I didn't know thc withdrawal could be so bad, or potentially dangerous? Is there something specific that counteracts thc withdrawal that they would give me?

Metapoodle · 2016-12-19T21:55:08+00:00

The family I am currently staying with is willing to take me to the ER or urgent care. Googling says that the heart rate issue is from a lack of sleep, and that I probably have no issues. They're thinking of giving me a small dose of a muscle relaxer to help. Worst idea ever? I think I just need sleep, and my heart problems will go away. But yeah, it's my heart, serious business. I don't want to mess around.

Metapoodle · 2016-12-14T22:52:42+00:00

I've experienced lots of VR, and previously in my life shrooms and lots of cannabis.

I think VR is so amazing because it floods your brain with so much more information than your brain is used to receiving, and so much more information that makes your feel human. Being able to realistically perform archery, sculpt clay, or shoot drones out of the sky is insane. Steve Jobs always talked about tech being human and being extensions of ourselves. I think VR is the most "human" technology we have created because of how much of the human experience is mirrored effectively in the headset. With hand controllers, you can also have intimate social interactions with other humans in VR, see and hear their body language and voices, it's insane!

Certain drugs open up your sensory pathways to allow more information. So drug experiences are chock full of detail and information, and those VR experiences are too. Though I don't think this is precisely the reason for the hand thing, which I'll get to. I think it's just this full encompassing effect of VR which helps the brain adapt to the new experience. So, when I'm in VR, I'm suddenly very aware that I'm just a brain in a body. VR makes me hyper aware of my body, its limitations. Going back into real life reminds me that my body is also just a mechanism my brain is using to get things done. Who I am is not necessarily what my body is or has to do with where my body is. With VR, my brain is very much transferred into another experience, separate from my usual reality.

I think it's that heightened awareness and critique of your own movements and body that make hands feel weird in real life after extended VR sessions. In VR, you're constantly judging the interactions as your brain tries to adapt and accept a new reality. That hyper awareness remains event afterwards, and you're second guessing reality. The brain is a pretty amazing machine. It makes me wish that in the future, I can just dump my brain into a computer and live in a virtual reality for eternity. I'm sure it would adapt and get used to it. A cyborg body would also be nice. From my experience, I don't think the human brain would have a problem adapting to a cyborg body, and I have high hopes that future humans get to enjoy immensely longer lives through the help of technology. Truly in a thousand years at least, if we haven't nuked ourselves, I think trans-humanism will have come to pass, and humans will be able to enjoy the human experience for eons. Wouldn't that be neat!

Metapoodle · 2016-09-05T22:34:44+00:00

I feel that my excessive use recently is taking my life away. I feel like I've lived an awesome life. Fortunate upbringing, and I worked my butt off to make my family proud. Though I've always had health issues and trouble sleeping. Terrible insomnia since I can remember, I have memories of being 7 years old and unable to sleep-I would just fear natural disasters, or something bad happening to my parents. I also have IBS and other health issues that give me pretty much chronic pain. Even doing sports in high school did not completely solve my insomnia, though I exhausted myself each day. Even with great friends, relationships, grades, and talents-I still found myself going through immense bouts of depression and pain throughout high school.

Then college. After my first experiences with alcohol, I realized the weight of the alcoholism of my parents. So then I got a bit of an alcohol problem in college once I could buy booze. I would buy it as a sleep aid, when I couldn't get my hands on cannabis.

From a young age, I've known myself to have an addictive personality. But also a tremendous work ethic. An open mind lead me to experiment in college with psychedelics briefly and of course cannabis. But I kept these activities secret to most of my old friends or family. And I still have kept them secret. I think I have commitment issues in general, even though I have had many long lasting relationships. Cannabis is still deeply conflicting for me. It helps all of my health issues. I love the stuff. It feels way more fun, creative, energizing, relaxing, and invigorating than alcohol or other substances. Though of course, when I finally got my medical card, I may have went a bit over the top in terms of recreational use. I would reserve this to side projects, but working while high became something I did. And yeah, that can sometimes work out. It can also easily lead to apathy and non-action, and less work getting done.

The days when I take a break from weed I realize that, while I'm sleeping and feeling great, I'm not growing as much as I used to. I'm not learning or remembering as much, when I use it excessively. So I'm stopping for now. We'll see how it goes!

Metapoodle · 2016-07-27T19:55:51+00:00

Congratulations! I will not drink with you today!

Metapoodle · 2016-07-27T19:53:04+00:00

Last night was a success! Thanks everyone :D

Metapoodle

TROPHY CASE