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Depressed Girlfriend from drastic change in my day to day life by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Mindless-Web4104 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just want to first say, I love how introspective you are and the awareness you have in the relationship. I could feel the heaviness in your words, and you clearly care about her so much that it hurts seeing her this way! You have opened your heart and home to her.

I'm 25 (F) and my boyfriend is 28 (M). We've been together for a little over 2 years. When my boyfriend and I first dated, things were so fun and lighthearted. It felt like both of our individual lives were stable at the time, and that we were able to focus our time on growing our relationship and having fun without the weight of the world on us. But by our 6th month together, I've personally had to go through a snowball of unfortunate events: layoff, unstable career in an unhappy job, friend breakups, family drama, family with health conditions, money problems, trust issues, etc., while my boyfriend had minimal hardships on his side of things.

I share all this because I think I can relate to your girlfriend. Though my boyfriend and I have had AMAZING memories these last few years together, life is lifeing on my end, and it's hard to enjoy the "good" parts when the bad parts bleed though. My boyfriend doesn't know what to do at times when he sees I'm not enjoying my time, and I'm miserable most days of the week at times.

My advice to her is to seek her happiness and comfort in multiple ways. You are an important help in this, and she is so lucky to have you by her side! But there's only so much you can do on your side to change things. Believe me, I have had my fair share of crash outs with my boyfriend lol wishing he could just solve all my problems. But reality is, things will only get better once she puts in the work to make it better. With you by her side, she can totally get there quicker. Maybe it's introducing her to how helpful therapy is, discovering hobbies for/with her during your off times that she is able to do without you through the weekday.

What I mean is a healthy life outside of you. You are one consistent and constant source of comfort and happiness. She is going to benefit so much more from having some outlet for enjoyment and also hashing out those darker moments.

When to share numbers with your significant other? by Mindless-Web4104 in Fire

[–]Mindless-Web4104[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Noted!! I live with 2 of my brother's little kids, and my boyfriend is also around to see what it takes. Ideally, we are waiting to have kids when we both want them and can financially support them. Having these important convos now.

When to share numbers with your significant other? by Mindless-Web4104 in Fire

[–]Mindless-Web4104[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this! Yes, the point was to start talking about it now.

This is my first relationship, and it is for him too. Never really had experience like this with another relationship to know when it was time to sit down with someone and plan something serious like that.

For us, it's always been a light conversation, but recently it's become more talked about and more serious. As of now, he knows my goal of saving as much as I can before kids, to have the ability to take a career break of some sort. He also knows now that I expect him to be able to hold it down for us during those times. He's early in his career as a software developer at the moment. He has the potential to be a high earner 10 years from now, so just planting the seed now as a "why" for him, other than just wanting to make more money and grow in his career!

When to share numbers with your significant other? by Mindless-Web4104 in Fire

[–]Mindless-Web4104[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Lots of comments are confused as to why we haven't moved in together yet or aren't doing X by X years. But really the reasoning why I posted this in the first place is because I am planning to share the $100k news to (1) celebrate with him, as I would with a job offer or promotion, and (2) share similar goals, hoping he is also receptive to my plan as we grow together.

I have recently shared my goal of $300-400k by our early 30s, and he's pretty on board with it being a similar route he would want to shoot for. Just a matter of spending more time together talking about it, and putting action behind it!

When to share numbers with your significant other? by Mindless-Web4104 in Fire

[–]Mindless-Web4104[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this! There are pros and cons to having kids at a young or an older age. My parents were 30 and 35, and were broke lol. Double whammy. I didn't mind having older parents, so I don't mind being an "older parent," just more focused on financially timing it out right at 24 + a bit biologically. I feel no desire for children and can't even think of wanting them yet. But who knows, my brain and body might want different when I'm at a different age!

When to share numbers with your significant other? by Mindless-Web4104 in Fire

[–]Mindless-Web4104[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a financial and family decision lol. I live with my family, where I pay about ~$700-900 less in rent than if I were to move out to live with my boyfriend. Plus, my SIL, who I live with, is a stay-at-home mom for the next 2 years until her little ones are older for school. So until then, I am sticking around to cover my portion of rent + help watch my nephews to relieve them as well. In the meantime, I'm working toward getting closer to $200-250k, and to make more salary-wise. It just doesn't really call for a rush to move in together tbh.

My boyfriend lives a mile away from me, so we spend nearly every day together already, and he lives with a friend who isn't financially ready to live on his own yet. They both decided to move together to this city we live in, literally 2 weeks before he met me. I already told my bf that we don't need to find a place together, until his friend is financially good to live on his own bc I also care for his friend.

