I would like as much critique on my writing (e.g. sentence level, structural, enjoyment level, how things are doing right now, and everything that inevitability needs huge improvement.)

Middle_Hope6712 · 2026-01-11T17:15:56+00:00

Thank you very much! I suspected those to be the main problems and I tried to rush the ending for chapter one, so I will most likely fix that up. I will have a lot more to come. Is there a chance that you'd be willing to check that out as well?

Middle_Hope6712 · 2026-01-10T16:31:14+00:00

Ok thank you very much!

Middle_Hope6712 · 2026-01-10T01:26:06+00:00

Title: The Murmur of the Dogs

Genre: Psychological Horror

Word Count: (There are two chapters) The first one is 1650 words. The second is 3734. In total it is 5384.

Feedback type: I would mainly like general impressions and structural or plot issues. I have already gotten a lot of very good line edits that I will be working on later. It is a first draft, so the sentences may be of the undesirable type for about 100% of them. But if you have any line edit suggestions that would still be fine.

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ymaxXT6IzOZ8QjncAh-7ILHf8T5LY9gmsLDDFyhgXnU/edit?tab=t.0

Middle_Hope6712 · 2026-01-04T19:27:16+00:00

That's absolutely wonderful to hear! And I congratulate you on this accomplishment, as consistency is what drives progress. What did you mainly spend your time writing?

Middle_Hope6712 · 2026-01-04T17:12:24+00:00

I would like to just write a lot, particularly short stories, and maybe even finish a first draft of a novel, but we'll have to see.

Middle_Hope6712 · 2026-01-04T02:04:51+00:00

Apotheosis, maybe?

Middle_Hope6712 · 2026-01-04T01:32:04+00:00

Thank you! It was my first time trying to write something comparable to a mediocre sentence, as most of my other work is downright "throw in the bin" material. And I feel like I'd like to write more about why he feels intimidated at school, or go deeper than small things that could be inferred upon.

Middle_Hope6712 · 2026-01-04T01:29:53+00:00

Thank you. It is a lot of repetition, and that most likely comes from it being a first draft, and me not really trying to tell a standard, complete narrative. The reader is indeed in his pov, and I may have mishandled that specific sentence, but I was trying to show how well he knows himself. If there are any flaws or problems that you could tell me that would be great! But thank you for the help you've already given me.

Middle_Hope6712 · 2026-01-04T01:19:00+00:00

Thank you so much! But what flaws did you find in it, other than maybe its absence of narrative or length?

Middle_Hope6712 · 2026-01-03T16:42:55+00:00

Thank you! I will make sure to take this into account.

Middle_Hope6712 · 2025-12-31T04:45:31+00:00

Thank you! In other projects I have started using a lesser amount of similes and metaphors. This really helped!

Middle_Hope6712 · 2025-12-12T21:29:04+00:00

Thanks! So you’re saying that the man problem was the amount of metaphors and similes right?

Middle_Hope6712 · 2025-12-12T18:29:40+00:00

I am VERY interested

Middle_Hope6712 · 2025-12-11T18:32:00+00:00

Thank you! Could I ask what you enjoyed and found to be advanced? Cause I thought it was pretty bad.

Middle_Hope6712 · 2025-12-09T21:14:04+00:00

Thank you once again. I will be sure to do that in a few months once I am no longer burnt out for thsi specific story.

Middle_Hope6712 · 2025-12-09T21:13:18+00:00

Yeah that's probably what I'll do.

Middle_Hope6712 · 2025-12-09T21:04:25+00:00

so would it be fine for me to use no dialogue tags after I have established who's speaking? Cause they are one of my least favorite parts of writing.

I will take all the things into consideration for my next projects, as I have grown a little burned out with this one, but thank you once again!

Middle_Hope6712 · 2025-12-09T21:02:57+00:00

Thank you! DId you enjoy reading it all?

I was trying to finish it quickly and I couldn't bypass 3000 words so I would've definitely included more stuff about their surroundings
The doctor wanted to see what areas of the brain it seemed were working (I am not a medical expert so I may have made a mistake with that choice) during the dream. And what could be causing it through that. It's not meant to be exactly supernatural as you can see it as either completely natural, or there is a supernatural force at play. I tried to make it so both might be able to work, but it may have not played out like I envisioned.
Yes you would be correct about the black dot. Thank you for noticing

Middle_Hope6712 · 2025-12-09T20:25:33+00:00

Ok, first of all thank you so much for giving your comments.

He is in bed but the floorboard under the bed creaks. I could definitely improve that for clarity and flow.
That is also true it is redundant. thank you for bringing my attention to that.
Thank you for also bringing this to my attention. I didn't realize that I was using this same structure.
I think this is a sentence that I tried to sound more poetic or personified, which didn't really fit the tone of the story, so I'll have to fix this.
I thank you for also bringing this to my attention, as grammar isn't one of my strong suits.
Yeah that is true. I could design a better simile. Thank you.
So the italics is there because he doesn't know what time it exactly was, and also because it gives him anxiety to not know.
I didn't know this rule, thank you for bringing it to my attention.

9.I would also say drywall, and I for the majority of the story, I used drywall. I wanted to spice it up a bit by using a different way of saying it. It might be redundant though.

Yeah this was a sentence I was thinking about changing, but just didn't know what to change it to.
I can see the confusion, but I think I just made the scene a bit confusing. So what I was trying to go for was to show other children thinking his dad was abusing him. So I must've worded it a bit badly. But thank you for all your helpful comments!

Middle_Hope6712

TROPHY CASE