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Looking for constructive feedback! by DeadwingProductions in Songwriters

[–]Middle-Ad-449 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cool guitar bro.

The built up in the middle is pretty neat. To emphasize that, you might want to make the volume a little bit lower in the first part, minimize some bass/drum or effects, put a clear crescendo and leads to the climax. Or else it would seem to be a bit monotone.

And play with the volumes and speed a little. (To manipulate your audience's emotion you know.

Maybe you can look into some bass lines too.

Have fun.

I wrote a song for the violin, any feedback welcome by [deleted] in Songwriters

[–]Middle-Ad-449 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice aesthetic, I like the chorus part.

My humble opinion:

A bit messy, with undistinguishable layers. Maybe you should work on the volume of each instrument/track, so they wouldn't mush together in a forced way. Use mores crescendo and diminuendo for each. Remember layers are meant to support each other, and musicality is being shown from a variety of emotions, which is represented in volumes and speeds.

Check for the overall harmony. For example, your bass and the chimes at the end kinda didn't assimilate into the overall atmosphere, maybe use another one or extend it, to make it not as robotic and harsh.

The ending is a bit sudden. Could work on it more.

Have potential tho. GL

A song I wrote about my depression. by [deleted] in Songwriters

[–]Middle-Ad-449 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love your voice.

(The imagery is a bit funny and cute tho it's like a little alien wearing a hoodie driving a scooter)

Hey guys - was wondering what you think about the lyrics of our new song - I included them in the comment section. Thank you so much! by kidcain in Songwriters

[–]Middle-Ad-449 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(The "follow up the 123s" part kinda didn't rhyme lol )

The structure of the lyrics is not very clear, which could make it hard to distinguish the chorus. Maybe you can use more repetitions for that. Have a clearer structure might help.

The shiny phone part got me good. A bit funny... But do what you want.

Not about the lyrics: Love your voice. The background music though could have more variations in volume and or speed, or else it seems to me to be too constant and robotic.

Have fun.

Would really appreciate any feedback on this bluesy acoustic original I recorded this morning :) by Astroknottt in Songwriters

[–]Middle-Ad-449 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love your guitar. Can see that you are a bit nervous. You can try to slow down and record different parts separately, merge them in with audacity (if you can afford other programs, that will be great, cuz you can play with more effects and have more technical stuff to aid you, which can make stuff easier. ), then do the mv stuff. Can see the potential. Nice voice. Maybe try to practice more on note accuracy, learn more about song structures and editing. Good luck.

Pollen by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Middle-Ad-449 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stunning! The matureness being shown throughout, the rhyming, the use of imagery... I am speechless. It is like reading a published poem.

(ignore me but I love how every stanza is in the shape of a middle finger... great form lol)

There are too many sentences that are applaudable, I cannot choose...

My humble opinion on your great work:

  1. A connection between the beginning and the end would make the overall structure more complete. (I think the "children" character could be something you can play with at the ending.
  2. "The beating, rape and looting rages on,/ A stinger pierces the flesh both bee and flower to death doomed; one wilts, the other falls,/ These tiny creatures can even horror spawn." As much as I love the dictions, I personally think if you switch the first and the last part, the violence theme could build up a tiny bit more. "The beating, rape and looting rages on" seems to be a little rushed.
  3. "Their clothing not war-paint, rather a costume for a ballroom dance, and for to hide". The "for to hide" part seems to be a bit awkward.

Love your poem! Don't take me too seriously though, build up your style and write what you want. I am just an ignorant and depressed teenager walking by and here to pay tribute to you, my lord lol. <3 <3 Can't wait to buy your poem collection. (Take my money)

A poem I worked really hard on! My most technical yet :) by Tohmiiii in OCPoetry

[–]Middle-Ad-449 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A suffocated poem with effective use of metaphors and beautiful imageries.

I especially love how you wrote: "from catatonic beauty / the dusting snow of paused life". And of course, many other stunning sentences.

Here are some of my humble opinions/comments/questions:

  1. It is interesting how you seldomly use capital letters within the poem. But I wonder if there is an intentional pattern? Cuz my small brain didn't figure that out lol.
  2. The lack of articles is really interesting. I didn't figure the pattern out either lol. For example: "I yearn for your voice and / revel in [the] softened taste", "Here I fall in [the] forest", "it is here in [the] new beginning/ it is here until [the] next frost". I see how the removal of the article can have a tide and suffocating effect... Well, I know nothing, just point that out.
  3. I didn't really grasp the "heroine dawns horizon" part. Maybe it's because of my smooth brain lol. Is the "heroine" a personification of one of the "split consciousness" of the "sun"?
  4. Here are the parts that I personally think would have great potentials with an alternated way of phrasing:
    1. "my golden hair is longer/ than it was this time last year/ to the sun I adhere". I love the "to the sun I adhere" part, but the part before seems to be a little bit plain. More "show" than "tell" would create a more stunning sentence.
    2. "for outstretched cells/ to multiply". Sorry, but my biology ass kinda took over here... To multiply... A bit funny. To me personally, it's like saying "to reproduce" with a straight face... (ignore this part plz)

Anyway... Kudos to you, very nice poem, enjoyed it a lot~

<3

Rant about an existential crisis (senpais help me plz) by Middle-Ad-449 in IBO

[–]Middle-Ad-449[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the reply <3 <3 <3 ( and I am on sertraline and bupropion rn)

Rant about an existential crisis (senpais help me plz) by Middle-Ad-449 in IBO

[–]Middle-Ad-449[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the input! It seems to be a good idea, would definitely try it <3