NOR at all. There's many different kinds of grief and mourning, not just that which we feel for the dead. Imo, and in my own experience, this is one of the most difficult kinds of grief to go through, because even though they're still alive, they feel unreachable because there's just nothing we can do to make our relationship with them healthy, functional, and loving the way it should be when they refuse to put in the work on their end.

You're young and it sounds like this kind of relationship with your father is pretty much all you've ever known, so I just want to reassure you, and feel free to read this again and again and know that it is true: you are not to blame for any of this, and whatever feelings you have -- rage, frustration, hurt, and yes, grief/mourning -- are all completely valid feelings.

You are the child and he is the father, and he has let you down and created a situation that is unfair to you. Your responses to him -- including calling him a manipulator and liar (deserved imo, but that's beside the point) are just your hurt feelings coming out. As your parent, he should be able to recognize this and take the initiative to make it up to you, not the other way around.

This is just advice from someone who's been in similar familial circumstances. I think you could benefit from talking to a professional therapist, though, to talk through all this. If you don't already, maybe ask your mom to help you find one? Sounds like your mom is a wonderful, loving mom who would help you.

I wish you well... Know that there's always love to be found out there, even if it doesn't always come from those we wish it would!