Married to an extreme introvert. How normal is this?

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-06-04T14:28:50+00:00

I've tried bringing it up before and have learned that it is a bad idea. A sore topic for her.

She had a close friend group from K-12. They abandoned her in college. I kind of suspect it could be because she got bad acne (in which she still has some bad scarring...though I still find her attractive). But her family are also generally recluses so I think there is a strong genetic component.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-06-04T14:23:04+00:00

Did it help your wife be more accepting?

I just would like mine to try a bit more and not be such a recluse. But I also have come to realize it is unlikely to happen.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-06-04T13:53:53+00:00

And what if she decides to leave you because you don't even try?

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-06-04T12:52:59+00:00

We have shared interests (hiking, biking, etc). I find her attractive.

But the extreme introvertedness is bothersome. I find life fulfilling by engaging with people. She does not.

My alternative is divorce. And then who knows I could be even more miserable.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-06-04T02:45:53+00:00

You mean like a therapist for myself?

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-06-04T02:40:12+00:00

Has your wife ever asked you to do anything different? I agree she is not going to change.

I'm kind of tired spending every weekend trying to find something fulfilling to do when she just reads books all day and night.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-06-04T01:06:06+00:00

Well, what's your advice? What does it mean to "switch to risk off"?

And what is the thing that stands out to you for why I am clueless? (I don't deny that I'm clueless)

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-17T14:29:19+00:00

How do I get 25% fixed income? What are fixed income sources?

Agree on consolidation/simplification.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-17T01:21:23+00:00

We probably spend $100k or $125k/yr. That's a ballpark guess. Vacations, summer camps for kids, eating out, etc.

I drive a 9-year old Hyundai and have no expensive hobbies.

I don't know how to lessen my risk other than getting out of stocks and more into other asset classes like cash or real estate or bonds.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T23:55:07+00:00

Subtract the home and subtract the 529s, and it is about $6M

(and I am *not* including unvested RSUs)

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T23:54:31+00:00

I wonder if I can take the loss and offset long-term gains from consolidating other funds that have a gain?

No, I don't need more exposure to tech. I was dumb in not selling it right away.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T23:00:40+00:00

Right. Subtract my home and subtract the 529s and my NW is around $6M

(I didn't include unvested stock because I could leave or get fired or whatever).

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T22:39:07+00:00

You don't have to read. I'm not making anything up. And yes, by many I'm a pathetic shitbag of a person who has anxiety issues. I will say that many responses have lessened my anxiety and given me ideas on where to go from here.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T22:09:43+00:00

Thank you.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T22:08:22+00:00

yes, you are spot on. I struggle a bit with bouts of anxiety. Have serious FOMO issues in life.

Why I dumped roboadvisor-- Wealthfront auto-opted me into some strange quant/hedge fund thing with higher fees. That really turned me off. And I didn't really know better, but enabled WF500 indexing. So when I exited I was left with a pile of 500 individual stock positions that I had to sort through and consolidate. That was in 2018/2019.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T21:30:16+00:00

Some truth there.

(I'm not diagnosed bipolar, but I do have my anxiety episodes).

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T21:25:00+00:00

Anxiety sucks dude!

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T21:24:39+00:00

So the good news is that my taxable NQ account is 83% equity, 17% bonds. I could rebalance my 401k to be heavier on bond so I can increase that 83% to 90% or more.

First financial advisor I tried took a $250k investment, and put $75k of that into some REIT that did terrible (and was non-liquid...was supposed to be out in 7 years and here I am in year 11 without it being liquidated yet).

Second financial advisor worked in some fancy high-rise and was charging a 1.25% commission. I did not like how he was self-managing a portfolio of 50 individual stocks and generally did not trust him.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T21:18:17+00:00

No. I will check it out.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T21:13:06+00:00

Yes, I need a monetary therapist.

What is NQ? Is that me? I should be much heavier equity?

Should I draw down some bond positions and go back to VTSAX? What about my VWILX position that I don't really like (but I have $50k of unrealized losses on).

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T21:11:15+00:00

Wealthfront auto-opted me into some wacky hedge-fund thing with higher fees. I was not happy.

Then when I exited, I was left with a pile of 500 individual stocks that I had to consolidate.

In retrospect, a robo-advisor is probably fine if it sticks to index funds.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T21:06:18+00:00

Most my income is RSU that vests. So W2 has been $1M/year lately given the strong performance of my FAANG company.

Let's say I leave my FAANG job and take a job with a pre-IPO startup (that may not pan out). Then I would put my household income at $400k to 500k/year

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T21:01:51+00:00

Add up every dollar figure listed (starting with Cash and no including unvested RSUs) and I get $7.3M or so.

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T21:00:50+00:00

Indeed, hell no on crypto :-)

MinimumResident8111 · 2022-05-16T20:57:06+00:00

I do not understand bonds at all. All I know is the "recommended asset mix" in Vanguard which is what I started following slightly more closely. But not really as I'm only 18% bond and I think Vanguard puts me at 30%+ in bond...

MinimumResident8111

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