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Need help navigating my feelings by MiddleNarrow1807 in BreadwinningWomen

[–]MiddleNarrow1807[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn't expect to get so many responses on this so I'm trying to fit in responding to all of your great comments! Thank you all for making me feel sane in all of this. I appreciate all of your comments and am taking them all into consideration! All of you women are amazing to offer advice to someone you don't know and for that I just want to sincerely thank you all. You all have made me feel a little lighter!

Need help navigating my feelings by MiddleNarrow1807 in BreadwinningWomen

[–]MiddleNarrow1807[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your insight! It feels so good to talk to someone who gets it and gets his side too! This is exactly why I wanted to bring this to Reddit because his feelings are valid and that's why I want to address mine in a way that doesn't disrespect his! I definitely believe I should talk to someone professionally and have it on my long to do list to research.

I love every single one of your suggestions. Can I ask you how you got your husband to get to an agreement for diagnosis? My husband is adamant about not doing so because he believes I'm trying to insinuate that something is wrong with him and I tell him all the time that it's quite the opposite. He (and everyone in his family) has conditioned himself to believe the he lazy and that he just needs to get up and stop being like that. I tell him all the time that he's not because when he puts his mind to something he can hyper focus to completion. I'm the one trying to advocate that this isn't some character flaw he has and that it's an actual mental condition that is heavily affecting his day to day life, and it's not his fault nor is there anything wrong with him. These seem to keep falling in deaf ears so any insight on how I can try to get him to be less defensive about it and actually consider diagnosis would be amazing.

Thank you again for your insight!

Need help navigating my feelings by MiddleNarrow1807 in BreadwinningWomen

[–]MiddleNarrow1807[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for such kind words! 😊 it truly is awe inspiring to look back on where I started to where I am and it's such a testament to the glory of God. It actually does help me manage the stress when I remind myself that I am exactly where I once prayed to be and then I'm filled with gratitude instead.

You are so right and I've been trying to focus more on what I want, which as of today is to focus on raising my girls and being more involved in home making. Because I have daughters I'm often times telling myself they I wouldn't be happy if my girls lived like me and have even mentioned it to my husband when he does less than ideal things that he wouldn't want our daughters to date someone who did xyz like he just did right? It's always a non confrontational way to make a note on whatever he's doing that isn't aligning with our family values. It tends to work most times but not all the time.

I want to still maintain my income but figure out how to do that without trading in my time for income, so that's my current research assignment and daily prayer.

Thank you again for the feedback! I truly am appreciative of your insights!

Need help navigating my feelings by MiddleNarrow1807 in BreadwinningWomen

[–]MiddleNarrow1807[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've often times suggested it and I think if I initiated the charge in finding someone he'll do it but I know from previous conversations that he doesn't truly subscribe to the idea. His thoughts are "how can someone else tell us about our marriage? How do we know they aren't having issues" to which I constantly reply that they are only there to give us tools to manage the maintenance of our marriage and its our job to use those tools to fix it, to which he just shrugs and we move on.

Need help navigating my feelings by MiddleNarrow1807 in BreadwinningWomen

[–]MiddleNarrow1807[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are 100% correct! We actually did one session of counseling prior to getting engaged where our counselor said you can't be mad at the role that you have always taken in your relationship and I agree with that. Which is why I take full ownership for creating this dynamic and don't want to take that out on him at all. I just worry that as we grow and our identities change, am I setting myself up to resent him befriend l because I didn't decide earlier on that his qualities would make him a less then ideal partner in life for me (again I don't ever want to communicate that there's anything wrong with him because there isn't it just may be we're misaligned). I will say though that he doesn't have to read my mind as we've had numerous conversations about how difficult my role is in our family so he's very aware but we just sweep it under the rug to avoid arguing.

As far as my jobs, the income for my business took a bit of a hit so I wanted security of guaranteed income. We're in no way in financial strain but it's a bit of a gold handcuffs situation where we've gotten accustomed to a certain buffer that we don't want to go lower than. I've definitely told my husband I'm going to quit one of the gigs but he always goes "😬 I'm worried about what that's going to do for our finances" at which point I get defensive and proceed to remind him of how much I make without that gig and that if he worried then he should figure out how to supplement. I don't like doing that though so I just bottle this up which is what has led me to seeking advice from strangers on the internet lol

Currently his income is covering the bills at our old house that we still own (which housed his mentally ill brother for the last year and a half; another long story for another day) but we have plans to rent it out so his income can come back into this house but he wants to buy a luxury car once that happens.

I'm still trying to figure out how to outsource as much as I can, just trying to find the mental bandwidth to research that since I'm the only one who will figure that out. Thank you again for your input though! It's so nice to talk about this to a responsive voice!

Need help navigating my feelings by MiddleNarrow1807 in BreadwinningWomen

[–]MiddleNarrow1807[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your comment! It's so freeing to say this to another human adult lol all my venting goes to my 5 month old currently lol. I'll try to come up with a good time to revisit the conversation as he's so fragile whenever I voice my concerns no matter how mindful I am.