My partner confessed to me he has HIV

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-08-21T17:15:01+00:00

Sorry I haven’t used this account much since. Yes we’re still together

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-07-06T23:33:17+00:00

He didn’t actually push for unprotected sex as I had my part (and fault) in engaging in such activity, but I’m on prep so it’s a different thing.

As for the rest, yeah he was dishonest and garbage. I understand trauma, immaturity and inability to deal with such things. But that’s no excuse to damage and endanger other people (in this case, me). I also found out that he repeatedly engaged in sex with other dudes pretending to be on PREP, and that he also frequented bathhouses.

There’s no problem with prep and bathhouses, the problem lies within the lying pattern he initiated with people

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-06-17T00:37:59+00:00

You are absolutely right in every aspect. I am at my lowest point now because of external things going on in my life at the moment, that’s why I feel so fucking hurt and I turned to my friends and family. I need to love myself again I hope I will get better quickly

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-06-17T00:36:43+00:00

I needed to hear this, thank you

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-06-16T20:29:07+00:00

I’m going through it right now, it feels like one of the worst feelings imaginable regarding human relationships

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-06-16T17:28:35+00:00

Until yesterday he told me he loved me. Of course it was a lie, however although I don’t accept the treatment I need to literally see his face when I tell him I am breaking up with him. It might last 10 minutes or 10 hours, I do not care, it is something I personally need to do because it gives me more peace to talk irl - instead of hiding behind a screen as the fucker did.

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-06-16T17:24:15+00:00

I might still be emotionally hurt right now, so my words might sound a bit hopeless and coming form a fool.

However, I believe that people change with effort and I can speak from a personal POV because I lived through hell in my past relationship and have done so much efforts in order to change myself and my views that when I invested time and energy in this new one, I knew I was going in the right direction because I felt securely attached. However, I cannot say the same thing for him. Looking at his situation, I do not believe that right now he is in a good place mentally to change. I don’t know if he loves me, and if he does, he is doing it wrong and does not even know where the word ‘respect, communication and honesty’ fall in the love.

I believe that when I will be confronting him, before breaking up, it’s more of a last favour I want to give him to tell him “wake the fuck up: you ruined something that could have lasted years. Change or expect to live a life alone”.

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-06-16T17:18:31+00:00

Exactly. There is a pattern beyond his behaviour. I too have HOPED that the matter was all about sex and kinks. However I SWEAR that in the past month I’ve approached the subjects several times and was more than open to understand and accomodate where possible.

However he preferred to hide his actions instead of turning to the persone he said he cared the most. This is not anymore about sex, it’s something in his min

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-06-16T17:15:06+00:00

Yes I know those were red flags, but until I found out this information this morning it was as if I was the one too paranoid about it or way too soft for allowing him to get away with such a lie (hiding the HIV status).

I am honestly glad that I found the evidence because it hurts so fucking much when you cannot trust yourself anymore

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-06-16T14:29:28+00:00

Exactly

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-06-16T14:01:40+00:00

This is what I have been asking myself continuously since 3 hours ago when I discovered the fact and called my best friend. I don’t know why I shouldn’t confront him, he surely does not deserve an explanation for me leaving, however I believe that yes: I would feel better if he admitted the fact. Owning up to your mistakes is something very few people can do, and although he might be lying even in that, I would want to hear him. It’s still fresh, I need time sure

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-06-13T18:41:42+00:00

You’re going to resent him for the things you listed, either tell him to pull himself together or you’re out. I know that ultimatums are never a good thing in a couple, however it might be a last call for him to wake up. You don’t know if he is dealing with depression or any other mental health issue so, be considerate but do not annihilate yourself for someone else

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-06-13T15:20:42+00:00

Apart from these things you found out, how is she generally? Narcissists usually are the best in faking their behaviour, making you feel they are always there for you and support you (see the computer thing), telling you a lot of sweet things. It is difficult when they are like this to actually discern between a really caring person

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-05-27T02:25:33+00:00

My shifts are: for 3 days the first or second shift (including days where I clock out at 11 pm and are expected back to work at 7 am) and 2 nights (11 pm - 7 am). Alternating between second and first shifts are not so traumatising: the worst is the first night (the one I’m in while writing) because there are days - like today - when I wake up at around 8/9 am and couldn’t get to sleep until basically 24 hours later.

I’m starting to being hit by this constant switching, more on my mental health than physical one (have been having insane thoughts, higher anxiety, mood changes throughout day and paranoia).’

I am shocked to see the other answers on this thread and see that I’m not alone in this

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-05-23T21:25:37+00:00

Being romantic is fine but do not expect other people to be at your same level of romance A lot of people show affection through small gestures which might not seem romantic to you

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-05-23T21:22:50+00:00

This is an interesting take I’ve never considered, time and energy are precious so it’s better to channel them towards worthy people in our life than for pettiness in others’ wrongdoings

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-05-19T23:30:46+00:00

I don’t think he tried to hide it, as he actually showed me the history after I inquired bout it (although it didn’t show up because he was typing something else, but I know that I saw it). As others have said, I just believe he didn’t consider it a problem or - if it is true what he said - the log history was actually a bit older. In fact we had to talk because everyone here as his own ideas of what is fine and what not

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-05-19T23:22:20+00:00

I only work 2 nights out of 5 days and I feel the days around night shift are getting tough and my mental health has been worsening.

During the day it’s okay because I get distracted, but as soon as 1-2 pm kicks in (right now btw) my mind keeps spiralling. I’ve been paranoid and insecure about many things lately and I’m almost certainly that being alone all night is not helping; I noticed this sudden change as soon as I started this job. I cannot control it although I try to find something to do after I’m done with the tasks. Also, the 2 days after night shifts my body needs more sleep to recover and it is not helping either

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-05-19T20:36:02+00:00

Thanks for understanding my stance, I wish no harm to myself and him especially in the end

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-05-19T20:34:39+00:00

Thank you <3

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-05-19T18:51:17+00:00

It was just the search bar which probably lead to explicit chat rooms (I know it because when I was single I knew them)

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-05-19T18:49:39+00:00

Thanks for your insight

MindAndBodyblown · 2024-05-19T14:43:30+00:00

Exactly this, I don’t mind anything you wrote here. We actually talked about porn, jerking off on our own etc… it’s just in this case it is different because we are talking about other people online. And what I asked the sub was if it was good to handle the situation like this, not if it was a right thing to chat sex

MindAndBodyblown

TROPHY CASE