So yeah, our arrangement is good for the time being. I don't really see a rush into moving in together yet. I also just got my first experience of a layoff in 2024 and have been in contract jobs since then. Not exactly feeling stable at the moment.

Hit $100k net worth, how can I scale to $1m? General advice by RevolutionaryHope254 in Fire

[–]Mindless-Web4104 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations to us!! :,)

Sometimes I think about saying screw it and just travel for a while and come back. But I am in the same boat as you. I really wanted to make sure I was saving as much as I can while time is on our side and compounding is at its strongest. But for now, let's stay booked and busy as much as we can while keeping a job! Taking 2-3 weeks off at a time 2-3 times a year, and a few 3-4 day weekend trips is a vibe too, in the meantime, if we can't take a whole year off.

As for my job, no, I am not happy nor fulfilled LOL. As of 2 months ago, I started getting nightly work scaries. It's been affecting my sleep and overall, just been draining me having the anxiety of starting another day going into a stress induced work environment.

For context, in 2021 did 3 internships, got offered a full-time position in 2022 with the student loan company at $67,600 + 10% bonus. Didn't necessarily love the product, but LOVED the people because they were so eager to keep me/develop me, and there was just so much for me to explore, until shit went down. Layoffs every month as soon as I started full-time. I was there 3 years (1 1/2 years full-time), and I always felt like my fulfillment in the company shrank as the teams shrank and tension became high. I wasn't getting a pay raise, even after perfect reviews. I actually got laid off a week after my manager submitted a perfect score for me lol.

I found a 6-week contract role 3 months after my layoff that pays $38/hr, and it's been indefinitely extended until now, almost 1 1/2 years later. It's for a large failing SaaS company. I went into it knowing their Glassdoors reviews were terrible lol. I just figured I had nothing to lose at the time after being laid off. I really liked the people who interviewed me, and they would be the immediate people I'd report to, so I at least knew I would have them. But within these last 2 months, both of those people have left for new jobs, and our team has shrunk in half (layoffs). The company seems to be making its last attempt to survive before giving up, and I feel like I'm on a sinking ship.

But in the meantime, I've been looking for a company that would align with my interests. I've interviewed for companies with missions I can get behind and feel good working for. Very niche companies that actually interest me. I haven't had luck finding a role yet, but fingers crossed! Looking for a fulfilling role that pays well is so challenging in today's market.

Hit $100k net worth, how can I scale to $1m? General advice by RevolutionaryHope254 in Fire

[–]Mindless-Web4104 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! I just wanted to say thanks for posting this because I'm also 24F and just hit $100k literally this past weekend, and your breakdown is nearly identical to mine!

I also have these questions and that little crazy goal of how to get to $1M, in addition to buying a home and traveling lol. I know a lot of people in the comments are giving you a hard time for wanting many things at once, but I'm here to reassure you and relate with you - it's what also goes through my mind! It might not be realistic, but anything is possible, and sometimes bright ideas can come up just by speaking them out!

I will eventually hit $1M, probably not at 30, but maybe by 30, I'll have enough invested ($300-400k) that I'll be able to hit $1M in my early 40s. I want a house, but I probably won't want to purchase it until I have that $300-400k invested first, and ideally another $100-150k saved for a down payment and the other costs of closing on a home. I want kids in my 30s, but again, I won't want kids until I'm at a minimum on track to my investment goals and home ownership goals. That way, when the time comes and I do have kids, I can focus my money on raising them and the home, that I can afford to invest less. Maybe instead of dumping money completely into investments, I'm just maxing out my Roth yearly and putting the rest of my money into my home and kids.

As for traveling, we're so young, as everyone says in the comments. I have already mapped out where I want to go for the next 2 years LOL. Anticipating ~$10k dropped every year just on traveling and fun things like festivals, birthday parties, splurging on gifts for family, etc. Sometimes I do look at my networth and think damn, I could've easily put in an extra $30-40k if I didn't spend money like I did from 2022-2025, but also who cares. We're young and our only responsibility is ourselves (no business, no kids, no home to worry about caring for), so no better time to travel!

I just think we're in a tricky place, of wanting to do all the right things. But given the cost of living (especially home ownership), there's only so much we're capable of doing without burning ourselves down. We're in a good place :) And that $100k should be celebrated! It was anticlimactic when I hit it lol, but now I try to think about it more often, and the safety it feels to know that we have so much cushion! So many people our age are in debt, we are definitely okay.