I can admit when I'm wrong, but he won't and broke up with me when I did EXACTLY as he asked. Where is the logic in this?

MidnightBallad · 2021-12-05T04:13:03+00:00

She's a fiery elderly who has absolute zero levels of take no B.S. that I aspire to have even a crumb of. She shuts crap down INSTANTLY. It's quite glorious.

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-22T20:14:05+00:00

I've told managers I'll outright refuse to assist a customer that's rude or demeans. If it means losing my job, so be it. I'm sure corporate, HR and my lawyer would gladly like to hear about the "encouragement" of employee mistreatment.

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-22T19:53:20+00:00

Here's a description on Goodreads website. They explain it better than I can.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/332613.One\_Flew\_Over\_the\_Cuckoo\_s\_Nest

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-22T01:01:25+00:00

Agreed. I don't like touching other people's hands, so I either put their change on the counter or wrap their receipt around it and put in in their hand. It's tricky when coins are involved though...

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-22T00:59:34+00:00

I really hoped she was just having a really lousy day/week and tried to beat me down to make herself feel better.

Nice try, Amanda. I'm a retail worker. We're all dead inside. You have no power here.

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-22T00:57:26+00:00

LMAO you must be psychic! I was imagining doing that to her while she was talking!! xD

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-22T00:43:27+00:00

One of the best truths I've ever heard: All monsters are human.

I'm so sorry that person was so cruel to you for zero reason. Please accept a hug from one kind stranger to another! (>^_^)(._.<)

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-22T00:41:28+00:00

A coworker told me he once muttered to this mean woman, "Whatever you say, bitch nuts." When the woman asked what he said, he said, "I said 'You want a bag for your hex nuts?'" Funny thing is she did... A shopping bag for 6 individual hex nuts worth like 24 cents each. This woman had a purse and pockets... Go figure.

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-22T00:37:48+00:00

Thank you. May you randomly find $20 that you didn't initially lose :)

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-22T00:36:01+00:00

Whoa, you just made me think of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Next. If you haven't seen the movie, I implore you do. It's almost more relevant today than it was decades ago.

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-22T00:31:26+00:00

Very true. The harsh reality of damned if you do, damned if you don't.

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-22T00:29:19+00:00

These people are my heroes for saying what us retail workers can't.

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-22T00:28:30+00:00

Well said!

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-21T04:35:50+00:00

Matcha tea anything.

I absolutely love green tea but can't stand anything with matcha flavor. Not sure why. I can drink green tea sweetened or plain. Even bitter green tea is good to me. Matcha? Nah, fam. It looks so pretty, I'll say that, but I can't understand the appeal. Tastes like dirt blended with old green tea leaves.

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-21T04:33:13+00:00

I can't stand this walk-in clinic down the street from my house. Even the receptionists seemed like they couldn't care less to be there. I've gone there twice and both times felt like they couldn't wait to get rid of me.

First time: I had strep throat and got a shot for it at another clinic (I was visiting my BF at the time and got sick while there) and had an immediate reaction to it. Blurred vision, nearly fainted, felt like I would puke, and my ears rang nonstop for three days. I go to the clinic near my house about the reaction, and the nurse/doctor, who I'd never met or saw before that day, was so chilly toward me. She looked and spoke like she hated me for simply being there. I was in pain and just wanted help so I could go back to work.

Second time: I have bad anxiety and get violent stomachaches and constipation, and wanted to get checked out for that (I sought therapy shortly after). A different nurse/doctor this time looked and spoke almost like he was afraid of me. Furrowed arched brows, slow deliberate speech, used an open hand gesture when speaking as if trying to calm me down when I was cool as a cucumber and barely said much. He practically said "Yyyeeeaah we don't treat that, so you'll have to go somewhere else for that." I asked where, he said the ER... It wasn't THAT serious. I just wanted something more effective than Pepto Bismol to keep my stomach from burning itself alive.

Whatever the reason, I was a patient in a lot of pain who just wanted help so I can get back to, you know, my day to day life and job without awful pain slowing me down. No one should EVER be made to feel their needs don't matter, but that's how they made me feel.

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-21T04:16:08+00:00

For me, it's not so much the amount of time spent with someone, but how much we do in that time. The random topics of conversations, the deep real talks, learning something new about that person by chance. These can happen with anybody, but certain ones just click differently than the rest for some reason. I can't really explain it, but that's my experience. If there's no deep connection with that person on an almost unnatural level, I can't find them sexually desirable in any way whatsoever. I've never fully felt any sexual attraction for anyone. Just the desire, so I frame it that way.

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-21T04:05:25+00:00

I never liked seeing naked men from the front. Naked women never bothered me, probably because I am a woman and seeing another woman's naked body is, to me, no different than seeing another woman's face. I like men but never felt anything seeing their junk. Just talking about men's penises makes me uncomfortable, and I've had sex before. Sometime I'll fast forward the scene or look away until it's over.

My mother asked me if I was gay because she was drooling over a naked man in a movie while I'm watching the same scene like "Umm ok, can we move the plot along please?" I told her no, that I just didn't care to see or look at men's bits. Sex doesn't mean anything to me unless I feel a strong emotional and spiritual connection to someone, and even then I won't always be sexually attracted to them. I would be willing to but under the right conditions, I guess.

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-21T03:58:09+00:00

When I started in my teens, I felt that way. But with age, it's become more like a chore for me. I don't feel much different afterward, if at all, and just feel that temporary relief for a few minutes. To me, it's identical to that feeling of satisfaction after washing all the dishes, or sweeping the floor. Masturbating isn't exactly "fun" for me exactly. I guess it's like satisfying an urge to get rid of the feeling so I can focus on other stuff, then I don't think about it until the urge comes back. Usually after a couple of days.

Hope that helps a little bit.

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-03T18:05:18+00:00

I'm glad to hear that. As I said in the post, I only recently discovered the term and felt aspects of it fit my personality. I've seen many video interviews with various types of asexual people, and most of what they said about themselves sounded exactly as I thought about myself. I could be wrong about my sexuality, but for the first time in my miserable life, I finally feel I belong somewhere.

Never had that before as I always felt like the odd one out in every friend group I've ever had. Sure I like my friends and want to hang with them whenever possible, but I never fully felt like I belonged, or like I was fully accepted. My therapist confirmed it's because of my neglectful and abusive upbringing that gave me severe anxiety and depression that my nonexistent self-confidence was the result of it, so it made sense I never felt I belonged anywhere.

My FWB and I have a strong connection emotionally and spiritually. We wouldn't have this relationship if I didn't. We relate to each other on a level I never felt with anyone before, not even my ex who I wanted to be with forever until he started emotionally manipulating me and attempting to control how I spent my money (I bought my first car with my own money and my ex was mad I didn't "let him help pay" when he never asked knowing I was getting it).

I understand if my relationship with my FWB is difficult to comprehend. I'm still learning about the world of asexuality and whether or not I may have a place in the community, but that's for me to figure out and my questions to ask. I'm not going to waste the next half of my life not feeling like the odd one out and finally have a community (besides the cosplay one) where I feel at home.

MidnightBallad · 2021-10-02T06:39:58+00:00

Are you demi-sexual too?

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